Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Serving you....the BMTC way

Today when our puny, tiny, minuscule, irrelevant-in-the-scheme-of-things-on-Blr-roads car stopped near an almighty giant Bangalore Metropolitan Transport Corporation (BMTC) bus, I was pleasantly surprised to see this legend painted in Arial Font 000.0001 next to the door of the bus. It read:

For complaints and suggestions please call: xxxxxxxxxx
BMTC Call Centre number: xxxxxxxxxx
Control Room: xxxxxxxxxx



Now I have heard of the NASA having a Mission Control Room for its space missions, but BMTC??!?!?!?

Driver Kempanna: Shivajinager we have a problem!!!
Control Room: Kempanna, This is Shivajinagar. Say again please.
Kempanna: Shivajinagar we have a problem. We have run over a pedestrian, two scooters, three cars and a lorry. People are pelting stones!!!
Control Room: Abandon bus immediately. Do you read me????
Kempenna: This is Kempenna reporting from a back alley phone booth. Bus abandoned successfully.

*Standing applause from the Control Room staff seated in front of glowing monitors at the BMTC Control Room. People can be seen crying and hugging and congratulating each other for another crisis averted successfully!*


Of all the Road Transport Corporations in India, I think BMTC is the only one that actually requires a call centre.

BMTC Call Centre: Namaskara! This is the BMTC Call Centre. How may I assist you?
Passenger: I am unable to board the 405 at Agrahara Circle.
BMTC CC: Did you try running and jumping into the bus?
Passenger: No
BMTC CC: Then I suggest you do heh heh


Passenger: Bus number 303 doesnt stop at our bus stop even though it should!
BMTC CC: And which bus stop are you talking about?
Passenger: Mehkri Circle
BMTC CC: Then I suggest you dont try and board the bus from Mehkri Circle heh heh

Passenger: I need to go to Belandur. Which buses should I take?
BMTC CC: hmmm You could take 305 but (lowering his voice) between you and me that driver Rajappa is a tad too drunk today. I would go by the numerous private buses. Much safer understood?
Passenger: Understood....Thanks!!! You are a life saver!
BMTC CC: We are here to help you Sir, thank you for calling the BMTC Call Centre. Have a nice day!!

Passenger: The conductor of 104 refused to give me change!!
BMTC CC: And what does his nameplate say?
Passenger: Ranganna!
BMTC CC: oops I wouldn't mess with him if I were you brrr
Passenger ( in a small voice): *gulp* Ok!

Passenger: The conductor of route number 231 was misbehaving with my daughter.
BMTC CC: heh heh that Lokesh is such a romantic!! Just tell him that you will report to his third wife Gajalakshmi,and he will behave himself. btw her number is 6785939 just in case, but you wont need it...he is shit scared of her hehe


Passenger: You should provide for more buses on our route. We have only one bus coming every four days!
BMTC CC: I am sorry Sir, but the money we kept aside for buying new buses has been used up to pay the 2,857 cases booked against BMTC drivers for haphazard parking, 30078 cases for killing pedestrians and 4000 cases for drunken driving and 50,000 cases for rash driving. You will now be automatically redirected to the office of the &%$#@ Traffic Police Commissioner where you can voice your protest against traffic cops who fine BMTC drivers. Be sure to raise your voice. Every voice counts!!!
Passenger: But...but
BMTC CC: Dont worry Sir, this call is absolutely free and is sponsored by the BMTC Union.

Passenger: I want the BMTC bus schedules...
BMTC CC: Even I want one!!!! har har har Sorry I am cracking up here hahahahaha BMTC and schedules??? hahahahaha!!!!

Yes a call centre is just the ticket to a comfortable ride with BMTC!

53 comments:

mathew said...

NASA mission control and BMTC control room!!..ROTFL!!I was visualising the whole scene!! ;-P

Hey.cmon..BMTC is the tidy kid compared to KSRTC!!

I havent seen anything in life as intimidating as a KSRTC superfast!!

Your 'conisderate' reader said...

Wow ... i have got the honour of posting the first comment here !!!

Thanx to the google feed reader .. just getting to use that . ..

But you see , i had to come to the site to read the full blog,the feed reader gives only the first few lines :( . Now this beats the whole idea of having a feed reader !!! ( or is there a way to display the full blog in the feed reader ... i am trying ..not found so far )

so the feed reader is just a blog-post-alerter !!!

