Sunday, November 08, 2009

Coldline

We have a new internal medical emergency hot line number. It is a pretty number though not very helpful I feel. I mean if you really want to reach someone in the office in an emergency quickly, then the number should be ideally one digit and if that is not possible due to some highly complex telephonic engineering challenge, then it should be a three digit number. But do our Facility people listen? No. So now we have a standard 8 digit emergency “hotline” which should ideally be called a “coldline” because by the time the person in distress dials all the numbers this is what will happen...

*Gasp* My chest is paining. I need to call the emergency number. *pant* what was the number again? Let me *gasp* read it!!! 4 *gasp* 8 *gasp* 1 *gasp* aarrggh my chest is exploding!!! I cannot make out anything *gasp* wait a minute I think the next number is 4, then we have a 6... I think…*clutching chest* then I think it is a 7…no I think that was a 1 or maybe a 9? *groan* I cannot see anything. The last numbers look like 333 or is it 888? Let me dial the nu…..

*swoon *

*thud*

*drops down dead*

I am putting it on speed dial.

Have a cracking week dear friends!

16 comments:

nskaushik said...

lol! maybe they dont want prank calls :P

The Holy Lama said...

And most probably if you can make the call, they might have further procedures to place the source and the further action to be discussed and "thud" again. LOLZ

scorpiogenius said...

Reminds me of the old Kerala Police Helpline which was a deadline for many weeks and then stuffed with elongated and complicated guide-throughs..

Nice one. :)

hammy said...

It's a well crafted plan. Only let the deserving get the treatment, I say. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. So only people who are genuinely concerned - i.e., have enough commitment and dedication to dial the 8 digits correctly - shall avail of our valued medical assistance.

And you think the 8 digit thing is all there is to it?? Oh, no. That, my dear Anjs, is merely stage 1.

"Oh, God. I did it! I DID IT. I dialed in. Come on, come on. Pick up!"

"Who dares disturb my slummberrrr???

"Eh?????"

"Talk, peasant."

"Err... sorry to errrk disturb you, you weird-voice-on-the-phone thing, but I'm having a heart attack, and I was wondering if I could..."

"SILENCE!!! So thine quest is medical."

"Hmm.. yeah."

"Before you proceed thither, answer mine questions three..."

Roughly around this time, 90-95% of the average callers would start marveling on the benefits of heart attacks and mentally charting out their itinerary for the afterlife. Hence, our doctors get more time to tend to important stuff... like counting money.

blunt edges said...

guess speed dial is the only way out!

u have a great week too :D

Rahul said...

LOL! Nice one.But I have the other side of the story!

Emergency Team: Anjali what is your emergency?
Anjali: Someone came to my cubicle and took my apple.
ET: Excuse me?
Anjali: I left an apple on my table and when I came back from the meeting, someone had eaten it.
ET: Was anything else taken?
Anjali: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired
of it!

:D

Ashish Gupta said...

Talk about usability in daily life. Disheartening to see the (lack of!) response of product/process 'designers'.

Iyer Studies said...

if you leave it to this to the quality team they will suggest to have a 24 digit phone number as a "preventative measure" so that there are no emergencies whatsoever

Nona said...

Moral of the story - Do not rely on your organization if there is an emergency. But, don't we know it already? :)

MꧧéD µÞ said...

rofl!nice read to begin the week :)

Aniket said...

And am sure, soon they'll have an automated call transfer system in place:

Heart Attack ke liye 1k dabaye.
Asthama Attack ke liye 2 dabaye
Aag lagne athwa kisi any Emergency ke liye 3 dabayen.
Humare troubleshooter is baat karne ke liye 7 dabayen.
Options dubara sunne ke liye hold kijiye!

I've got another one:

For English press 1. Hindi ke liye do dabayein.
Victim's dying words: Aiyyo! No mallu! :P

Biju said...

:-)

You have a nice week ahead as well.

Rajlakshmi said...

lolzzz ... thats a different take on hotline number ...
and i am gasping too... in laughter :P

Abraham Menacherry said...

The guy who did it must be an avid hindi film watcher.. heroes/heroines take months to die and would definitely have time to press 800 numbers.... between the gasps and the melodrama...:)

silverine said...

Thank you folks for your comments! Really appreciate it :)

The Blue Indian said...

This reminds me of Accident Helpline numbers on Mumbai-Ahmedabad National Highway which is something like 93237 24550 or something similar... read it a hundred times but could never remember it!