Friday, August 25, 2006

Testing times...

According to a recent news report, Medical professionals and Medical Insurance companies are at war. Apparently Insurance companies do not want to reimburse big medical bills of patients, and want doctors to prescribe less expensive treatments. This is being construed as interference by doctors who allege that Insurance companies are now advising them on treatment.

Doctor: Nurse, this patient has Brain Cancer, we will give him a Pre-Irradiation Taxol Administered as a 96 Hour Infusion followed by Irradiation 9-Amino-20(S)-Camptothecin (9-AC) Administered as a 72 Hour Infusion and in the third phase ....
Insurance man: er…..sorry to interrupt doc, but don’t you think a 'Crocin' will do just fine!?

The Insurance companies on the other hand are alleging that doctors are piling up huge bills by ordering unnecessary tests and procedures when they see that a patient has medical insurance.

Doctor to patient (gravely) : I am afraid you have Coryza ( common cold).
Patient (aghast) : Oh my God that sounds horrible!!!! *sob*
Doctor (sadly) : Yes, it is terrible!
Patient (breaking down) : No no no...
Doctor (soothingly) : There, there, all is not lost. Here is a list of tests you will have to do so that we can commence treatment immediately! Everything will be just alright after the test er...I mean treatment.

List of tests and procedures:

Abdominal MRI
Barium Enema
Cardiac Blood Pool Scan
Decompressive laminectomy for spinal stenosis
ECG
Fasting Blood Sugar Test
Gallbladder Scan
Hair transplantation surgery
Ileorectal anastomosis for ulcerative colitis
Joint X-Ray
Kidney Scan
Lactic Acid Dehydrogenase
MRI
Neck X-Ray
Obstetric Ultrasound
Paternity Test
Quick Strep Test
Radical prostatectomy
Skull X-ray
Thyroid Biopsy
Upper Gastrointestinal Endoscopy
Vasectomy reversal
Weber Test
Xylose Tolerance Test
Y ( oops no tests beginning with Y)
Z ( ditto)

Patient (looking at the list) : oh my gawwwwd I am going to die isn't it? *waaaaah*
Doctor (sadly) : I am afraid so, if I don’t have the test results quick. And *sniff* don’t forget to tell the Lab that I sent you!

52 comments:

Fleiger said...

The eternal war between Doctors and Insurance people. With medical reps on doctor's side and... do insurance people need anybody on their side?

Though I don't mind how many tests I have to do for common cold or a simple muscle sprain as long as my insurance pays for it (A sentiment my friend is sharing at the moment, having paid more than $1500 for annual insurance)

Anonymous said...

=))

do they actually order these tests?

~me

Jeseem said...

sadly i know exactly the feeling.
do u know a doc in us makes more than 250k $$ per year.
and insurance companies make multi-million profits.
sadly i miss goign to doc and paying 50 rupees.

the only escape, either become a doc or join an insurance co. I heard they hav need for media persons 'cause of all the negative publicity, especially funny media people :))

Jim said...

*sigh* it's finally happening, the curse of health insurance catches up with India. I guess it's now a good thing that my brother's a doc :) "Well hello, bro! Doncha remember your fave sibling? *fake smile*"

Immigrant in Canada said...

Silverine, oh silverine.... My oldest daughter wants to know, why mama is laughing so much?

Anand K said...

Ahhhhh..... docs aren't what they used to be, eh? ;)
Some of them have gone to the Dark Side joining luminaries like Dr.Mengele and Dr.Duvalier. Thing is, they have swim in the same sea we do... once consumer rights kick in in a major way, they HAVE to shelve a lot of money for insurance. Docs in the US spend like close to half a million a year.... in case *someone* sues them for a botched diagnosis/operation. Unlike India, the Doc himslef has to pay the charges which can run into millions of dollars.... I believe it's happening here too. And with the new patent regime, there *might* be a compounding effect too...
-----------
Anecdote time:
Foreign returned Gastro doc (been there for decades) with a failing skill in Mallu language meets a rustic patient who he just worked on. Doc wants to inform him that his residual gas will be gone in a day or two....

Patient: "Doctere, ee gyaasu prablem enna sherikkum theerunne? Voperation okke theernittu naalu divasam aayello!"
Doc:Rogi pedikkenda.... don't worry. Kaattu innu poyillengil, naale pokum.
:D

Get it? :P

James Bright said...

That was absolutely great my dear!
I am very surprised to see your medical vocabulary.
Great job indeed!

Mind Curry said...

oh no..how did you see the list of tests i gave to that patient?!?!
:P

for the record, i manage most of my "coryza" patients with just two of the tests you have listed:

B- Barium enema when they have headache too,
and
H- Hair transplantation surgery for coping with the stress (especially when patients are pulling their hair out)

I feel good about myself now after reading about the kind of docs you have mentioned writing A-Z tests!

haha..this was good..enjoyed it thoroughly..awesome imagination!

shruti said...

he he ..this was too good..even I have heard of such things ..and a doc even tried to cheat me cos he thought the company reimbursed me . I politely told him that he shouldnt be charging me and I am only partly reimbursed . Since then I havent been to that doc. Docs are people who are held in the highest regard and still some of them end up maligning the profession .

