Monday, April 06, 2009

The best laid plans of adolescent women

This post by Thomas brought back a lot of good memories from not so long ago. Diffused in the warm glow of those memories is an ugly incident that left a gang of girls very red faced and contrite for a very very long time. The incident was also our first lesson in ‘man behavior’!

In our pre university year we had only a few students from each stream taking Sanskrit as a language. Most of us had opted for Hindi or Kannada. This did not necessitate a full time Sanskrit teacher and the college authorities decided to bring in a teacher on contract as a temporary arrangement. Since there were no Sanskrit professors or vidwaans in the college, Sister Principal took it on her to interview and appoint someone she thought was fit for the job. The teacher turned out to be a young Brahmin boy named B, no more then 21 years old I think, who had recently passed out as a Sanskrit graduate. He was rather fair and boyish looking and wore traditional clothes that poojary’s usually wear i.e dhoti and a kurta. He had his head shaved except for a bit of hair at the back of the head that was tied up into a pony tail. The Nuns held him in high regard as he looked like a religious person like them. He would look puzzled when the Nuns greeted him with reverence and respect. He was clearly not used to such treatment.

He was also not used to girls and blushed if someone looked his way for more than a nano second. Apparently he taught the class with his eyes averted. It was evident by his timid demeanor that he was intimidated by the female of the species. And that emboldened us too to do what we did…something we had never attempted before on a faculty member.

After observing him for sometime and reassuring ourselves that he was a docile guy we decided to pull his leg. Now we were clever girls…or so we thought. So we got a friend studying in Bishop Cottons to write a love note for B in Kannada. The note purportedly written by one of his students “Manjula”, declared undying love for him and asked him to meet her at the Majestic Bus Stand at a particular platform. We had ensured that this platform did not serve the busy city routes but far flung areas like Yelahanka.

It was an exam day and classes got over by 11 am. By 11:15 am all six of us gathered at the platform. Two of us i.e me and the “Manjula” were to wait for B while the other four stood at the diagonally opposite platform pretending to be waiting for a bus. At the dot of the time specified, B walked into the platform. He looked around nervously and then glanced at us timidly. We ignored him. He placed himself next to a large round pillar looking very unsure and ill at ease. Suddenly “Manjula” turned and gave him an once-over. An inscrutable smile played on her face. B jumped like a startled chicken and disappeared behind the pillar. After some time he peeped out surreptitiously but “Manjula” was waiting for him. She gave him a flirty smile. He retracted his head in a hurry and was gone for some time. We were cock-a-hoop. This was going to be damn easy we thought. Our plan to torment him and walk away was going just fine.

After what seemed an eternity he peeped again, but this time he had a flirty smile on his face too. We were completely taken aback. We were not expecting this. He was peeping again, this time the smile was broader and more bolder. We gulped and looked away quickly. We did not want to encourage him any further. But the game was out of our hands. Now it was his turn to play the cat and mouse game with us. He started peeping from the pillar more often and when we looked in his direction he would be highly tickled at the attention and disappear again behind the pillar like a Hindi film hero. Each time he reappeared his smile grew more and more lascivious. It was our turn to sweat.

By now B was totally caught up in the game and decided to do get adventurous. He began darting from pillar to pillar when we were not looking and then suddenly peeping out from unexpected places taking us by surprise. We were in a tizzy. We did not know which pillar he was behind and both of us were looking frantically around trying to spot him so that we could avert our face when he peeped. The four girls who were standing by were watching us shell shocked. They also did not know what to do. We were barely 18 then and man crisis control was not our forte.

The look on B’s face was obvious. He was excited and not quite in control of himself. He was clearly not used to girly attention and even the minuscule attention he got from us had driven him crazy. We were very scared now. We were also far away from the busy platforms so there was no hope of spotting a senior to bail us out.

While “Manjula” and I were hyperventilating, B kept darting around pillars and peeping aggressively. He was like a man possessed and just when we were about to burst into tears, salvation in the form an elderly lady arrived from nowhere. Elderly lady, lets call her Lakshmi had come to the adjacent platform just a few minutes ago and saw a crazy mad man stalking two “innocent” college girls. Lakshmi was used to this. She had girls of her own. And she decided that she wasn’t taking this lying down. She strode into our platform purposefully and stood in front of the pillar behind which our hero was hiding. Then she did the unthinkable. She reached for her handbag and pulled out a Femina. “Oh great” we thought. “She is going to read a magazine and that’s supposed to scare him out of his wits”. However instead reading the magazine she rolled it into a tight roll and just when B peeped out from behind the pillar thwacked him really hard on his ears. B looked like someone had thrown a bucket of very cold water on his face.

