Monday, October 13, 2008

Road pests!

There is a species of people on Bengaluru roads that requires me to immediately buy an AK 47 or Kalashnikov and or a hand held rocket launcher!! And if I cannot procure the aforementioned weaponry then I am gonna settle for my mother’s Vakkathi *!! I am that pissed off!!

And if I cannot get a Vakkathi then I might in desperation have to take my eyebrow tweezers to poke these people in the eye!!!

Now if you are rolling your eyes wondering why I am frothing in the mouth on a foul Monday morning then hear me out. There is this species of homo sapiens in Bengaluru who consider themselves the self appointed guardians of bike headlights! They live and breathe bike headlights and they get pained to see one burning during daytime. Their aim in life is to spot a burning headlight and inform the rider no matter what the circumstance. If they were to spot a Formula One car with its headlights on, they would jump into the race track risking their life and limbs to inform the driver. I guess they were born that way.

Mother (to her six month old baby): Say “mama” sweetheart! There’s a good boy!
Baby: Your bike headlight is on!
Mother: Sigh!

Now you see what I am up against?

Let me describe this species for you. They are mostly pedestrians and come in all age group, sizes gender and ethnicity. While their intentions are good their mode of communication is rather dramatic and its after effects catastrophic!

The moment these people spot a burning headlight they go stiff, their hair stands on one end, eyes pop out of the socket and they get that horrified look on their faces as though they are witnessing an alien baby bursting out of your stomach! And thats not all! They will then lift a quivering finger and point to you gesticulating wildly with the other hand making you lose control of the bike in absolute fright! And if you don’t get a heart attack looking at them, you will definitely come under a BMTC bus, lorry, army truck or Hoysala! And if you are lucky and escape coming under the aforementioned vehicles then you jam your brakes in fright so hard, that the resultant traffic pile up has a cascading effect till the new Bangalore Airport!!

It doesn’t matter to our guardian angels that you almost lost your life and limb because of their concern for the headlight. As far as they are concerned...BIKE HEADLIGHTS SHOULD NOT BE ON DURING DAYTIME!!!

Now if you see a girl in a black Honda Activa with a big knife jutting out of her hand bag, stay clear. And if you want her to continue blogging, please depose on her behalf in court. They don’t provide Internet connection in jail, especially for prisoners on death row I heard.

*really big knife!

39 comments:

nitin said...

nice one

Ashish Gupta said...

You started off with "no matter what the circumstances" but didn't delve into why would you leave light on in daytime? And if you lose your control when someone waives a finger, then could there something wrong with your driving ;p

Yeah, I am sure by now I am on top of your hitlist :)

Wolfman said...

Hehehe......Really cool...sometimes somepeople use their hands and try to communicate using the most funny sign language.....But on a serious note personally i dont have a prob with head light but some people just are too stupid to turn their indicator off after turnin even though their vehicle is endowed with a loud beeper good enuf to wake up my dead deaf grandad.....U are left to woner when are they gonna turn..or are they goin to turn ?????

mathew said...

LOL!!
But their intentions are noble..only Indians would do that for others..I find it a very indian trait to help others..


And after all day time 'headlight ON' condition is a privlege of politicans and to a lesser extend ambulances and fire engines..You dont dare use it!!;-D

Pramod Abraham said...

BTW this Vakkathi is similar to Thirupachi Aruval or like the Vetukathi that the coconut seller use?

--xh-- said...

itz not only bangalure, but @ al the places... whenw e ride in a group, we keep the headlights on, and 8 out of 10 guys we see on road will be gesturing us about the light... sigh!

Al Gore said...

