Saturday, April 29, 2017

The evolution of the political vermin

The political worm or more popularly known as the political vermin (PV) is an interesting parasite. Among all the parasites out there, this is the only creature that evolves, yet doesn’t evolve. Now that is a contradiction, I agree, but let me explain it to you all by this scientific study that explains this unnatural phenomenon.

The PV Stage 1

PV is a grassroots level worker of some party at this stage.

Villager: Son, I need your help to get my son a seat in college. Please speak to your minister and help me. I earn Rs 1000 per month working as a farm laborer and hope to give my son a better future than mine. *Sob*
PV: Sure, but it will cost you Rs 10,000 uncle, I need to pay the party.
Villager: Sigh… I will make arrangements (sells kidney and gives PV the money who pockets it)
                                                                                
The PV Stage 2

Small land holder in Village (SLH): PV, I need a loan to buy a pump set. Please help me. I barely earn Rs 2000 per month and with a joint family of 10 people, it is getting hard to make ends meet. I do not have the money to buy a bicycle even *breaks down*
PV (who is now a party office bearer): Of course uncle! But I will need at least Rs 20,000 to arrange that. I need to bribe various people no! It is not an easy task you know!
SLH: Sigh…ok! I will borrow from your brother and pay you.
PV: Naice!!

PV pockets the money, of course!

The PV Stage 3

Small Shop Owner in a town near PV’s village (SSO): Respected PV, the Terror Brothers are exhorting money from all of us small shop owners in this area. Please help us. We barely make Rs 10000 per month and most of it goes in rent and buying goods for the shops. *Sobs uncontrollably*
PV: You are in a fix my brother. If you all can arrange Rs 1 lakh, I will take care of this.
SSO: We will try to raise the money Sir, but 1 lakh is too much for people like us who barely earn Rs 5000 per month!
PV: This money is not for me you know. It is to bribe the cops, the local area MLA etc. The Terror Brothers are not people that one lone man can handle. I need institutional support you know!
SSO: We will make arrangements.  :-(
PV: *Calls his henchmen a.k.a the Terror Brothers and tells them to lay off the area for a year* And please vote for me in the upcoming elections. I will make this area goonda free every year!

The PV Stage 4

Road Contractor:  MLA Sir, what do I need to give you for that road contract in the town?
PV: 50%
Road Contractor (spluttering): But, but, but that would leave me with no money to build the road!!!
PV: Why would you want to build a road, duh!!
Contractor (grumbling):  Ok! Ok!
And he goes on to fill potholes on the road to be redone and garnishes the road with some tar and sand. While PV goes on to line his pocket with the money.

The PV Stage 5

Business man: Sir I need a license to set up my 25th factory. Need your help saar.
PV: 25 Crores, I need to pay the CM, the area MLA, MP and other people.
Businessman: Fine! *curses under his breath*
 PV: And make it cash for er...'storability' purposes.

PV's aide then goes onto 'store' the money in gunny bags in the rice godown.

And the last and final stage 6

NGO type: Saar, we are building a much needed bridge in your village. If you could sanction some money like Rs 10,000 we will add another 10,000 which we collected from philanthropists, and the general public and construct the bridge with the help of a local contractor who is offering his service for free. This is a community effort saar. The people on the other side of the river have to travel 20 kilometers to reach the nearest town due to the lack of a bridge in this area.
PV:  Naice!! What noble intentions. I remember my mother swimming this river in spate to the other side to deliver me in the government dispensary *Sniff* I will definitely help.
NGO type: That is such a touching story Saar. We appreciate your help.
PV:  Give me Rs 15000 and the permission is yours.  I need to pay the panchayath and others you know. I will ask some businessman to contribute the money.  You just deliver it for me. This is not for me as usual you know.
NGO type: *rolling their eyes* But of course saar. Thank you.
PV: And do not forget to name the bridge after me. I will inaugurate it. Make sure the press and TV channels are in attendance.
NGO type: But of course saar *sticks tongue out* 

I rest my case.

7 comments:

B Pradeep Nair said...

You have traced so well the growth trajectory of the typical politician. Bane of our democracy, they are one of the reasons for the snail's pace of our nation's progress.

silverine said...

Pradeep Nair: Thank you :) Good to see you. I have always wondered looking at our politicians, whether there is a limit to greed!Apparently not!

SG said...

I came to your blog by chance. I like your writing. I have a different view from what you wrote. Slightly different. You implied the PV was taking all the money to himself/herself. I have a personal incident that the PV got very less money and the rest, actually, distributed to everyone from top to bottom.

I am glad I ran into your blog. This gives me an idea to write another post on this. Thanks.

silverine said...

SG: Thank you for dropping by :) You are right about the money being split and reaching the highest levels. I wrote this blog when I saw for myself the deep seated greed of PV's. Colleagues managing CSR have told me that much more can be done for rural poor but local MLA's will not allow it unless they get money. There is a lot of money meant for welfare work sitting idle because PV's block their usage unless they get a cut.

Anonymous said...

I am so glad to know that you have come back to where you belong- this blog.. Its indeed a long hiatus as I expected to see cobwebs in the corners of this webpage. Also, please dont say that you are married- A virile mallu Turk aka Huga Fan

starscream said...

In these days you are likely to be sued and/or arrested! Either by the politicians for comparing them to vermin( breach of privilege and so on) , or by animal lovers for comparing innocent rodents to our vile politicians! Beware!

EspritNoir said...

Still sharp as a tack, i see:) great!!!