Shell shocked he stumbled backwards and walked quickly away from the scene. Aunty rained more blows on his retreating back and finally threw the magazine at him for good measure. We stood there stupidly till Aunty returned from the war path and guided us out of the bus station. She tut tutted about perverts and how they preyed on “innocent” girls. “Manjula” and me looked at each other. We did not know whether to feel sorry for ourselves or ashamed. We were the victims and the perpetrators.

We expressed our gratitude to the lady and rushed back to college, relieved that we had not got into trouble. The other girls were waiting for us at the Canteen their faces white. We ordered some juice mechanically and sipped at it contemplatively avoiding each others eyes. There was absolute silence at the table. The canteen staff looked at us quizzically. We were by far the noisiest group in the college. Perhaps we had been expelled they thought hopefully. A pall of guilt, shame and absolute humiliation hung over the table like a cloud. We did not know what to say. We could not crib about the guy as we were the perpetrators of the crime. We could not laugh off the incident as it did not seem funny at all. It was a silent bunch of girls who departed to their respective homes that day.

Next day when we told the class about the incident it created an uproar and catapulted us into the Hall of Fame for Prize Fools. The college was divided in its opinion though. A section of the student body thought that we should be inducted into the Hall of Fame of the Stupidest Pranks. Though the college was divided in its opinion about the incident everybody agreed that it was bloody hilarious. People had a good laugh at our expense and still do. However for some inexplicable reason “we” are still unable to laugh at the incident. :p

p.s. B left the college soon after when the college found a more experienced Sanskrit teacher. :)

38 comments:

n i t i n said...

hah!
poorr annan...

when will you girls realize the fact that...you know...the fact, when will you?

Me said...

and what ensued after this incident..Any noticeable change in B's behavior?

Kunjootty said...

am also wondering abt B's behaviour after that incident? did he ever raise his eyes in class again? or was that the last you guys saw of him?

Amal Bose said...

i feel sorry for Mr B.
what came off him??

mathew said...

hmm...you folks are indeed a naughty lot!!;-D

I got a feeling that this sanskrit teacher on getting older started of a sena and is in a payback mood for the trauma he faced!;-P

phoenix said...

ROTFL!!! ha ha I have split my sides laughing trying to visualize this! :-))

Deepti said...

We had a prof in engg college ( ok i was in a women's engg collge) who averted his eyes n taught .. or looked in direction and taught and if we looked at him while teaching he used to forget whatever he had mugged up for the day... so we all sat in the direction he never looked or just plain stared at him.. he would forget and then take attendance!!

But not as naughty as u ppl :D

~==[[[ Abhi ]]]==~ said...

Awesome! Brought back memories of teaching @ my own college. I thankfully had students who were much better behaved and never received such LETTERS :).

I wonder if B ever trusted another gal.

sandeep said...

this is like the saying "Urangikkitakkunnavane vilichunarthiyittu oonilla" thingie ... on top of this he got beaten too! Poor B I cant help thinking what all hormonal changes he mite have gone thru'

Jim said...

Heh, I now know I was wise to stay away from women! Also, looks like your B inspired Berlusconi too :)

thomman said...

So they say "appearances are decptive". The most innocent looking boy/girl might be the wildest one, you never know. And look at your guts man; I wonder what you're now if you were like that in school. Danger, thy name is silverine. :P

LOL!! @mathew

thomman said...

And the scene where the lady beats B with that magazine was totally ROFL.

Rajlakshmi said...

Poor B...
u naughty girls ;)
what got over him!!! so what happened next.. to B ... :)

DPhatsez said...

one word: "nannayikkoodey?" :)

When i was an 'adolescent', a friend reported a similar 'plan' although her teacher complained to the Headmaster!

:) no casualties

usha said...

:))
ok, sorry for laughing out loud..

the thing is: it reminded me of a certain Mr. Shankaranarayanan who taught us computers in school..

the only other male teacher in the convent school, other than the ex-serviceman appoopan who used to be the PT instructor.

the scene was more or less the same..except for the outdoor pranks :D

silverine said...

nitin: We have realised by now! :(

Me: No idea, never went near Sanskrit room again! :p

Kunjooty: That was the last we saw of him. :)

Amal: He was a temp. So he was replaced with someone else.

mathew: LOL!! So thats how Putt Ali K was born! :p

Phoenix: It was funny indeed when you think of it lol!

Deepti: I pity all male teachers in womens only colleges! :)

Abhi: Lucky you! Girls colleges can be a dicey proposition for male teachers! :p

Sandeep: :p

thomman: Contrary to what people may think after reading this post we learned a very valuable lesson and never repeated the same again! :p

Jim: I saw that on TV! :)

Rajlakshmi: I guess he did not have much exp with girls so went crazy! :)

DPhatsez: That was our greatest worry and hence the scare. If it had gone to the Princi then we would be dead meat.

Usha: lol! Mr. Shankaranarayanan sounds just like B! :)

Philip said...