Sandeep Pai said...

LOL -- Absolutely hilarious and those who know Bangalore will know the pains of BMTC !!!

Cheers,
S

Adarsh A. Varghese said...

hilarious as usual! excellent!

Anonymous said...

>Now I have heard of the NASA having a Mission Control Room for its space missions, but BMTC??!?!?!?

Maybe you never saw Volcano (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120461/)

DD said...

Agree with Mathew, nothing to beat KSRTC :)

silverine said...

Mathew: BMTC has a uniqueness unknown to other city transport services :p

considerate reader: I have turned off full syndicate of my blogs, so you wont get the full post in your reader. This was done for some reasons and I will turn the feed to full sometime in the future :) Please bear with me.

sandeep: Thank you :)

adarsh: Thank you and nice to see you blogging again :)

Anon: It is obvious from my post I havent!

DD: True, but BMTC has its unique "culture" :p

Vidhya said...

Hey,

This is one sure way to beat stress.. reading your posts brings back the smile.. Keep rocking!

ap said...

Brilliant!!!!!!

Kerala private bus operators should be over and above these BMTC chaps in terms of creating problems......

PS:btw all my friends are now regular readers of your blog......

Alexis said...

Your love and hate relationship with BMTC still continues. Hilarious as usual. Still ROFL. But I agree with Mathews, KSRTC is deadlier...

~==[[[ Abhi ]]]==~ said...

Rem ur old dialog " The safest place in Bangalore is INSIDE a BMTC bus "- Is it really true that they have a CALL CENTRE?? Is BPO industry taking the whole of B'lore under its effect with even BMTC having call centres!

But what all u may say, K erala SRTC drivers will surely give a stiff fight for the position of " Worst in the world "; no matter whether you're inside or outside the bus, the risk is same when it comes to them.

Brought a smile to my smile-deprived face. I was rolling with laughter when i read the part where the Mission Control averted yet another dangerous situation. Especially the last part with driver reporting from the alley " Mission Accomplished "

Jiby said...

lol...just too good...how do you do this...if i wasnt working i would have laughed my way to tears. just picturising the characters and reading what they have to say...any indian in any part of the country would be able to relate to this post in his/her own way.

Asterix said...

you forgot the obligatory Microsoft tech support statement:

Customer: I am not able to find a seat in the bus.
Tech support: Try disembarking and boarding again.

Sreejith said...

seconds mathew and dd. Absolutely nothing scares me more than a blazing red ksrtc fast passenger... esp the ones on pathanamthitta roads :D

and at the risk of sounding like a broken record, you posts are a riot!

C reader said...

OO ok ..cool . Btw you can also think of having an email subscription as well.

But a concern will be that these will prevent you from getting an idea of the no of readers u have :(

And i am glad that you have a simple template with white bg...helps a lot in not getting conspicuous while reading blogs in office !!!

( i am sure there are a lot of poor ppl like me who have to sneak into reading blogs with the bosses sitting all around :) )

Nanditha Prabhu said...

i too agree with mathew regarding ksrtc...
nice post !

shub said...

rotfl! :D Been there, and cursed thsoe buses!:)

Di said...

:D only one who has travelled in those "thingys" will get to the real soul/sole of the post.. me one of them! :D :D

Anonymous said...

Being a bangalorean, I don't think BMTC is so bad these years(from 6-8 years now)....
i have travelled to lot of other cities in india and abroad.
if you consider the traffic situation(and discipline) in bangalore, i think BMTC drivers should be more aggressive and rash while driving.

~G

mathew said...

Lol!!how much "love" outpouring for KSRTC here..am gratified!!

KSRTC folks..you have created a lasting impression..!!

Why folks spend money on space tourism n stuff..anyone relish the thrill of riding in a KSRTC bus and enjoy ride of a lifetime!!

Fleiger said...

Oh come on... BMTC is in Banglore after all. If not Call Center, what did you expect? I won't be surprised if the reason for next accident is termed as "virus" or "bug".

silverine said...

