It is that time of the year folks, when I look at the calendar and say “Holy crap I have no clothes to wear!!!” Then I empty the old clothes from the cupboard, pack them into neat bundles, number them from one to 47 and consult my phone directory. First call is to teen cousins of small build like me.
Cousin: Holy cow!! Is it time to clear your cupboard again??
Me: I am fine, thank you dear! And how are you?
Cousin: I do not want your tops.
Me: And how is your mother?
Cousin: I don’t care if they are as good as new.
Me: And your Dad?
Cousin: And I do not want your jeans either.
Me: And your cute little brother?
Cousin: And your shoes, hand bags, belts and other accessories.
Me: And your cat?
Cousin: And for the 255th time, I do not want your clothes. I am a teenager for god’s sake. I will be ostracized by my community if I wear clothes that you “oldies” in twenties wear!
Me: Damn these kids!
Next bakra is friends and acquaintances.
Friend: I get a call from you! Let me guess, you are trying to offload your clothes onto me.
Me: *sob* I was just checking up on you.
Friend: I am fine, if that is what you are worried about.
Me: That’s a relief! Last time I talked to you, you had a nasty sinusitis.
Friend: Naah! I never had sinusitis!
Me: Then it was a cough I think.
Me: Knee pain?
Me: Then you will luvvvv the warm tees that I have.
Friend: Sigh…I should have seen that coming!
Next lucky recipient is the nice little nun who runs an orphanage for girls.
Sister: Hi Anjali. No I do not want clothes. Bye! *Slam.*
Me (calling her again): Ahem…Sister, I called to wish you Merry Christmas!
Sister: Thank you! *Slam*
Me (calling her again): Your calls are getting cut sister. You must change to a better provider.
Sister: Look here dear. Here is the deal!
Me (hopefully): Yes?
Sister: I have four truckloads of clothes, another three of shoes and another six trucks of bed sheets, and other stuff parked in my yard. Help me get rid of them and I will take you clothes!
After that I do what I should have done in the first place….i.e…call my maid. I watch with an ache in my heart as she carts away my clothes to distribute in her neighborhood and swear for the 45679th time, that I will not to buy too many expensive clothes. Then I feel so happy to see my empty cupboard that I go down on my knees, give thanks to almighty God and go shopping.