I wonder whether B will ever get married. Imagine the newlweds on their suhaag raat: The lass gives him a flirtatious smile. B runs for his life, knowing that the mother-in-law is going to thwack his head off if he reciprocates :D

Can't help feeling sorry for him.

Ordinary Guy said...

LOL Silverine.... :)
poor guy.. you gals give him hope and dash his dreams.... :) LOL

pretty wicked... i must say... :)

paavam mashe!!! hehehehehe

Karthik Sivaramakrishnan said...

Ah, so now we have a new phrase to coin! To make a B-line for someone/something: To approach someone/something in a zigzag haphazard manner such that one isn't sure from which direction the object is approaching.

Thoorika said...

LOLZ!!!!!!! I was trying to imagine that scene!!! Imagine what would have happened if Lakshmi aunty didn't come on time?!

Pramod Abraham said...

How come folks at home did not get wind of it? It is really difficult to bottle up this kind of this things from leakin' out!

Anonymous said...

nice post silverine!

I use Google reader to read ur posts.
It seems ur feeds setting is set to limited as I get partial feeds of ur posts..please turn ur feeds to full.

Indyeah said...

LOL!! Poor mr B.
the pillar hide and seek cracked me up! :D

silverine said...

Philip: LOL!! That was funny! Poor guy hope we haven't scarred him for life! :))

Ordinary guy: Thank you! ;)

Karthik: B-Line. Really funny definition! :))

Thoorika: You know that part makes me laugh too...at times! :p

Pramod: I told my mom a good two years after it happened. She was aghast! My Dad thought it was damn funny! :p

Anon: Thank you. Since I am hosting the post here I am not comfy about it being posted elsewhere. Which is why I don't turn on full feeds. Crazy reason I know but thats the way I feel! :)

Indyeah: :p And it cracks us up too when we are able to laugh at it, which is very rarely! :p

What's In A Name!? said...

Hilarious! Esp B peeping out of unexpected pillars is awfully funny! LOL! I can only imagine the shock on your faces! :D

Nitram said...

Aha... to quote from F.R.I.E.N.D.S: "A classical case of the messers becoming the messee"
ROTFL at the mental image of your savior thwacking B with a magazine and finally using it as a mini projectile!
:D

manoranjini said...

poor chap!that must have been the end of his career in 'birdwatching'!tsk tsk ...that also must have ended ur quench for pranks!!!;-)

Which main? What cross? said...

:)

Still thinking said...

Why couldn't you girls laugh? You were 6, he was alone, what could possibly happen? 'B' just seems too cute for me here :D

I totally loved what Aunty did! Three cheers to her!

You girls were really mean :p

RukmaniRam said...

what? u had no back up plan?

Aradhana said...

This definitely has to be one of the funniest stories Ive read recently :)

Parikshith Kumar said...

By the way I got hold of that love letter which Manjula wrote to B. A gust of wind landed that piece of paper in my front yard. Just to refresh your sweet memories and make you a sense of nostalgia and deja vu, I am typing out the contents here.

"Dear B
I have been looking at you all these months. Now how do I express my feelings to you - well just can say that when translated to Sanskirt , it says "Pyaram, Ishqam, Mohabbataha" . I also want to know soooo much about you, oh my priya sexy adhyapaka - stuff like whether you use Sunsilk or Head and Shoulders for you hair, or whether you prefer Surf Excel or Arial for washing your dhoti.
Lets discuss more, meet me at the Majesicam Bus Standaha.

Yours,
Manjula"

God only know what got him seduced enough to meet Manjula after reading such a love letter!

silverine said...

Whats in a name: It does seem funny now :))

Nitram: That quote is spot on! :p

manoranjini: lol! End of birdwatching career indeed! :)

WMWC: Thanks for dropping by! :) Your photos never cease to amaze me!

Still thinking: He was faculty and if he had complained we would be in deep trouble you see! Thats why we were so scared! And aunty's like her will always come to the rescue I have noticed! :)

Rukmani: No! :(

Aradhana: Thank you dear! :) You write some good poetry!

Parikshit: ROFL!!! That was hilarious!! Thanks for the good laugh! :)

Divs said...

rotflmao!!

what were you in college!!
OMG! :D :D

urgu said...

"peeping aggressively from behind pillars"...too good! ROFL. Pity the poor man.

Alexis said...

Nice one. But I pity the poor fellow :-) You were very naughty to do such a prank... Lucky the he didn't have a heart attack :-)

silverine said...

Divs: We started out as rookies in the game and ended up as pros :p

Urgu: :p

Alexis: Heart attack? That would have been lovely err I mean disastrous :|

Princess Stefania said...

This was hilarious. :P 'Anonymous' messages were always popular in college- but a member of the faculty? I applaud you.