Today when our puny, tiny, minuscule, irrelevant-in-the-scheme-of-things-on-Blr-roads car stopped near an almighty giant Bangalore Metropolitan Transport Corporation (BMTC) bus, I was pleasantly surprised to see this legend painted in Arial Font 000.0001 next to the door of the bus. It read:
For complaints and suggestions please call: xxxxxxxxxx
BMTC Call Centre number: xxxxxxxxxx
Control Room: xxxxxxxxxx
Now I have heard of the NASA having a Mission Control Room for its space missions, but BMTC??!?!?!?
Driver Kempanna: Shivajinager we have a problem!!!
Control Room: Kempanna, This is Shivajinagar. Say again please.
Kempanna: Shivajinagar we have a problem. We have run over a pedestrian, two scooters, three cars and a lorry. People are pelting stones!!!
Control Room: Abandon bus immediately. Do you read me????
Kempenna: This is Kempenna reporting from a back alley phone booth. Bus abandoned successfully.
*Standing applause from the Control Room staff seated in front of glowing monitors at the BMTC Control Room. People can be seen crying and hugging and congratulating each other for another crisis averted successfully!*
Of all the Road Transport Corporations in India, I think BMTC is the only one that actually requires a call centre.
BMTC Call Centre: Namaskara! This is the BMTC Call Centre. How may I assist you?
Passenger: I am unable to board the 405 at Agrahara Circle.
BMTC CC: Did you try running and jumping into the bus?
BMTC CC: Then I suggest you do heh heh
Passenger: Bus number 303 doesnt stop at our bus stop even though it should!
BMTC CC: And which bus stop are you talking about?
Passenger: Mehkri Circle
BMTC CC: Then I suggest you dont try and board the bus from Mehkri Circle heh heh
Passenger: I need to go to Belandur. Which buses should I take?
BMTC CC: hmmm You could take 305 but (lowering his voice) between you and me that driver Rajappa is a tad too drunk today. I would go by the numerous private buses. Much safer understood?
Passenger: Understood....Thanks!!! You are a life saver!
BMTC CC: We are here to help you Sir, thank you for calling the BMTC Call Centre. Have a nice day!!
Passenger: The conductor of 104 refused to give me change!!
BMTC CC: And what does his nameplate say?
BMTC CC: oops I wouldn't mess with him if I were you brrr
Passenger ( in a small voice): *gulp* Ok!
Passenger: The conductor of route number 231 was misbehaving with my daughter.
BMTC CC: heh heh that Lokesh is such a romantic!! Just tell him that you will report to his third wife Gajalakshmi,and he will behave himself. btw her number is 6785939 just in case, but you wont need it...he is shit scared of her hehe
Passenger: You should provide for more buses on our route. We have only one bus coming every four days!
BMTC CC: I am sorry Sir, but the money we kept aside for buying new buses has been used up to pay the 2,857 cases booked against BMTC drivers for haphazard parking, 30078 cases for killing pedestrians and 4000 cases for drunken driving and 50,000 cases for rash driving. You will now be automatically redirected to the office of the &%$#@ Traffic Police Commissioner where you can voice your protest against traffic cops who fine BMTC drivers. Be sure to raise your voice. Every voice counts!!!
BMTC CC: Dont worry Sir, this call is absolutely free and is sponsored by the BMTC Union.
Passenger: I want the BMTC bus schedules...
BMTC CC: Even I want one!!!! har har har Sorry I am cracking up here hahahahaha BMTC and schedules??? hahahahaha!!!!
Yes a call centre is just the ticket to a comfortable ride with BMTC!