Monday, April 05, 2010

Polite dissent

Have you heard those good natured jibes that men make about women? About the oh-so -funny little peculiarities of women like the penchant for matching clothes with accessories, wrapping presents instead of giving it in the plastic bag it came in bill intact, or the hilarious attention women pay to trivial details like slowing down at the amber light instead of revving up and speeding before it turned red etc. etc?

I have always scoffed at these jokes and regarded them as mere platforms men use to underline their manliness. And an incident (amongst others of course) proved that my theory was correct.

Serene Thomas, a colleague and very good friend got married a year ago after she and her husband Polite Antony had done the routine song and dance routine around electric poles and sang songs near the flower pots (trees and gardens too far away), before deciding that they were in love and should stop acting silly and get married. Serene is now consulting a divorce lawyer.

Alarmed at the news I called her up and asked her for the reasons for taking this drastic step. Over muffled sobs, she told me her sad and heart wrenching story. The story was told over 8 hours. I have condensed it for your reading leisure and due to the fact that she has threatened to kill me if I did not make this story spectacular. Yes, she reads this blog.

So let me start at the very beginning, i.e. the first week of marriage after the honeymoon, (where they did the song and dance routine in a real garden, around real trees and flower bushes) in their new apartment and progress towards the end of the year chronologically.

She: Which of these curtain swatches you like?
He: Anything “you” like munchkins. I will be happy even if you draped the doors and curtains in sack cloth.
She (beaming): Okay!

Later

He: The house looks like a magician’s tent with these err ‘colorful’ curtains!
She: *maintains a dignified silence*
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She: Do you think this wicker furniture would look good in our living room?
He: Everything looks good with you around pumpkin. You decide and take what you like.
She: Okay!

Later

He: Sweet Jesus! The living room looks like a dentist’s clinic!!
She: *maintains a dignified silence*
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She: Where have you decided to go today. Dev’s anniversary or Mohits?
He: Wherever you are comfortable going darling. I do not want you to get bored of the company, so you choose.
She: Okay!

Later

He: Why are we going to Mohit's place?
She: We went for Dev’s sons naming ceremony last week, so I thought we will give Mohit and Sudha a visit.
He: You know that Dev is my best friend! He called me twice and told me to come to his place tonight.
She: * struggles to maintain a dignified silence*
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She: Should I wear this Salwar or this Saree for the office party?
He: Anything my moonshine. You look lovely without err I mean you look lovely in anything!!
She: hmmm okay!

Later

He: I am NOT going out with you if you dress like that!!!
She: I am wearing a Salwar!!
He: Yes, but does it have to look like ‘that’!!
She (under her breath): * $#%@&!*
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She: What would you like to have for lunch?
He: Surprise me honey-bunch!
She: *maintains a dignified silence*

Later

He: Chicken kuruma? * ugh*!
She: *dumps chicken kurma on his head, followed by the pulao and the payasam and water to wash it all down*

The guys in the office have decided to give him a Vishist Pati Medal. The girls in the office have decided to donate money to a) pay for her lawyer’s bill and or b) hire some thugs to break his legs.

41 comments:

Nona said...

I'm maintaining a dignified silence (out of respect to my kind!) and controlling my laughter!

FutureWifeBeater said...

Elin Nordegren needs friends like these.

One Weird Guy said...

Well maybe he expected a lil too much from his wife!!

Arjun said...

"Do you like me going around with your best friend or the hot guy next door?"

"Anything you like sister." :P

I think her timings for asking things are completely wrong. A guy, unless he's totally engrossed in his manly activities (sports, adventure, alcohol, etc.) will always pay attention to his lady love. Don't expect chivalry during these times. Lol

Avaran said...

well, i wouldn want to be married to a lady who cant use common sense just because she could do anything she wanted...

I mean, really, i feel sorry for that guy..

good writing though!

The Blue Indian said...

The story would be a lot more realistic if all the "He" and "She" in the conversation are swapped.

Destiny's child... said...

Lol....hunky dory for how long after all, right? btw, loving room, silverine? Aah..her husband wouldn't mind anyway! :p

sweeliee said...

this is hilarious though despite the hidden sadness of ur fren in it :P

Grayquill said...

Maintains dignified silence - that tactic didn't seem, to work out to well for her.
Maybe she should have tried obstinate anger-or maybe nothing would have turned the bum into a nice guy.

indianhomemaker said...

I have always scoffed at these jokes too. Now I guess Polite Antony can go back to giving presents in the plastic bag they came in, bill intact :)

silverine said...

Nona: Lol! Liked that comment.

FWB: I agree, she does! :p

One Weird Guy: MCP!

Arjun: Spot on! I practiced that fine art on my Dad and was a very rich girl during cricket matches. :))

Avaran: Take a chill pill dude!

The Blue Indian: It is very realistic. This is reality.

DP:I wanna slap that guy. Control freak in the guise of a liberal! :)

Sweelie: She is not sad, but mad, hopping mad and I am glad. Ooh that rhymed lol! :))

Grayquill: You are right. But we all learn our lessons from experiences right? She is now a lot wiser! :)

IHM: Very true, I guess they are scared to admit they are fussy or finicky as that is considered a feminine trait! :)

$$ said...

...break his legs! But why spare his hands?! break them too!!! :)

It was a hilarious read !:)

Captain Haddock said...

I : *maintaining very dignified silence*

Shruti said...

nice read!!!

One Weird Guy said...

Male chauvinist pig?? Ha ha.... Not the right context silverine.. See if the guy wanted something he should say it explicitely! rather than hoping tht his wife can read his thoughts!! thts all I meant...
But yea can be an MCP at times, but not this time!

Justanotherrandomhuman said...

Sorry to hear this is a true story.

