Sunday, April 01, 2007

Deepening the rot


Mumbai: At a recently concluded Press Conference the Chief of BCCI announced that they have decided on the people who will coach a totally new Indian Cricket Team. The selected people and their designations are given below. It is hoped that the vast experience and expertise of these people will help mold a World Class Indian Cricket Team.

Sachin Tendulkar: Chief Coach
Sourav Ganguly: Assistant Coach
Dhoni: Adviser to Chief Coach
Sreesanth: Adviser to Assistant Coach

Anil Kumble: Chief Bowling Coach
Harbhajan Singh: Assistant to Chief Bowling Coach
Irfan Pathan: Assistant Bowling Coach
Zaheer Khan: Assistant to Assistant Bowling Coach

Yuvraj Singh: Chief Fielding Coach
Dhoni: Assistant Fielding Coach
Munaf Patel: Assistant to Chief Fielding Coach

Rahul Dravid: Chief Batting Coach
Virender Sehwag: Assistant Batting Coach
Dinesh Karthik: Adviser to Chief Batting Coach
Robin Uthapa: Adviser to Assistant Batting Coach

The team selection will be concluded in a couple of years or four, but the appointment of the coaches is immediate. According to inside sources corporates like Frankfinn Airhostess School, Achumama School of Charm and Faultless English and Uma Bharti Finishing School and IIPM have already booked the coaches for endorsements.

According to the BCCI the new coaches of the the next India World Cup squad is deadly enough to give the sponsors good mileage for their money.

When this reporter asked a BCCI official about the probables for the next "Indian World Cup Team" he said quote "Indian Cricket Team? Whatiteez?" unquote.



Jay Sun said...

Nice... :)

Iyer Education said...

this is new news... the last time i heard, these guys were applying for ireland citizenship... just so that they can play super 8's...

that sure is flash news :)

Neihal said...

excellent line up!!
who can argue that ;)

Plus sponsors now dont have to worry abt the match result :P

mathew said...

And a new format world cup where select handpicked countries like bermuda..ivory coast..suriname..luxemburg..vatican city..and vanuatu..will be invited!!

Bangladesh was part of initial list later on dropped for meeting the benchmarks..

What these guys gonna do now is hold a series back home on pitched tailor made for our folks and grounds as big as the school ground we have back home..they thrash up some non descript team.and the media will proclaim them as GODS again...

nice one Anjali..equally sad too..

Fleiger said...

So, will these coaches play the matches in the interim till the new "team" is selected? Or will there be no more matches till the selection process is over?

Fleiger said...

On a related note, can I ask your permission to post this article on the fake-news group blog I started (Khabari LOL)? Of course, there will be a mention that you (a guest reporter) wrote this, withh links to your blog and everything...
On the other hand, can I tempt you to join that blog? No restrictions on posting, just cross-post any such "fake news" posts you write.

Sachin R K said...

Come on India...Go get the 2011 Cup :PPP

silverine said...

Jaysun: Thank you :)

iyer education: Take them by surprise is the new motto of BCCI :p

neihal: Eggxatly! Sponsors don't have to worry about anything at all from now on!!! :p

mathew: "Bangladesh was part of initial list later on dropped for meeting the benchmarks.." ROFL
Good one!!!

fleiger; You are so intelligent! You guesed right. The coaches will play the match in the interim and if their wards are not found fit then the coaches will represent the country for the next World Cup! :p

Please go ahead and post this on Khabari, mucho honored :)

Sachin: We will go to the 2011 tourists :P

Alexis said...

Nice one...ROTFL. BTW, any chance of a singing coach?

Anonymous said...

Well to counter the Aussies we better get a swearing coach...and poor sreeshanth, he would have preferred the portfolio of a dancing coach if there be one.

Looking at the brighter side of things we should be happy that we still have people who look forward to coaching our side,spare a thought for the Pakistan side !!!


Browser said...

From the desk of the Pres, ICC*.

From now on, there will be no fixed number for the qualifying matched to the super 8. Teams will play each other as many times as it takes for the team with the higer ad rating to win. The other option is if the opponents with the lower rating provide a walk through. The higer ad rated team does not have the option to give a walk through.


Fleiger said...

Done... I have posted this as a "guest article" (I have taken some liberties like changing the title, can you tell me if that is OK). And I assume this means I didn't tempt you enough to join :( Anyways, think about it, and can I ask you to send me links to articles you think can fit there? :D

Also, I have got a suggestion. Why not start our own World Cup, with hosts "wild-card"ed into second round (though they will play first round matches). That way, we can include teams like Bermuda, Scotland, Canada, (maybe now Pakistan)...

Manu said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

this can be offensive to the team !

Lazith Aziz said...

hahaha! lol too good....god alone knows what are they upto.! hope this post does not come up as the first result for a google search when searched for "Indian Cricket Team"... Silv, you are on Sidhu way..balle..balle!

aks said...

hey sil,
guess ur passion for the game does the game good.....

silverine said...

Alexis: Thank you :) Singing coach? noooooo

satish: "spare a thought for the Pakistan side !!!" That was too good LOL!!!

browser: :))
That was the icing on the whole sordid cake!!! Good one!

fleiger: Thank you :) I wont be able to contibute to Khabari as I am hard pressed for time to write here itself! And your suggestions are just what we need to revive Indian cricket :p

anon: Indian cricket team? Whatiteez??!

lazith" "god alone knows what are they upto" Very true, no one has a clue including themselves! :p

Aks: Thanks buddy! :)

Annie: Moi in Kerala, and the creep err hunk says 'hi' too :p Happy Easter girl!

Fleiger said...

Hmm... freelancer then. At least for now ;)
BTW, couldn't help noticing... "creeper hunk"... is that male version of Poison Ivy?

anup.777 said...

:) wish u a Happy n Blessed Easter, AP!!! [:)

anthony said...

Long time silver...

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Please check this post out.

Some anti-outsourcing, hate site have google bombed the key word h1b official website.
We will just try to beat that site in their own game. Since you also a pretty popular and authoritative blog, your support will be very precious :)

Pawan said...

Good one! Sreesanth would also have additional responsibility for Dance Coach. BCCI is actually working on different set of rules for next World Cup to be held in India. Balls have to bowled at least 12 inches outside off stump, no more than one good length ball allowed per over and each bowler is allowd only one yorker per 5 overs. The maximum speed of balls is limited to 20mph (so that Gangs, Tendulkar can see the ball clearly with their eyes in 4 years time from now).