Vidhya: Thanks! :)

AP: Our state run transport services are the same everywhere :)

Alexis: Thank you :)

Abhi: They actually have a call centre :)

Jiby: Thank you :) Nothing works with these guys, no threats, suspensions etc. So I wondered how a Call Center would work. And the answer was obvious :p

asterix: LOL!!! Good one :))

sreejith: Thank you :)

C reader: I will try and enable emailing when I figure out how :)

nandita: Thank you :)

shub: Yes, you gotta experience their "service" to know :P

Di: Glad to see another fellow sufferer :)

annie: I dont see any hope unless it is privatized!

Anon: This post has nothing to do with how good or bad BMTC is. If you have really traveled in a BMTC bus, then you would have got the gist. But obviously you haven't.

mathew: lol, you are right with this kinda reputation, the Kerala govt should promote "adventure tourism" on KSRTC buses :))


fleiger: lol I wouldn't be surprised at all if such explanations crop up :))

Princess Stefania said...

Hoo boy! Nails on head to say the least.

Iceman said...

lmao...

Neihal said...

hahahahahahaha !!

This is why I love blogworld. Now tell me which news channel or medium will get the msg across with such finesse.

As and wehn I visit Bangalore (whats the new spelling? :P) I'll make sure to see these buses from as far as possible.
:D

Kusum Rohra said...

LOL !!!

Maddy said...

that was a good one, got me smiling and i remembered the times on those buses and the stands at majestic and kalasipalaya!!!

Aditya Khurana said...

hey hii miss silverine.
i must say u added another one to the list of your fans. really hilarious and a fascinating read it was. keep up the good one and looking fwd to your next post.
take care

Aditya Khurana said...

hey hii miss silverine.
i must say, you have added another one to your fan's list.
a truly hilarious and a fascinating read it was. looking forward to your next post.
take care

hope and love said...

hilarious...! at least the BMTC responds. ksrtc doesnt bother to even do that.
:))

G said...

LMAO @ Shivajinagar, we have a problem.

Good one!

SP said...

Dont forget their absolutely rude behaviour with people who dont know Kannada.

luisgonewild said...

i was just going thru ur blog...when i read about the ur experinces in copying...by any chance were u refernig to my blog...if not whose was it?

silverine said...

princess stefania: :)

iceman: :)

neihal: Stay away from them if you are planning on living a long life with your limbs intact :p But do try the Volvo service. It has only killed three people so far near HAL :p

Kusum: Thanks girl :)

maddy: Now we have Shivajinagar too. Buses are blue in color but just as deadly!

aditya: Thanks buddy, welcome to my blog :)

HnL: Thansk doc :)

sp: You are right!

luisgonewild: I suggest you go thru the post again, dont think you read it properly :p

flaashgordon said...

Way too good.. guess u have covered most scenarios already :-))))But how does the recorded messages go ? Btw seems everyone get thru to the voice service so easily !! I thot they have something like - If you are a BMTC driver dial 1, If you are a BMTC survivor dial 911, If you are in hospital and want to complain against a BMTC driver please leave your name and number and our union members will get in touch with you shortly :-))

Arunima said...

awesome stuff...heard u your blog was hilarious and it is :))

BMTC..man its nothing compared to DTC. Me thinks they have well defined targets every morning..

1) Bang 1000 vehicles
2) Kill 300 people
3) cause 100000 heart attacks

ഫ്രാന്‍‍സിയര്‍ said...

wow thats a mix of technology and humour....but KSRTC; I think these days they refuse to answer even if NASA calls...your blogs trigger endorphins.

luisgonewild said...

No dear...what i was eluding to was the quote form the begining of ur post

"Recently I read this amazing post by a guy blogger describing the various methods he and his friends employed to ‘cheat’ during exams"

so i was wondering whether the guy blogger u were refering to was me..since i did write one abt such a topic...

Wanderlust said...

Ha Ha ...another good post as usual...have you ever been to Mumbai? I would think from your post then BMTC and BMC bus services are quite close cousins..

nasia said...

LOL!

?bLeAk?!! said...

:)
nice blog..
and thanks for the advice on dancing..
and i plan to do exactly as you suggested..

Thursday said...

lolz..incredible post!..an i empathise completely..coz as a resident of pune,lemme tell ya that the buses der cld prolly give competition to blore buses..

the only thing i've seen which can move any full grown man to tears, besides his mother and onions, are Pune Buses(though when u think abt the frequency of these buses, i'm led to conclude that there is,in fact, only One bus.one bus which heaves and chortles its way thru d entire city, masqueraded as several buses by evil villanious conductors who surreptitiously change the name boards and bus numbers)..

