Happy Birthday!

Like most mothers of true blue achayan boys my ammachi (grandma) was also a very jovial woman. (When you can’t beat them join 'em in the mischief was her motto). She had nothing to complain. Her kids were religious, did not trouble her chickens too much and were good in studies ( though she never understood why studies were so important anyways). She also managed to change her morose achayan husband after a few years of living together as man and wife and half a dozen sons.

Her eldest son (yours truly's dad) surprised her and her hubby by getting into some godforsaken college called IIT is some godforsaken land ( Definition of godforsaken land - land with no churches).She never understood why he couldn’t join the really nice neighbourhood Arts and Commerce College, (besides the priests were so nice too.) When her eldest son’s eldest son too went his father’s way she clucked her tongue in disapproval. And then when her eldest sons second son too joined some Management Institute her disapproval was complete. Too bad she didn’t live to see her only granddaughter go to a “proper college” unlike her brothers who went to some stupid “institute”.( I know she would have been proud of me had she been alive).

The second Thomaskutty was a maths whiz ( heh heh he is my Godfather too :p) and wanted to do some really blasphemous stuff like *gasp* "further studies" on a scholarship in the US. Ammachi put her foot down saying. "You wanted to study and we let you, you wanted to study further and we humoured you again, but there should be a limit to your greed. You are not going anywhere!!!”

The third a really really phlegmatic and extremely handsome achayan, Kurien ,who is known to speak only if someone holds a gun to his head and says "Speak" or during extremely grave crisis that necessitates communication like "My glass is empty, pass the bottle" is the reason I am a bird lover and a blogger today. Now how can a man who rarely speaks and a girl who does not know how to shut up get along together? Well like a house on fire, literally. The uncle niece relationship blossomed over the years due to the simple fact that my uncle was too phlegmatic to say "Shut up for Gods sake!!!" If I ever went missing all my grandma had to do was to yell "Kuriacho!!" and Kuriachen would appear from somewhere ( as he never verbally answered anyones call) and I would be right behind him. Kuriachende vaalu or Kurian’s tail was my other nickname. Our relationship was/is unique:

Uncle: *pointing to a bird*
Me: That is a crow isnt it?
Uncle: *pained expression on the face*
Me: Egret?
Uncle: *look of absolute horror*
Me: uppan?(coucal)
Uncle: *smile*

(He once wanted to join Communication Classes but could not convince the interviewer that he wasn’t a piece of furniture!)

It was due to this Uncle that a young girl seated on a gentleman’s lap in a kallu shaap (toddy shop) became a not so unique sight in my village. In fact they even had a special menu for me namely, less spicy fish fry, less spicy beef fry and less spicy other fries generally found in the kallu shaaps. It was also due to this uncle’s popularity that my dad never found out my err... trysts and the reason why toothless sweet old men smiled at me in the church and at the market. (I was an elite member of the kallu shaap club at the tender age of three!)

My ammachi like most mothers just knew what her son wanted even if he rarely opened his mouth.

Uncle: *sitting at the dinner table*
Ammachi: What do you mean, you don’t want dinner today? Absolutely not possible, you got to eat something!
Uncle: *silence*
Ammachi: Fine, if you want mango chutney I will make some for you.
Uncle: *silence*
Ammaachi: Ok ok I wont force you have my cabbage thoran *grumble* What have you got against it anyway?!!!

Even the other five brothers just had to look at him to know what he was thinking:

My Dad: I say we buy a 100 Pipers this weekend.
Uncle: *inscrutable look*
Second Uncle: Kuriacha for gods sake not Bagpiper, I can’t stand it’s smell.
Uncle: *inscrutable look*
My Dad: *sigh* if Kuriachan insists we will get his Bagpiper but the rest of us stick to 100 Pipers.
Uncle: *inscrutable look*
Third Uncle: What did you say? You think 100 Pipers is no good? Blasphemous!!
My Dad: Stop arguing both of you!!!!!

For his wedding there was trouble brewing:

Priest: And do you Kuriachen Mathai K take Annama Varkey to be your lawfully wedded wife?
Uncle: *innocent boyish smile*
My Dad: err he does, he does!!
Priest: Do you promise to take care of her in sickness and health, good times and bad times till death do you part?
Uncle: *innocent boyish smile*
Another brother: He does, I swear he does.
Ammachi: *almighty God I will donate an entire coconut bunch at the edapally if this marriage goes through amen*
Bride: *sob*

Infact after his marriage it was my Ammachi and her sons who had to come to the rescue of his new bride.

Bride: I think my husband is dead *sob*
Ammachi: Ente karthave, what happened?
Bride: I took coffee for him but he did not move from the bed!!!
Ammachi: *whew* you scared me Annamme!! It just means you are standing on his slippers!! AND DONT SCARE ME LIKE THAT AGAIN!!!!!

The only time I heard him speak was the day I picked up a dead chameleon by the tail and proudly showed it to him. He looked at me in consternation and said the most profound words ever spoken by him. “Aiyyo!!!”

(And thus having exhausted his quota of speech for six months he never spoke again for the next six months.)

Today when I wished my favourite uncle a very happy birthday I could hear the unspoken *thank you, god bless you* in the silence and the sweet smile.

You are the best uncle on this planet and the gentlest human being and perhaps the most gentlemanly gent on this earth Kurian uncle!!!

Many happy returns of the day!

( p.s I waited till midnight to post this as today is his birthday!)