Sreejith Kumar said...

Waaaaaaaaajhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Are you working in Communications or Medical Transcription?????? That was a wonderful list.

Kautilya said...

I hate docs...
I hate the insurance guyz...

May I never ever need both of em...

Lost in trance... said...

i have a cold now. do i need to go for Hair transplantation surgery?

AJITH said...

----
Obstetric Ultrasound
----
-- Don't say that this was prescribed for a guy :)

sugar n spice said...

hehe waat hai patients ki! :D

srinivasan said...

Insurance man: er…..sorry to interrupt doc, but don’t you think a 'Crocin' will do just fine!?

ROTFL

srinivasan said...

p.s.

Hair transplantation surgery
Paternity Test
Vasectomy reversal


more ROTFL

have forwarded this to all my doc friends and everyone is rofl

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

hey !

remember the ad for common cold :

with our medicine , a common cold that lasts a week will be cured in 7 days !

:P

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

Previous post
================

Whatz the origin of the post ? Admin and Windows problems yet again ?

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

Pre Previous post :
=====================


Mom: Rahul please show these stupid people that you know Savita maasi’s number by heart because you eat Kellogs Cornflakes.
Rahul: "Twenty eight multiplied by three is eighty four, divided by two is forty two, so the number is 28384242"
Mother: Amazing!!! Come let us sit and eat Kellogs Cornflakes together, chumma just like that.


but , 28 *3 is not 84 ....!
i am smart

Pssst : i dont eat kellogs .. heh heh !!!

L . Hyena said...

lol...You put it so damn well...

silverine said...

fleiger: The war has shifted 'theater' to India now!

Anon: Well that was an analogy :)

Jeseem: Wow do they make so much? I am all for joining an Ins co if it saves me the paper work :)

jim: lol time for 'brotherly ties' to be renewed :))

Sarah: Thank you 'doc'!!! :))

Anand: That joke is winging it's way across the seven seas and almost got me thrown out of office today for laughing hysterically :)) It is soooo hilarious!!!!

James: WebMD zindbad :p

mind curry: ROFTL
good choice of tests doc :p
mmmm I sort of waylaid your patient and made him reveal all :)) I can be ahem quite 'persuasive' you know ;)

shruthi: Thank you dear, I was quite tickled to hear this news :))

sreejith: The list is courtesy WebMD :)

kautilya: They are a pain I agree!!! grr

lost in trance: LOL yes, they will tell you to do that mebe even a pregnancy test if possible :p

Ajith: That was just my way of describing the most useless tests some docs put you thru:)

sugar n spice: :))

srinivas: Thank God they are laughing :)

Deepa: That was a good one lol

Deepa: We used MS Word colors to describe some really bad shade of color :)

Deepa: Neither do i eat kellogs :)

l.hyena: Thank you :)

Fleiger said...

Hmm... but the arms dealers don't mind that.

My view is a bit biased in this case, as I have a lot of doctor friends. And if doctors/labs don't order equipments me and my colleagues prepare for them, what will we do? That's why I said, more (the tests,) the merrier, as long as my insurance pays for it.

Alexis Leon said...

That was a smashing post. I am still ROFL. I really like the A-Z list of test. Amazing medical vocabulary!

Now I am afraid to go to a hospital and with mind curry only ordering barium enema and hair transplantation, I can’t go to him either.

@Anand: That story was really hilarious.

calvin said...

Rockin Dude.. That A-z List is awesome. How in the world did you come up with it ?

Inder said...

you study medicine in your free time!!??

venus said...

tell us the truth, were you going thru some first year MBBS book or medical encyclopedia ;) ??

quills said...

Haha..they say laughter is the best medicine and you are steadily providing us with huge doses of it. :) Thanks so much!

@anand: LOL so funny! Man! where do you come up with these gems? :))

Anand K said...

@ Silverne, Alexis and Quills:

Heh Heh... Mogambo Khush Hua!
The doc in this story is the dad of a junior of mine in school. Pretty reputed guy apparently, but his Malayalam sucks! There are other gems.... but dunno if *those* stories are apocryphal.

G said...

Imagine this.

Scene1: A bus carrying a whole lot of medical insurance wallahs has an accident and all those medical insirance wallahs are taken to hospital to be treated for minor injuries.

Scene2: Someone has called ahead and warns the doctors, who having heard all of this, are rubbing their hands with glee.

No Barium Enemas, No Hair Transplants and No Ileorectal anastomosis for ulcerative colitis. The medical insurance guys will be informed of the huge cost cutting drive the doctors are undertaking. Therefore, the whole lot of insurance wallahs will get injections - from the same syringe, will be given Crocin to ease the pain and will NOT be sent to any Labs for further tests.