First of all, nobody(including the driver)has any idea whr the bus is s'posed to be headed. the barbarian driver merely careens around corners and runs traffic lights on whichever route catches his fancy that day.the board in front of the bus which lists all of the buses stops, suspiciously, is scripted in archaic,hebrew like alphabets, half covered in pan n scribblings of 'Raj louves Priya'..*gulp*

now, if for some inexplicable reason, you decided you Had to board the bus, and willingly put yourself thru god knows how many hours of screaming and clinging to the seat leather with ur teeth an being disembowelled by fellow masochists..uh passengers.., then there is the teensy weensy issue of boarding the bus.

u see, the buses dont stop at stops. you have to hop-skip-jump (or generally hop-skip-jump-miss-fall-die) onto d bus.

here r a few basic rules to keep in mind:
rule 1.the driver is god- he can take u wherever he wants, has ur life in his hands, and cannot be sued(for all d dogs,chickens and citizens he will run over)

rule2:the conductor is evil, but not god- once in a while, you can catch a fleeting glimpse of panic on his face as the bus flies(really,wheels not touchin the road) towards the main entrance of some school/market/mall.

rule 3:all tickets cost the same- whether u wanna go to the next corner,across town, or hell.u'l never get to the first 2 places anyway,so it hardly makes any difference.

rule 4:the evil conductor will:
Appendix i.if you're a girl,leer and look only south of your face, while imbedding the change coin by coin into your hand
Appendix ii.if you're a guy, shove you violently into the back of the bus and ignore you completely,unless you both are like minded individuls, in which case they will join forces in pursuing 'Appendix i'

sigh. neva thot i'd miss KSRTC buses!n sorry bout d post-sized comment..:) keep up the awesome bloggin!

anN-series said...

very true...but not jus wid BMTC but wid every other state run transport corporations!!!!HILARIOUS post

Anjaan said...

Whattte FUn!

Amooma said...

har har har indeed! ROTFL, my god! but really, are BMTC anywhere as bad as KSRTC? Once u have been in a KSRTC, u can travel with ease in any bus, thats what i have found out ( at least in madras)

silverine said...

flaash: Hilarious!!! That scenario is so true to life you know? :))

arunima: That was a good one. I guess they do have targets :))

francier: Thank you :)

luisgonewild: I was referring to your first comment "ur experiences in copying...by any chance were u referring to my blog And no, it was not your post.

wanderlust: Thank you. Unfortunately I haven't traveled in BEST buses :)

nasia: :)

bleak: Thank you :)

Thursday: Maaaan, your Pune guys seem to beat BMTC hollow!!! :)) Thanks for the enlightening comment and no worries about its length. Enjoyed it! :)

ann-series: Thanks girl :)

anjaan: tsk tsk Radio City will sue ya :p Thanks buddy :)

amooma: Read all your comments at the other posts too and thanks for the same :) I think by the end of the post we all agree that our RTC's are the pits :p

cOOL_aLIEN_fRM_mARS said...

ROFL :)

Ashok said...

Hilarious! Haven't taken a Kerala SRTC bus for over a decade. When compared to their counterparts in Delhi, the KSRTC conductors are very friendly and polite. I'll get into a BMTC when I am in Bangalore next -- thanks to this post.

Sachin R K said...

Uproariously funny :))) ...you really outdid yourself there...guess I wont be calling BMTC Control Center in a hurry :)

silverine said...

cool alein: :)

Ashok: Come to think of it all RTCs are the same what with the union being so strong. So a call centre will have to resort to such tactics :)

Sachin rk: Thanks buddy, nice to see ya :)

pophabhi said...

Being away for around a month, and not laughing meanwhile looks worthy now. I have been ROTFL for some time, and now the area near my seat has developed into a well. The post was just amazing. The concept, execution everything....hilarious. But, as Mathew told, BMTC guys are given only an elementary level of training by KSRTC people...Wait till they pass SSLC :)

silverine said...

Abhi: I read your post on the Himalayan Odyssey and saw the photos too. Amazing stuff you guys did! Hats off!!

Anonymous said...

Brilliant!!