The guy is probably gay, anyway. No self-respecting man cares about curtains. Not in my universe anyway. Furniture? It doesn't even register in my brain, unless it's missing a leg or two! :-s

Congratulations to your friend on her decision to get a divorce. :)

Aditya said...

Being a guy, I always say, we guys are the weirdest species of human kind! :)

blunt edges said...

hahahahahaha...i wanna type a huge comment...but i have 2 get up from the floor first! so adjust maadi ;)

Polite Antony said...

*maintains dignified silence*

Basically Blah said...

Lol!

Oh, well, at least the guy had an opinion of his own and didn't babble "My daddy says..", "My sister thinks..." like one specimen I know!

One Weird Guy said...

...So is this like a gender war *hopeful*?? (yes am a coll student stuck in a very boring place)

FutureWifeBeater said...

They listened to you:

Adopt me, Angelina!

dignified male said...

Funny post... Realistically this is an expectation mismatch from both. The lady should talk (silence is not dignified here) & resolve this instead of making a mess out of it in the end.

viSHwAmiTHraN said...

grt read!!
by th way, am redy if "she" wants to adopt smone again..
men r men..always!!

Anonymous said...

It's going to be difficult for her to trust men after this. Too bad, she seems like a colorful character.

For the husband too, once the shame kicks in after realizing his selfishness.

I've heard this type of story before from both sides. It's easier to make gender the issue than to accept the imperfections we all have a share of.

You listened for eight hours, wow

damsel in distress said...

questions that you know the answers to,you needn't ask. period.

CnH

silverine said...

$$: 'Cos we are the fairer sex na, we cannot be that violent! :)

Capt Haddock: lol!

Shruti: Thanks girl! :)

One Weird Guy: Agree with you that he should have stated what he wanted, but he didn't! Ullu ka pattha! :p

Just blah blah: :p Your name is too long to type. He is not gay, just a closet control freak.

Aditya: :) Very weird indeed! I think it has to do with the segregation of the sexes from the cradle till the wedding pandal.

blunt edges: hehe

Polite: Yeah sure! :D

Basically Blah: True, lets look at the positive side too! :)

One weird guy: No, it is not!

FWB: That is a very smart idea!

dignified male: I will take your word for it (your name I mean ). :D And yes, I agree she should have talked, she did actually, but he kept insisting that he gave her the choice.

Vishwamithran: Bloody known sense!! :D Like the phonetically correct spelling! And will let her know about your offer! :)

Anon: Well, he didn't break her trust, but she might stop taking things at face value! Eight hours is nothing for hours, this was a record short time! :p

damsel in distress: Nice quote, though I did not understand it! lol!

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

heh heh .....

a wonder she didnt ask "Shall we go to you brother's house or ur parent's" ... that would have got him !

Khyati said...

Insanity...So true and amazingly narated. With the number of comments I assume most of them are women who can Connect. Good Going... :)

The Holy Lama said...

Science helps not divorce
For better chemistry get the law of physics right
OPPOSITE POLES ATTRACT

k.ø.c.h.ü said...

This is one reason why we guys prefer 'JUST-LOVE' TO 'LOVE N WED' ;) coz somethings r bound 2 change n we care about u ;) lol Funny read...n yeah Landed upon here 4 the first time !!! Thanks 2 The Meh Gal(erstwhile Damsel in distress) 4 recommending this page !!!

k.ø.c.h.ü said...

'love is blind, with marriage vision returns with a vengeance' ;)

Anish Thomas said...

poor guy.....feel sorry about him... sigh :D

Machiavelli said...

One year of married life and I now "maintain dignified silence" about those coloured curtains and love that chicken kurma. Women need to properly transform the men they married to married men.. which is a different species altogether.

viSHwAmiTHraN said...

thxx..elevated!!
bloodyknownsensewala!!

Prateek Sur said...

dunno either of the parties concerned in this situation but I surely feel that the fault was on both of their sides..maybe a bit more on the guy's side..but the way u presented it has taken off all the sadness related to it and has made it so humorous that rather than feeling sry for the breaking couple I am actually laughing my wits out..!!

Naresh Krishnan said...

Pity, but relationships and their aftermaths, are no more than bloodsport to the rest of us. No winners are declared at the bell. Only a couple, picking up whatever is left, and forced to move on.

silverine said...

Deepa: You are right! :D

Khyati: Thank you and thanks for dropping by. Looks like this has touched a lot of raw nerve. :)

The Holy Lama: Opposite poles attract because they are the opposite sexes right? Otherwise they are two individuals with distinct personalities.

Kochu: Good one! :) I guess guys think marriage is a piece of cake! :p Thanks for dropping by and thanks to my twitter buddy, The Meh Gal too. :)

Anish: lol! Yeah I am sure you do!

Machiavelli: Thanks for the wise words. Hope the gals are reading this! :)

Vishwamithran: :)

Prateek: Thank you! :)

Naresh: hmm true. And really happy to see you after such a long time! :)

Anonymous said...

Same story everywhere :)

Solution: Involve him more in the decisions that you make.. (But then sometimes that back fires too cos he then says that you are too dependant on him.. )

Uhh Men !!!! Can't live with them Can't live without them ;)

Kannan,Kochi said...

My father is like that with my mother and with us children too.Will give a false sense of empowerment but he likes to think himself as a smartass.Like for example, when we are deciding on buying something..he asks opnion around..and until the billing counter..he gives us the impression that our opinion is valued..Then all of a sudden..
he uses.."you know what..I think we will go with this one..coz of blah blah reasons"..and u become speechless not knowing where this came from..
Honesty is the best policy methinks.Its too bad ppl get the notion that they could manipulate their own family around all the time..*Sigh!* :-(

zephyr said...

lol very funny and very realistic.

'maintains dignified silence' :) Nice read Silverine.

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