Stupid lady, do you realize how much power you're wasting by the unwanted headlights during daytime. And when my comrades help you, you lambaste them. Bloody wasters!

sandeep said...

i always hated girls riding black honda activas who'd lose their balance when somebody waves their hands to indicate a burning headlight or an unfolded stand! there was one i remember, who gave me a stare for reminding her that the stand is on ... only to skid and fall down at the next turn!

isnt it annoying to ride in day time (unless its foggy/misty) with head lights on? i guess its as bad as unnecessary honking

silverine said...

nitin: Thank you! :)

Ashish: You are clairvoyant!!! How else would you know that you top my hit list now! :p

Wolfman: lol! People forgetting to turn the indicator off are indeed irritating! :)

Mathew: There are people who manage to convey that without the melodrama! :) The gimmicks scares you specially when they do it suddenly! Reg headlights, this happens when I take the bike out in the night and forget to switch it off! :)

Pramod: I have no idea! I used the term used in my native place! :)

--xh--: Feels good to know that there are fellow sufferers! :)

Al Gore: LOL!! Yes sir! I will remember Sir! Thank you for enlightening me Sir!!! :|

Sandeep: I am eternally grateful for people who point out that the bike stand is down! I do it all the time. But the people who act like their is a snake on your shoulder when thy spot the headlight scare me! :) And reg that girl she must have mistook your gesture for something else. Happens! :)

Vivek Menon said...

It's a good practice to drive with headlights on during daytime in this part of the world....!!! Also (just for horror) most of the latest car ads mention that thay come with day-time running lights (DRL)...http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daytime_running_lamp

Jane said...

I don't know about Bangalore, but if it was in Kerala, especially Kochi, then I assure you that the headlight was left on during daytime deliberately. Otherwise we won't be able to see the depth of the pothole u know ;)

Sriram said...

Mother (to her six month old baby): Say “mama” sweetheart! There’s a good boy!
Baby: Your bike headlight is on!
Mother: Sigh!

ROFL!! Gawwd, your conversation-bits are so awessumm!
(Btw, people here dont point.. they make a hand-gesture like they are repeatedly pressing an imaginary b**b, to show that the vehicle's HL is on? ;)

Oh, and hope you dont adopt this attitude to the kind souls who point out that your side-stand is not kicked back... once I almost would have had such an accident.. would've fallen right off had it not been for a man who pointed it out for me!

silverine said...

Sriram: Thank you kind Sir! I didn't want to mention that gesture. But now that you mentioned it, it happens in Blr too!! :p

silverine said...

Vivek: Interesting!

Jane: LOL!! I get the point gal!! Good one!!

Philip said...

A simple thank you would have sufficed. You needn't have spent such precious energy extolling the virtues of my brethren.

btw, threatening us with vaakathi prayogam is not going to deter us from continuing our mission of eliminating all careless drivers.

Rajesh Mohan said...

LOL!!!.. great post..

... and if at all you switch off the light, you should see that sense of achievement on their faces....

scorpiogenius said...

good one!

so i'll watch out for the black Honda Activa and the angry young lady on it...:))...

Praveen said...

I still haven't come across these kinda guys while riding here in Bangalore. But back home in tvm, I had similar experiences;)
they are as if I took the current to burn that headlamp from their generator:P

ritu.. said...

hi... nice post...but leaving headlights on ??? why dear:)

Anonymous Coward said...

Heya Anju, you have mean commenting folks here, so I won't declare my everlasting devotion again. :(

Your AK-47 references remind me of Olin Shivers' acknowledgment page in the scsh reference manual .

:)

Iya said...

u really are that irritated??

i dont buy ur point but the read was hilarious... now to incite another post me too will watch out for a lady on black activa..lol...

Browser said...

If I know Mallu mothers, you have a better chance of getting the AK47 than your mother's knife :-). I'm sure she would gladly trade in her first born for it....

Abraham Menacherry said...

Hmm... guilty your honor.. I am one of the said "gesticulators" but I must add, not so dramatically...:D

I get dramatic when I see side stands jutting out. That is really dangerous and the rider will know only when taking a turn.

kumar said...

It shows how much we indians are concerned about global warming...what about the pillion riders with their duppatas hanging close to the wheels..encountered any?

hammy said...

Tut tut, Anjs.

Now you're going too far. Attacking selfless good Samaritans who are only looking to protecting YOUR property for YOU. And they don't even ask for anything in return, do they?

I guess it's all because you don't realize how serious keeping your headlights on can be.

If everybody keeps their headlights on during the daytime, we can expect a citywide spread of CFC.

There could be a crack in the ozone, which could further produce skin cancer for thousands, and let's say some dedicated doctors and farmers are afflicted with skin cancer... that could mean that hundreds of thousands could be denied health-care and food...