Whats next Silv? A post on super-speciality hospitals?

silverine said...

fleiger: Amen :)

Alexis: Thank you so much.
"Now I am afraid to go to a hospital and with mind curry only ordering barium enema and hair transplantation, I can’t go to him either." ROFL

Aashik: I wonder and hence I Google ;)

inder: I am planning to :p

venus: The omniscient Google dear :)

Quills: Thank you dear :) Do check out another gem of a shayari from the Anand gharana at Jiby's post :)

Anand: Surely you can't stop at one!!! C'mon please do give us some more of these anecdotes as a post :)

G: That was too good a scenario LOL Made me so happy just visualising it LOL You are giving Doc Mind Curry ideas now !!!!
This post was a reaction to the news in TOI Blr last week :)

GhostOfTomJoad said...

What are you, a practising doctor on the side? :-) Nicely done!

Luckily, the two occasions on which we had to claim insurance worked rather well. But, I've read about the nightmarish experience that many have had.

mathew said...

Ileorectal anastomosis for ulcerative colitis

now where the hell did u get that..ROTFL!!!

my cousin docs mite go helter skelter if i show em this entry!! ;)

mathew said...

you a doc by last birth..??

yeah..yeah am serious.. ;)

Dhanush said...

That A-Z thing was fundoo and funny :)

neermathalam said...

btb r u a doc..
u seem to knw A2Z of diagnosios..
;)

alex said...

What is the world coming to? :(

seriously_frivolous said...

ha ha..funny one. I can think of one hospital in my neighbourhood in airport road, where for every visit they give such a long list that it ensures I have a tour of the entire building.

While the medical insurance guys might want docs to prescribe a crocin for a cancer, they life insurance guys might not be too happy with it. That would be an interesting fight!

Jiby said...

u shud add in a week of prescribed in-hospital stay to make allowances for lazy technicians, radiologists and all that paraphernalia to get these tests done!!

esvee said...

Not fair at all...I just returned after "being subjected" to a series of medical tests...and was planning to write about it..there goes my blog subject....

I paid around INR 18000 for the medical tests just for a report saying that i'm in a good state of health at the time of the examination..(guess they know after examination nobody will be in a good state of health.. physical and mental :-(

ente pocket keerunna sound ningalenganum kettayirunno?

White Forest said...

sounded for me like a critical reasoning discussion :)

Fleiger said...

Of course, in India, we don't have simialr insurance system, meaning the interest on the loan for doctor's graduate education is normally paid by the patienst he gets initially.

Think of it as educational cess...

silverine said...

ghostoftomjoad: Thank you. This was just a reaction to the news :)

mathew; Please send this to your cousin, but dont tell him about my blog, I dont want profanities as comments :p Got these terms from WebMD via Google.

dhanush: thank you :)

neermathalam: Everything is available on Google nowadays. One day we maybe able to operate with instructions from Google.

"Make a diagonal incision.then click here"
Error 404 page not opening
Announce bad news to relations
For "breaking bad news gently" Click here
"
:))

Alex: It is only gonna get worse before it gets better :(

jiby: aargh don't get me started on another post on in-house tests!!!!

esvee: Loud and clear and from the noise I can make out that it was a large tear LOL...18000 K??? What did they do? A ceasarean ? brrr

white forest: It is, join in :)

fleiger: Watch out, you will have docs with their lancets on your back if you make statements like that. I have a fatwa on my head right now issued by the IMA :p

Sanjay said...

I hear Insurance cos have tied up with Airports for free scans and X-rays for patients. Those with implants and behaviour issues will be privilaged to have even more rigorous testing. For the complete A-Z tests though you will need to travel to Amsterdam preferably seated next to a US Marshall.

PS: My word verification reads amioeba. Is this one of the tests. i dont rem signing up?

Fleiger said...

I have enraged a lot of friends (who are doctors) by now, that I carry a kevlar-lines backpack now. I don't think increasing number of doctors on my back will be a problem, especially since they will have a debate where to start my pre-mortem, giving me enough time to escape.

G said...

"Make a diagonal incision.then click here"
Error 404 page not opening
Announce bad news to relations
For "breaking bad news gently" Click here"


Hoot!

silverine said...

Sanjay: That was hilarious :))

Fleiger: Pre mortem? LOL

G: :))

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

oh ! like that ... :D

Asterix said...

Vasectomy reversal for common cold !!! Jeez i will make sure my nose is ok from now on :-)

Fleiger said...

Yes, what else can we call it?

So, how many tests did you get?

silverine said...

Deepa: Thank you dear :)

Asterix: LOL a cold can be verrry dangerous :p

fleiger: That was a really good term :) I guess I have been through many pre mortems lol

silverine said...

seriously_frivolous:oops missed you out..apologies!!! Yeah I too hope the Med Ins guys and Life Ins guys have a fight...to our benefit :)

neermathalam said...

tats was 222 cooll 404 error at operation table...
hope i m not at the reciving end...
anyway dont say anybody ..
We design gas turbines using google.. he he