Last month, as I weaved my way through the traffic I saw a yellow monstrosity in the rear view mirror. I groaned inwardly. Past experience has taught me that owners of such made up cars are wont to show off when they see a girl. And sure enough the moment our Charlie spotted me on the bike, he started revving his engine and weaving left to right in front of me showing off his glorious rotten egg yolk yellow car with blood red vein like lines across *ugh*. I hate such drivers, as they make you lose your balance by suddenly appearing and cutting across your way. Finally we reached the traffic lights and I managed to reach near him and let out a really filthy insult onto his grinning face. "CREEP!!!" I said with all the venom I could muster. He collapsed on the steering wheel laughing and drove away guffawing when the lights turned green. I was left wondering what was so funny.
Last week someone drove his bike in front of me, causing me to nearly fall down, I screeched "Worm!!!" He got off his bike, sat down on the pavement held his stomach and almost died laughing.
Then another time when a car full of guys were tailing me I stopped the bike and waited till they came near me and let out a particularly filthy (according to my standards) insult. "DOGS!!!" I shouted. They nearly drove into a tree due to hysterical laughter (wish they had hit the tree).
And then one time, an auto suddenly came in front of me from nowhere making me jam the brake and scream "VERMIN!!!!". My cousin brother who was riding pillion fell off the bike giggling. And he kept laughing till we reached home after which he got out and held his stomach and collapsed on the floor laughing.
It is then the realization dawned on me that if I do not seriously upgrade to some choice epithets I may soon develop ulcer or heartburn from the sheer frustration of my insults having no results.
Anyways after listening to my woes, one section of the male community in my extended family decided that they will suitably arm me with some really vicious but acceptable-to-the-feminine-community insults. I felt relieved. Now I could have the satisfaction of seeing peoples face crumple up when I insulted them and I would drive away with my head held high. When the carefully prepared list was delivered to me I had to consult the Medical Dictionary a cousin brother who was studying in St John's Medical College forgot in our house. I finally found the meanings in the "Men's Problems" section. Due to reasons I cannot expound here I had to unfortunately discard the list and I found no reason to thank the creators of the list.
Another group then decided to help out. This group having seen the list given by the Group One decided that they will try a "milder version" of the former list. Again some concerted consulting in the Medical Dictionary and I found the meaning in the "The Large Intestine" section of the Medical Dictionary. I was horrified!!! My "teachers" were more horrified than me that their "work-of-art" was treated with such disrespect and they decided that it was no use wasting their time on me.
It was then that my eldest bro suggested a way out. And I am happy to announce that it works!!!! Now no guy can cross my path and leave unscathed :) Last time when an Enfield Bullet rider suddenly landed in front of me, I called his bike a "dabba". The look on his face was priceless!!!!!