There are some people in this world...okay there are more than some...there are many people in this world who are born without that vital part of the brain, that enables them to understand directions. You put these people in a desert and point to the only road and say "Do you see a road here?" And they will say "Where?"
You get the point? In my profession, I spend a huge amount of time giving directions to people, mostly vendors to our office. So there was this new Gift vendor who wanted to come to our office to show me some samples. This is how my time was spent from 10 am to 2 pm today!
Vendor (calling on mobile): Where exactly is your office?
Me: Do you know Hotel ABC on Koramangala Ring Road?
Me: Great! Give me a call when you reach there and I will guide you the rest of the way.
45 minutes later:
Vendor: I have reached Hotel ABC!
Me: Do you see a road diagonally opposite to it?
Vendor: No! There is no road here!
Me: There is ONLY one road in front of it, and that leads to my office. Please come on that road.
Half an later:
Vendor: I have come down that road.
Me: Where are you now?
Vendor: Near the traffic signal (5 kilometers away)
Me: What???? Why did you go down the main road?
Vendor: You told me to go down the road in front of ABC Hotel!!
Another half an hour later:
Vendor: I am in front of ABC Hotel again.
Me: Great! Let me open a bottle of champagne!
Vendor: Cham....what did you say!
Me: Never mind! You come down that road!
Half an later:
Vendor: I have reached Shoppers Stop!
Me: Jesus Christ!! Where are you?
Vendor: Bannarghatta! ( 20 kilometers way)
Me: But I told you to come to Hotel ABC on Koramangala Ring Road!!!
Vendor: Oh that road yeah? I thought you meant the ABC Hotel near BTM layout!
As if that wasn't enough, such people don’t know how to take a hint too. Or do they? :-S
Time: 2 pm - He arriveth complete with a bag of Gifts that I had asked him to bring. We meet in the conference room!
Vendor: First I give company presentation.
Me: No thanks! Just show me the gifts!
Vendor: See presentation madam. Very good. You get good idea of our company.
Me: I have a meeting....
Vendor ( taking out an album): Our company, Thoughtful Gifts was started in 1897 by Ghansham Das Pyarelal Udham Suresh Haldiram!
Me: Can you show me the gifts please.
Vendor: One day Ghanshamdasji's grandfather was praying at the Sri Durga Temple in Saurashtra...
Me (digging into his bag): This plaque looks cool
Vendor: I will show all madam...and then the goddess appeared to him and...
Me: How much for this Clock cum pen holder.
Vendor: ...then Ghanshamdasji's grandfather had a vision and ....
Me: How much for this FM Radio?
Vendor:...founded this organization. We have dairy farm also!
Me: And how much for this World Clock?
Vendor (pained): Apne tho presentation suna hi nahin! ( But you did not see the presentation!)
Me: I did. Very touching story. So how much for this World Clock?
Vendor (smiling gently): Nahin madam. Tho batayiyen Ghansham Dasji ke beta ka nama kya tha? ( No you didn’t. Tell me what was the name of Ghansham Dasji's son?)
Vendor ( triumphantly): Nahin!!!!! (incorrect)
Murthy (procurement manager): What happened? Why are you screaming like this?
Me ( in kannada): Get this joker out and I don’t want to see him again!!! grrr
Murthy: There is no force on this Earth that can do it. He will come up with a presentation telling me why it is better to do work with him. And I will have to sit and listen to him. Company practices you see. Every Vendor needs to be given a fair hearing :(
Me: How do I get rid of him?
Vendor: If you worried about price, I give discount. But only for bulk orders ji!
Murthy: Tell him that you are traveling to the US and will get back to him next year.
Vendor: Aapk log kya phoos phoos kar rahe ho! [Why are you two going 'phoos phoos' (whispering) ]
Me: Nice meeting you Mr Patel. Unfortunately I am being transferred to the US. So I will get back to you in case I have any requirement!
Vendor: We have US branch too!
Vendor: I give US branch presentation!
Today I met the Vendor again. He was giving a presentation to another department. The Manager of that department has suddenly been transferred to Norway. His assistant is going to Seychelles I think. Clever buggers!! They thought of places where Thoughtful Gifts doesn’t have a branch!! Guess I have a lot to learn! :(