Sunday, February 07, 2010

Tiger love

Alarmed by the rapid decline in the Tiger population in our country, the Indian government decides to send a Minister to China, the largest consumer of Tiger meat. According to reports, not a single part of the Tiger is wasted in China. The Indian Minister (IM) and his Aide are given a warm welcome in China and the Chinese Premier (CP) meets him in his office the next day.

CP (bowing): Welcome to the most glorious, democratic, progressive, shining and the most rapidly developing country in the world.
IM: Thank you for the lengthy err warm welcome Premier. I am delighted to be in your beautiful country and honored by your graciousness to give me an audience.
CP (bowing again): Thank you! We will start our meeting with some Chinese delicacies. I hope you like it.
IM: Chinese cuisine is our national cuisine heh heh.
CP: Then you will like this special soup.
IM: What soup is this?
CP (beaming): Tigers tail soup!
IM: What!!!! Err I mean thank you. It is err delicious ewww.
CP (proudly): I knew you will like it. And now tell me honorable minster, what brings you to our happy country.
IM: Well… it’s like this. As you may know the Tiger is our national animal…
CP: But of course. We love the Indian Tiger.
IM (hopefully): You do?? That’s a relief to hear. I am here to discuss about the Tiger.
CP (holding his palm up). Wait, first you must taste this signature dish. It was made in memory of the late revolutionary Pin Wung Wao.
IM (nervously) : I am afraid to ask what it is.
CP: Tiger rib stir fry!!! C’mon try it!!
IM (mournfully): Well I might as well try it…Sigh.
CP: You were saying something about the Tiger.
IM (brightening up): Yes! We Indians love our national animal and now want to do something concrete for its welfare.
CP: That is nice. We in China welcome such a move.
IM: You do? That is very heartening news indeed!!
CP: We Chinese men get our ahem “drive” from Tiger testicle soup you know *wink* *wink*
IP: Heh heh I know. *sob*
CP: We would hate to lose that hahahahaha!
IM(desperately): I need some water.
CP: No no no!!! That will spoil your appetite!
IM: For what? Wait, why am I asking this question. :(
CP: For Tiger Manchurian in hot garlic sauce!!
IM: *sob* Is there anything else for Lunch?
CP: Of course. There is Tiger head schezwan, Tiger belly Cantonese, Tiger lung wung pao, Tiger neck stew and……
IM (looking green): I am not feeling too well….
CP: ...and Tiger paw fried, Hunan style.
IM (fainting): *swoon* *thud*
CP : Get some Chinese smelling salts quick!
Aide (sarcastically): Thank god you people spare the Tiger’s feces.
CP (proudly): We use it too! It is called Chinese Smelling Salts.
IM (sitting up bolt upright): I am suddenly feeling better. I think I need to lie down…in my bed at home in New Delhi.
CP: Wait!!
IM (wild eyed): Now what!!
CP (smiling gently): You cannot leave without a souvenir!!!
IM (miserably): I will not ask what it is.
CP: We have a Tiger nail locket and a Tiger Skin coat made especially for you.
IM: I shall not faint. I shall not faint. I shall not faint.
Aide: You better not! *snicker*
IM (faintly): Thank you Premier. This has been a most fruitful discussion. Bye!

According to a Press Release by the Foreign Ministry, the talks failed due to "miss-communication". The next round of talks will be held in Chinese.

Have a nice week folks! An enjoy da music - Fireflies

23 comments:

Mind Curry said...

i know the solution..export the Tiger glucose biscuits to China :)
nice read..but serious topic huh? cant believe there are only some 1411 tigers left. but i can quite easily picture human beings who dont think twice to attack fellow human beings, being so cruel to animals.

Quest said...

Tiger changes IM to IP? :D
What about tiger whiskers? ;)

The Blue Indian said...

Now we know why they made that movie titled "Crouching Tigers (eaten by) Hidden Dragons!"

$$ said...

Oh! Out of the world! Hilarious...!!! :)

Grayquill said...

I figure are a secret agent pretending to be the aide - I suggest you sell your story to some animal rights group and let them send you throughout the USA speaking to animal rights groups. When the tour brings you to Seattle, which for sure it will, I will buy you a Dick's Drive-In hamburger and fries - Guaranteed no tiger meat.

Santhosh P said...

I was expecting a conservationist post from you ever since that obviously beseeching feline appeared on your home page. I do support you on the urgency of more action towards tiger protection than printing T-shirts, but I don’t support you in pointing finger at China, such propaganda will only help worsen the relationship between India and China which is already fragile because we don’t understand each others English. We need more ground level action here, a good starting point could be to ban all products that directly or indirectly cause human abhorrence towards this magnificent creature such as – LTTE, The Sena etc, at same time promote brands that are procreationist such as Tiger beer and Tiger Woods

Anonymous said...

LOL!! Nice post

Loved the song at the end too, you should share your song collection here with us.

scorpiogenius said...

Incredible, the consistency in which you manage to churn out one smart post after another on current topics!

This one is the best the recent past. Hilarious... :applause:

Nona said...

Well, IM tried. :)

And did CP mention democracy while welcoming IM?

Destiny's child... said...

That was hilarious :D
But the current situation is not, right? Just can't believe there are only a few thousand tigers left in the world. :(

anishthomas said...

Ohh yuck...I won't eat tiger here after

Captain Haddock said...

I too shall not faint

ps: Does that really works ? that Tiger soup ?(well....not that tail soup, the other one...)

Anonymous said...

Monday morning, coffee and a silverine post, set for the week. Raising my cuppa to you from a cold wintry morning day in the US. :-)

Aniket said...

lol @ The blue Indian.

Whatever tigers are left are being forced to retire by the BCCI officials. Wait I think I drifted from the topic, bah, nevermind...

P.E.T.A needs to be blamed for this too. I mean they have the stupidest policy. "Stop hunting animals or we'll keep showing you pictures of semi nude gorgeous hot women" Yeah, right. THAT would stop them from hunting!

Arjun said...

In the Chinese year of the tiger, there are only 50 tigers running free in the damn country. What a shame!

Arun said...

Let's wait patiently for the next round. Chinese proverb for you, Anjo Lee:
Man Who Want Pretty Nurse Must Be Patient.

Good one, Blue Indian.

hammy said...

@mind curry: LOL on the tiger biscuits idea.

People are passionate about the tiger crusade. While I always feel that human life takes priority, I accept that we need to control illegal poaching. I doubt if we'll have any success negotiating tiger rights with the Chinese, though.

They have human rights issues, and those have to take precedence, methinks. Only fair.

I saw one enthusiastic poster ostensibly supporting the tigers. It said 'Shave the tigers'... Looking back, that may be a brilliant suggestion, you know... Shave them. I bet that will cut off the demand for fur. At the same time, it will give employment to circus trainers and daredevil barbers (they ARE a dying breed, aren't they?)

mythalez said...

hehe, the comments are as hilarious as the post :D

btw, i don't think Chinese have any 'manchurian' dishes in China :P

hope and love said...

nice post..

Sher Khan - Leader of Tigers said...

*roar*

Dr. Dolittle said...

Seriously, Tigers must be saved!! and many other extinguishing animals too....

P.S. - the above roar meant "nice"

silverine said...

Thank you dear friends for your comments! :) Apologies for not replying individually!

Akshaya said...

gud one ...