Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Whisky please and fill 'er up

Read this really umm... interesting news today about fuel alcohol, which, according to indications will soon compliment or replace altogether, regular fossil fuels in cars. I am not sure I am ecstatic at the news. I mean I have read about the dangers of using bio fuels too.

As per this news the world is ready to use fuel alcohol and it got me wondering about the "cheap, clean and non polluting gas" (as claimed) that will soon be used around the world. And it created disturbing images in my mind. Very disturbing images indeed!

Imagine driving on the highway in the night and some dacoits hold you up. You stop the car and get out and watch in fear then, bewilderment and then absolute shock as the dacoits drink up all the alcohol in the gas tank and do stupid things like mooning passing cars, dancing in the nude on the highway and then passing out cold while you escape in the pitch dark night hoping to hit the nearest gas station before you freeze in the cold. Scary no?

No? Well then think of this scenario. You and your husband are driving down a lovely seaside road and the husband stops the car because he has heard some noise in the back. He gets back inside the car and this is the conversation you have with him.

You: Honey, what was wrong?
Hubby: Oh nothing, just a false peg err alarm.

After the 25th stop to check tyre pressure, boot decor, roadside grass evaluation and other cheesy excuses, this is the conversation you have with him.

You: Honey, what is wrong? We seem to be having a lot of problems.
Hubby: *hic* Noshing...the gash tank was giving some *hic* problemsh *hic*

Then the cops come and stop you and arrest your husband for waylaying cars on the highway and drinking all the fuel from their fuel tanks after he had drained your car and then sending them on their way singing "Chalte Chalte mere yeh geeth yaad rakhna...*hic*"

And that is when you throw him into the sea. Kidding. And that is when you throw him into the sea... after fastening him into the seat securely with a seat belt and locking all the car doors.

See how dangerous it is!

But seriously folks, who would send a guy on the way with a full tank of alcohol? He wouldn’t get past the front porch leave alone the gate! I rest my case.

18 comments:

indicaspecies said...

After the 26th stop, he will phone the police.
Why? To complain that his dashboard, steering wheel, brake pedal, accelerator are stolen, and that his wife is missing!

Never mind that he got in the back seat by mistake...*hic*

Harish said...

Lol.. a quarter old monk for me, a full bottle mansion house for my car..!

Rex said...

Hilarious post!A bit of chemistry 101 however - fuel alcohol is usually methanol. The stuff that's used as industrial solvent and makes people go blind.
Ethanol is what's part of regular booze, and the spoilsports who sell it as fuel add methanol to it to make it undrinkable :(

Harish said...

Lol.. a quarter old monk for me, a full bottle mansion house for my car..! a drink for the road..

Sandeep said...

Reminds me of this new tamil movie, " Vaa- Quarter Cutting"
Good post though !!!!

Santhosh P said...

"Your car can get arrested, for drunken driving"

anu said...

Very nice flow.Good article

Anonymous said...

This would have been very funny if were true.

But in actuality they would mix methanol with the spirit. It would be undrinkable.

Destiny's child... said...

Haha! Some insight there :D

And then you would have to be double careful when you take your car to the petrol station for a fill. How can one be sure that the guy giving the car a fill is not filling his own tummy?

makeshiftconscience said...

Wine is fine, but Whiskey is quicker.

Nona said...

"while you escape in the pitch dark night hoping to hit the nearest gas station before you freeze in the cold". Kindly correct this sentence. nearest "liquor store" instead of the nearest gas station. :D

Ninan said...

Hilarious post! And there will be a choice of regular, premium and extra strong perhaps! :-))

Grayquill said...

That is a thought I had not had - scary - it could give siphoning a whole new meaning.

Anonymous said...

a very interesting thought, that is..

i worry for the people of gujarat, though.. looks like they will be forced to go back to walking or riding camels..

jackson

Pesto Sauce said...

Good take....can imagine swanky fuel bars replete with bar dancers

Sriram said...

Haha hilarious :D It's when man and machine become one!

Sriram said...

And you'd probably go to a fuel station, and ask for 'the usual' :D

hammy said...

I, for one, applaud the move. If nothing else, think of the comedic mileage that it will provide. It'll make MY life a lot easier.

And it'd be much easier to evade cops too... "I washn't dlinking, occifer. The gash tank mushtav bin oben. Dashish the shmell."