Sunday, September 06, 2009

The final diagnosis!

Hospitals in Bangalore now specialize in Mathematics besides the routine Cardiology and Gynecology and Liposuction. Recently my aunt was admitted to the hospital because she had Viral Fever and the doctor at the hospital thought that she should be kept under observation just in-case the fever develops into AIDS or Angina Pectoris or Liver Cirrhosis or OCD or Kleptomania. After enduring three days in the small hospital room (standing room for one attendee only), Aunt was reluctantly discharged. Uncle got the shock of his life when he got a bill of over 20 k for her three days stay, during which she consumed 3 Crocins, 6 Antibiotics and several glasses of coconut water only.

It all began on day one when the doctor came visiting.

Doc : How are you feeling Geetha?
Aunt: Feverish.
Doc: I am prescribing you some antibiotic and a Crocin to bring down that fever.
Aunt: What’s wrong with me?
Doc: Nothing serious I assure you. But we need to keep an eye on you to rule out any possibility.

Somewhere deep in the bowels of the hospital an accountant typed out the day’s bill.

Doctors visit: Rs 600
Room Rent: Rs 1000
Doctors visit in afternoon: Rs 600/-
Doctors visit in evening; Rs 600/-
Medicines: Rs 2000/
Total: Rs 6000/-

Comments (of the accountant) - Poor collection. Doctor to use additional devices for better revenue generation.

Next day Aunt is alarmed to see two nurses come in and put her on drips and a catheter. A device that controls the drips is also used. Doctor peeps in every hour to say “Hello” and slams the door before they can say “We are doing alright. Please discharge us.”

Somewhere deep in the bowels of the hospital, the accountant typed out the day’s bill.

Room Rent: Rs 1000
Doctors visit at 9 am: Rs 600
Doctors visit at 10 am: Rs 600/-
Doctors visit at 11 am: Rs 600/-
Doctors visit at 12 pm: Rs 600/-
Doctors visit at 01 pm: Rs 600/-
Doctors visit at 02 pm: Rs 600/-
Doctors visit at 03 pm: Rs 600/-
Doctors visit at 04 pm: Rs 600/-
Doctors visit at 05 pm: Rs 600/-
Doctors visit at 06 pm: Rs 600/-
Night doctors visit: Rs 1000/-
Drip Regulator: Rs 2000/-
Total: Rs 10,000/-

Comment (of the accountant): Don’t overdo do it for chrissakes!!

Next day we decide that we will catch the doctor as he peeps in so that he knows how his patient is doing before he slams the door.

Somewhere deep in the bowels of the hospital the accountant typed out that day’s bill.

Room Rent: Rs 1000
Doctors visit at 9 am to 9:03 am: Rs 1400/-
Doctors visit at 11 am to 11:02 am: Rs 1400/-
Doctors visit at 05 pm to 5:01 pm: Rs 1400/-
Medicines: Rs 2000/-
Total: Rs 7,200/-

Comments (of the accountant): Perfect! Discharge them.

30 comments:

Karthik Sivaramakrishnan said...

So now you know why he is called a 'doctor' :) (pun intended people)

thomas said...

Kleptomania? I think if she ever reads this post, she might develop nieceophobia! With nieces like Silverine, aunts sure don't need any enemies. ;)

Grayquill said...

Sounds like the accountants have been taking notes from American Hospitals. Your story is way too common. For the fees to be what they are indicate a profession gone amuck. Any other business charging those outlandish fees would not stay in business long. You got my blood boiling.

Aparna said...

20 K for 3 days? Your aunt was pretty lucky.
The going rate in Mumbai is 10k per day. A lot of arabs check in to rest and recuperate as they are slightly cheaper than hospitals and the food is free.

gkam said...

Preposterous!
Hospital sign:

We give you the best health care (strike that)
health scare!

with that bill, any1 would fall ill, again!

White Forest said...

Doctor's/rather hospital's current state of mind: money first ...rest later

Jim said...

Methinks the final diagnosis ought to be Kleptomania... for the Doc!

Aniket said...

And on top of that not one nurse I've met turned out nearly as hot as they show it in...erm.... um... TV. What a scam! Go figure. :D :D :D

rocksea said...

Looting! Pakal-kolla...

Destiny's child... said...

The accountant seems to be having a gala time typing away the numerals. Does he have a thing for numbers? :p
Poor aunt!

Pramod Abraham said...

The fee turnout to be more when you have insurance. Pillow charges 250, pillow cover charges 50 extra!

The Holy Lama said...

You haven't known the creed called hospital PROs. They invite you to free checkups in the neighbourhood, find something wrong and then take you a ride. It is getting scarier. Earlier it was only the insurance agent, the loan agent, the marriage broker and the realestate guy. Tough times ahead

Anita :) said...

Yeah! Hospitals are big business you see..! I am also victim to this! Could relate to it easily.:-(
Sad state of affairs :-(

Nona said...