More CFCs would be released which in turn could trigger a heat wave, which could further melt the polar ice caps, not to mention the ice cubes in your freezer. This could drown millions... (the polar ice caps, not your ice cubes)

And do you think it could be contained easily? Oh no. It will spread like crazy, and we could ultimately be looking at a complete extinction of our specie altogether.

Now that you see the big picture, don't you think they are justified in yelping like mad pigs when they see headlights blazing at 9:30 a.m.?

Which Main? What Cross? said...

LOL!

silverine said...

Philip: Ah! So I meet one of thine ilk face to face at last. Nice to meet you. We will all miss you I am sure! :|
:)

Rajesh: Thank you! :) You are absolutely right about the sense of achievement on the face!

Scorpiogenuis: Thank you! :p

Praveen: I guess this is due to the habit inculcated in us to switch off lights behind us! :)

Ritu: Lazy drivers like us forget to switch off lights thats why! :p

Anon Coward: lol!! For what its worth I guess I shouldn't have allowed that counter comment. Didn't quite understand it actually. So I let it be :) Thanks for the link. Was a real good read!

Iya: :)

Browser: LOL!!! You are ek dum correct!

Abraham: You get people who tell you without the drama. Thats tolerable and welcome. Its the jumpy kind that scares me! :) And please do tell people about the stand. That is dangerous...and I do it sometime! :p

Kumar: Dupatta? Guilty as charged! :p

Hammy: Yelping like and pigs! LOL!! Now after your defense I appreciate their point of view too! Thank you! I shall be quick when beheading them! :|

Which Main? What Cross?: Thanks for dropping by :)

cain l337pwn3r said...

that bad eh??...

rm said...

That's some freakishly impressive recall you have there ... I'm goggling here, and seriously considering calling you Miss Philip from now on.

Which means, no more coconut bikini references ... oh bummer, couldn't you have just let me get away with thinking I was being all obscure and mysterious.

~Anonymous Coward

Cris said...

LOL! Make sure you take your vakathi out before you hang your bag onto yourself.

Hari said...

It's the age of global warming and the world is enviornmentally conscious! A few watt hours of energy saved by switching off your activa-headlight could go a long way in changing the face of the world after all the impending catastrophe! ;-)

As always, I fawn before thee!! :)

silverine said...

Cain: Yeah! That bad!!

RM: :)

Cris: I am planning on making a special holder for it! :p

Hari: Very true! Whats a few lives compared to a few watts yeah? :|
:)

Phoenix: ;)

you prat ! said...

lol..new breed you've identified and classified..

"silverine
Absolut Bangalorean!"

... and how nice is it to see that! me too, btw. I've even bought a tantra t which says that :P roamed around angrezland wearing it too. then thought better not, cos i might come across somebody with a 'Bangalored' t ! :D

Sense said...

LOL. sadly, here they just make a crime to drive with the headlights on during the day (they'll make up some crazy shite about endangering the public by blinding them with beams of intense light). So unless you want to start budgeting for tickets on your monthly expenses, you behave.
Ah, we long for the days of utter lawlessness!

Alameen said...

but, don't they deserve an appreciation for letting you know..

You didnt write more about the occasions which are not appropriate..

-Peru velippeduthanagrahikkatha AlAmeen :)

confucius said...

Thats a nice observation...I used to encounter these a lot..ppl will some gesture with their hands ... Our first reaction on seeing that will be " My god..Have I lost my tyres...".I used to panic when ppl do this.
In Kerala...have you noticed that drivers show some other gesture to indicate that there is Police checking somewhere ahead in the road. That used to be quite helpful...saved me from a lotta troubles when I was riding my bike without a license.

Anonymous said...

BTW, it was helpful to me couple of time when i forgot to switch off head light. Why you are taking it so much personal ? Is it the gutser what they make agitates you ? It means only headlight nothing else which matters you..:)

monu joy said...

Hmmm...if people over react it is a problem...even i have got weird looks from girls when i open and close my palm with pointed fingers so that they 'blink' and convey the message...but i learned pretty fast and dont point out switched on head lights to women riders anymore...only to the older janta who give a smile and switch it off...

Nisha said...

Did you know, it is a rule in Singapore that all two wheelers should have their headlights on day and night?