Sunday, December 13, 2009

Wardrobe woes

It is that time of the year folks, when I look at the calendar and say “Holy crap I have no clothes to wear!!!” Then I empty the old clothes from the cupboard, pack them into neat bundles, number them from one to 47 and consult my phone directory. First call is to teen cousins of small build like me.

Cousin: Holy cow!! Is it time to clear your cupboard again??
Me: I am fine, thank you dear! And how are you?
Cousin: I do not want your tops.
Me: And how is your mother?
Cousin: I don’t care if they are as good as new.
Me: And your Dad?
Cousin: And I do not want your jeans either.
Me: And your cute little brother?
Cousin: And your shoes, hand bags, belts and other accessories.
Me: And your cat?
Cousin: And for the 255th time, I do not want your clothes. I am a teenager for god’s sake. I will be ostracized by my community if I wear clothes that you “oldies” in twenties wear!
Me: Damn these kids!

Next bakra is friends and acquaintances.

Friend: I get a call from you! Let me guess, you are trying to offload your clothes onto me.
Me: *sob* I was just checking up on you.
Friend: I am fine, if that is what you are worried about.
Me: That’s a relief! Last time I talked to you, you had a nasty sinusitis.
Friend: Naah! I never had sinusitis!
Me: Then it was a cough I think.
Friend: Naah!
Me: Cold?
Friend: Naah!
Me: Knee pain?
Friend: Naah!
Me: Ulcer?
Friend: Nopes!
Me: Fever?
Friend: Yes…but…
Me: Then you will luvvvv the warm tees that I have.
Friend: Sigh…I should have seen that coming!

Next lucky recipient is the nice little nun who runs an orphanage for girls.

Sister: Hi Anjali. No I do not want clothes. Bye! *Slam.*
Me (calling her again): Ahem…Sister, I called to wish you Merry Christmas!
Sister: Thank you! *Slam*
Me (calling her again): Your calls are getting cut sister. You must change to a better provider.
Sister: Look here dear. Here is the deal!
Me (hopefully): Yes?
Sister: I have four truckloads of clothes, another three of shoes and another six trucks of bed sheets, and other stuff parked in my yard. Help me get rid of them and I will take you clothes!
Me: *SLAM!!!*

After that I do what I should have done in the first place….i.e…call my maid. I watch with an ache in my heart as she carts away my clothes to distribute in her neighborhood and swear for the 45679th time, that I will not to buy too many expensive clothes. Then I feel so happy to see my empty cupboard that I go down on my knees, give thanks to almighty God and go shopping.

32 comments:

gkam said...

Hahahaa!

Nice one, enjoyed that :)

The Blue Indian said...

(WOW!! I get the opportunity to post the FIRST comment! I am honored!)

Next time, try eBay. People there will buy ANYTHING, you just need to have the convincing power to pass off your unwanted junk as something unique and out-of-the-world! :D

MYSTERY OF MY SPIRIT said...

Wow ,this was hilarious.Somehow I was getting a feel that you were not putting you heart into writing and was doing so just for the heck of it... and then boom ,we get another gem from our funny bone... Thanks once again for making my day gleeful !!! Once again all is normal in this world !!

silverine said...

gkam: Thank you! :)

The Blue Indian: lol! (Note to self - No more shopping on Ebay)

Mystery of my Spirit: Work was choking the life out of the blogger in me, buddy. With the busy period out of the way I hope to get back to normal blogging! Thanks a lot for the comment! That should kick my blogging butt to action! :p

Aniket said...

My grandma gives me hell, when I try to explain why I wont wear a Tee when I can still fit in it. No explanation is good enough. I even tried the one that I saw a man die after getting shot and falling from the 13th floor and then getting smashed by a bus wearing the same t-shirt and it haunts me. She doesn't buy it! I wonder why? :(

Chanz said...

The same happens with me as it does with Aniket. I am short of excuses as to why I want to do away with my old clothes. And my folks always try to peek into my wardrobe and see how many clothes have I got. Sometimes it so happens that I cannot take out my clothes so the number seems so big that my parents dont belive me when I saw thay I want to buy new clothes..

(Sigh)

Sriram said...

*slam* :P

Karthik Sivaramakrishnan said...

LOL@opening paragraph.

Jim said...

Pfft, women... *rolls eyes*

The Daily Bird said...

Its a pity there are no takers. I'm the youngest in a long line of cousins, and always wore their hand me downs... (of course they were always in the best shape possible, and really trendy too) in fact looked forward to getting a whole bunch of pretty stuff all at once. I can still credit half my wardrobe to their fashion style. I miss the hand me downs now that I've grown up. :(

Ni said...

hahahahahaha

well funny thing, but as a kid I was very fond of 'second hand clothes'. Also because that was the easiest way of expanding the wardrobe. Ah the good old days. :)

Grayquill said...

I never reealized you had it so hard - I am so sorry. May life begin to smile down on you. Wishing better times. :)
Creative Post!! Ahhh

Shrutzz said...

Knowing how much I ,ove shopping and keep looking at ways to clear my wardrobe; I loved this post...Just carried me away imagining it :))

Destiny's child... said...