Looks like someone overcharged your aunt(and uncle) on Day 2. They charge Rs 600 twice for 3 pm (non-existent) visit.

On a serious note, we should all start doublechecking the medical bills. Everyone has become a "professional" and running a business for profit!

Accountant said...

Well dont blame me...I just calculate the charges...the decisions are by the doc...and what can they do...we need to ensure that nothing happens to our beloved patients ... quality service you see... we make sure u are in perfect good health and treated as per your needs... if theres no need for treatment we still treat you...otherwise what good will a visit to the hospital will be...

Take Care...and do visit us again :)

Sriram said...

oh wow I keep pickin up alternate career suggestions from here :P

and ..Kleptomania LOL!!

Sriram said...

I mean, alternative career suggestions :D

Thoorika said...

LOlz!!! BUt seriously did they really charge your Aunt 20k?!?!?!?

Just Words said...

Underling idea is to conduct all kinds of tests to make sure nothing is wrong with u and nothing is left in ur wallet

hammy said...

I knew it. It wasn't a rumor.

The medical council has stopped using thermometers on patients... Instead, they use currency counting machines

"I'm sorry, Miss Smith, but the machine reading is high... It reads well over 5k. We'll have to keep you under observation until it subsides."

And don't get me started on all those talks about compulsory wallet checks before admission...

4 out of 5 doctors believe that if they take the money out of your wallet using tweezers, forceps and scalpels, they can write it off as surgery.

The hippocratic oath, it seems, are for hypocrites.

SloganMurugan said...

:)

Paritosh said...

Hmmmm... true! I had heard a story about a guy who was admitted to a prestigious hospital in bangalore when he complained of chest pain, cough and cold and extreme tiredness.

The doctor tried with various hypothesis.... Cancer, TB and what not. A battery of test was performed on him before they became certain it was just a normal bout of snophilia.

Bill... a cool 14K. When asked about the use of all these, the doctor retorted, "Anyways it will be reimbursed. So whats the fuss about!"

Wow! And they say doctors have vowed to protect men.

BTW thanks for putting my post on the best of the week section. People have been flocking to my blog like anything. :D

anishthomas said...

He he good one :D ,education and medical services are the biggest business now a days.
I have got a friend , who admit himself in very posh hospitals evry month ,that too in deluxe room and with personal nurse(his problems are vomiting,cold , headache etc.He is getting RS-50,000 mediclaim per year,that is the reason)

Mind Curry said...

grrrr!!

:)

will be back! let me go see some patients for now!

Athena said...

Well, this happens when u practise defensive medicine. Why should the doc take the risk of being sued against? Though the chances of missing a rare diagnosis or developing a rare complication would be abysmally low, if sth happens, the patient would end up blaming the doc..so to avoid that the doc might end up doing extensive tests etc.
This can be avoided if we talk to each pt/educate in detail regarding their med condition, but in this day and age the time each doc has to see a pt is limited.

silverine said...

Karthik: Good P'un! :)

thomas: Dude I am writing in her favour here! :)

Grayquill: We have slowly started following the American system with the govt allowing medical insurance. And the rot gets our blood boiling too believe me!

Aparna: Thats news to me! A win win situation I see!

gkam: lol! You are right about the bill getting us ill!

White Forest: Very true!

Jim: LOL! Good one!

Aniket: Preposterous! You should sue them for that! :p

rock-sea: hehe this is 24/7 robbery actually! :)

Destiny: Absolutely! He is the accountant no? :p

Pramod: LOL!! That was funny!

Holy Lama: You have pointed out to an alarming trend!

Anita: I think it is because of medical insurance! Sad state of affairs indeed!

Nona: This happens when you have insurance. I dont it happens to people without that....or so I hope!

silverine said...

Accountant: Welcome here Sir! We hope the same doctors make your bill too! lol!

Sriram: :D

Thoorika: Yes they did! :)

Just Words: lol! Perhaps they have devices to count your bank balance too! :p

hammy: You hit the nail on the head!!

Slogan Murugan: Thanks for dropping by buddy! :)

Paritisoh: That is the attitude! Sadly! And glad to link your nice post! :)

Anish: You are giving us ideas! :D

MC: LOL!!! Glad to see you here amidst your busy routine of curing bills err patients! :| :)

Athena: Well in India docs need not practice defensive medicine as we do not have a litigious culture!

Toe Knee said...

If there's one thing I want to change anout India, it's the lack of a citizen health cover.

Naveen said...

sounds bad ... but on the other hand we got govt hospitals

- minimal fees
- noone cares for the patient

RGB said...

And if all is well, you can perhaps suffer a mild heart-attack with that kind of a bill presented to you for just a case of fever! One of the reasons, I detest seeing a doctor or going to a hospital, unless ABSOLUTELY necessary.