Polite dissent

Have you heard those good natured jibes that men make about women? About the oh-so -funny little peculiarities of women like the penchant for matching clothes with accessories, wrapping presents instead of giving it in the plastic bag it came in bill intact, or the hilarious attention women pay to trivial details like slowing down at the amber light instead of revving up and speeding before it turned red etc. etc?

I have always scoffed at these jokes and regarded them as mere platforms men use to underline their manliness. And an incident (amongst others of course) proved that my theory was correct.

Serene Thomas, a colleague and very good friend got married a year ago after she and her husband Polite Antony had done the routine song and dance routine around electric poles and sang songs near the flower pots (trees and gardens too far away), before deciding that they were in love and should stop acting silly and get married. Serene is now consulting a divorce lawyer.

Alarmed at the news I called her up and asked her for the reasons for taking this drastic step. Over muffled sobs, she told me her sad and heart wrenching story. The story was told over 8 hours. I have condensed it for your reading leisure and due to the fact that she has threatened to kill me if I did not make this story spectacular. Yes, she reads this blog.

So let me start at the very beginning, i.e. the first week of marriage after the honeymoon, (where they did the song and dance routine in a real garden, around real trees and flower bushes) in their new apartment and progress towards the end of the year chronologically.

She: Which of these curtain swatches you like?
He: Anything “you” like munchkins. I will be happy even if you draped the doors and curtains in sack cloth.
She (beaming): Okay!

Later

He: The house looks like a magician’s tent with these err ‘colorful’ curtains!
She: *maintains a dignified silence*
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She: Do you think this wicker furniture would look good in our living room?
He: Everything looks good with you around pumpkin. You decide and take what you like.
She: Okay!

Later

He: Sweet Jesus! The living room looks like a dentist’s clinic!!
She: *maintains a dignified silence*
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She: Where have you decided to go today. Dev’s anniversary or Mohits?
He: Wherever you are comfortable going darling. I do not want you to get bored of the company, so you choose.
She: Okay!

Later

He: Why are we going to Mohit's place?
She: We went for Dev’s sons naming ceremony last week, so I thought we will give Mohit and Sudha a visit.
He: You know that Dev is my best friend! He called me twice and told me to come to his place tonight.
She: * struggles to maintain a dignified silence*
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She: Should I wear this Salwar or this Saree for the office party?
He: Anything my moonshine. You look lovely without err I mean you look lovely in anything!!
She: hmmm okay!

Later

He: I am NOT going out with you if you dress like that!!!
She: I am wearing a Salwar!!
He: Yes, but does it have to look like ‘that’!!
She (under her breath): * $#%@&!*
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She: What would you like to have for lunch?
He: Surprise me honey-bunch!
She: *maintains a dignified silence*

Later

He: Chicken kuruma? * ugh*!
She: *dumps chicken kurma on his head, followed by the pulao and the payasam and water to wash it all down*

The guys in the office have decided to give him a Vishist Pati Medal. The girls in the office have decided to donate money to a) pay for her lawyer’s bill and or b) hire some thugs to break his legs.