Look at the brighter side...you finally get to shop for more and break your vows about not buying too many clothes! ;)

Happy shopping! :)

The Holy Lama said...

Maid taking it away? No chance here in Cochin. Most of them dress better and never repeat a dress for six months. Gimme the address. I will courier you pronto.

Kiran said...

47? FORTY SEVEN??? Girls!! *shaking my head* :P

Truly hilarious. Add to it, the fact that it helped me overcome Monday morning blues and you have an additional thumbs-up from me. Keep 'em coming!

Small Talk said...

I spent my entire weekend buyng clothes for Xmas...I hv an overwhelming sense of guilt for swiping my card here there and every where :(
U knw in Mumbai one cn gv old clothes and get utensils for them...I think u shuld ship off clothes to ur aunts in Mumbai who cn gt u nice steel kitchenware in return...which u cn gift to ur mom for Xmas...win-win situation for all....

Anonymous said...

I had stopped following blogs for a long time, hit back on your blog after a long time. Gud to know, that it is still alive and kicking. When many of the other blogs started long back, have become defunct. Although, the vitriol against Mallu achayans does not seem to be chnaged.

Captain Haddock said...

oh....your cloths are that bad ????? or you selection is that poor ?????

lol...don't chase me...i am an anoni !!! and yes..i don't were girl's cloths :D

he..heee...heee...liked the post, dude...

Annemarie said...

lmao! Loved the post!

blunt edges said...

lol...ur conversations-wale posts r always great n this one's no exception! :D

wandering minstrel said...

You are too good!! Dil khush kar ditta mera!

Shimmer said...

haahaha, u go through so much to get rid of ur clothes.. :D:D

i just leave that job to my mom.. kekekeke :P

anishthomas said...

ROFL, YEAH wardrobe clearing task is a pain.Now a days if there is no orphanage collection is going on nearby,i used to dumb everything in public garbage box. At least i don't have to hear anyones complaint and my wardrobe also will be clean...

between advanced merry Christmas

Anonymous said...

Check out Goonj.
http://www.goonj.org/

Kusum Rohra said...

I have a truckload of clothes; brand new clothes from my trousseau still UNPACKED :( my mom kept warning me that I will be stuck with them in Chennai and I won't be allowed to shop till every one of them is used at least once :( I am still far away from shopping and Mango is sending me these promo messages to just rub it in

* sobbing hysterically *

~==[[[ Abhi ]]]==~ said...

Hard to believe that 47 ladies refused your offer. But then does that speak something about the condition you hand down clothes or the selection? I wonder which :)

It was nice reading the conversations, like everyother time you lifted my bad mood to a great high :)

Rajlakshmi said...

LOLzzzz another hillarious post... my dumping ground is sister dear... but since her tastes are far more refined than mine... its a big task too :P

Arun said...

The winner of 'Date AnJolie' sweepstakes is...

.
.
.

stay tuned! details at 11

Zoya said...

I so agree with this! I dump clothes on my maid since no one else takes them and then my sister dumps her stuff on me. mostly they are nice but sometimes I wonder about her tastes :)

silverine said...

Aniket: lol! Join the community of people who make the corniest excuses to discard perfectly wearable clothes! :p

Chanz: Joining you in sighing dear!Sigh.

Sriram: lol!

Karthik: :p

Jim: Pfft, guys... *rolls eyes* :)

The Daily Bird: That used to be my dream actually when I was small, that I will have elder gal cousins with trendy clothes. But no such luck. Most of my cousins are guys. I lead a boring life. brr

Ni: Good ol days indeed! :)

Grayquill: Thank you! :) Its been a while since I visited your blog. I was so bogged down with work.Hope to catch up on your posts soon!

Shrutzz: :D Thank you!

DP: Yeah, tis the season to be jolly after all! :)

The Holy Lama:I got to see that!! The maids of kochi I mean!

Kiran: Thanks buddy! That made me feel all nice! :)

Small Talk: lol! Exactly my feelings after I have swiped the card every where! :p

Anon: Thank you and my vitriol is not directed against anybody in particular. Just people who piss me off! :|

Captain haddock: lol! One chamaat for you for that!

Annemarie: Thank you! :)

blunt edges: Thanks buddy! :)

wandering mistral: I got that translated by my punju pal. Thank you! :)

Shimmer: Lucky girl!!! I hate you pffft. My mom will put them back pronto into the cupboard *sob*

Anish: I do not have the heart to dump clothes like that. I take good care of them you see and they cost a pretty penny too! :(

Anon Will do mate!

Kusum: Joining you in sobbing hysterically...at your plight. Tragic!!!

Abhi: Thank buddy! :)

Rajlakshmi: You have a younger sister? If you trip and fall tomorrow you know whose bad vibes did that! :|

Arun: Do let me know who you are planning to hitch me onto! :| Hope he is handsome, rich, well built with a Ferrari! :|

Zoya: Maids zindabad I say! :)

Mind Curry said...

if you can rent some space at a five star hotel, you can do a "sale" of top brands :) kidding..
on a more serious note, i think these are signs that india's poverty situation is getting better (hopefully). unlike before, even poor homes and NGOs pick and choose what you give them. not that i have ever donated torn clothes!! but you get the point..