Sunday, June 29, 2008

A birth-right with no takers

Foxy was sitting alone, as usual, having lunch, which was unusual! He seemed engrossed in some complex algorithms. Perhaps the project he was working on would conjure up computers from thin air, like in those movies, where an image of a monitor seems to hang in air and people actually touch and work on it! I took my lunch and shamelessly plonked myself on his table. Sitting with Foxy has many advantages. No one approaches you with a "Would you able to do a tech event for me in two hours in Timbuktoo? Oh you are having lunch!! I am so sorry! But will you be able to do it?" kinda conversations! The lunch will go on peacefully with not a word uttered, and people will avoid your table like the plague.

Ramesh: Hey Foxy! How are you man!!
Foxy (absent mindedly): Alive!
Ramesh: Heh heh aren’t we all. Aur batha. What’s happening in your life!
Foxy (staring into the distance): Nothing!
Ramesh: No news is good news yeah?! And the love life!! *wink* *wink*
Foxy (picking up the dessert): I bought a new car!
Ramesh: Chalo you have lunch. I will go and bang my head against the wall over there.
Foxy ( in deep thought): mmm bye!

Ramesh is pretty new you see or he would have avoided our table like the plague.

Foxy and I ate in silence. He, deep in thought and unaware of my presence. Me, shamelessly using him to have a quite lunch…like many others before me, who were not as quick as me today to sit at his table ahead of them. Jealous glances darted my way! There are quite a few people here you see who want to be left in peace during lunch.

Foxy forked the food into his mouth mechanically, his mind far away. He was probably thinking "On dividing both sides of equation (1) by cos2 A, we obtain tan2 A + 1 = 1 / cos2 A = sec2 A. Equation (2) is proved." I was thinking, “if I break this awful chapathi into small pieces and wash it down with water, would my misery be cut short by say, 25 seconds?!" Foxy's eyes glazed over, he had left the physical world and was now living only in the mind. He was probably calculating "On dividing both sides of equation (1) by sin2 A,we obtain 1 + cot2 A = 1/sin2 A = cosec2 A. Equation (3) is proved" While I was wondering “if I coat the entire contents on my plate with pickle, would it make easier to gobble it down hastily?”

Then I made a mistake! A lapse in concentration actually, as it was getting too difficult to concentrate on the uncooked rice, watery dal, and rubbery veggies and over spiced chicken curry!

Me: Foxy! I think you guys are really lucky, that you do not have to go through pregnancy and childbirth!
Foxy: Duh! Huh!
Me: Look at Anita there. Poor thing can hardly walk with that stomach. Jiten on the other hand looks trim as ever. No inkling that his wife is pregnant! This is so unfair!
Foxy (addressing the wall): hmmm but then men miss out on the whole birthing process you know! It is a big loss!
Me: You mean, they actually regret not having to go through the whole messy process!!!
Foxy (addressing the plate): Yes! They too feel robbed you know!
Me: Wow! I never thought of it that way!
Foxy (addressing a piece of cauliflower on his fork): It is unfair actually!
Me: Yep!
Foxy (cleaning up the table around his plate with a tissue): On the men, I mean!
Me: Oh!
Foxy (still cleaning): They say that they feel like they have no say in the matter after the conception!
Me: hmm you mean they feel used?
Foxy (eyes wide open and fixed at me): err no!! I mean NO!!!! For gods sake where do you get such ideas from!!!
Me: :(
Foxy: Sigh...sorry for snapping like that. But your imagination is too much for me. Wish I had some of that. Right now I could really use some. I am at a dead end!
Me: Ah! That explains the forking of food in your mouth mechanically. Usually you ignore it.

Foxy got up and walked off with the plate. I picked up his mobile, car keys, wallet, PDA, Laptop, Pen, Pencils, Zune and some other stuff and followed him. After depositing his plate at the sink he went over to the coffee machine for some coffee. I did the same, intrigued at what he had told me. By the time I reached the vending machine, Foxy had already started walking back to his workstation. Now Foxy is 6 feet 2 inches tall. This means he was at his work station in two and half steps. I reached 15 minutes later, huffing and puffing with the load I was carrying plus the notebook, calculator, scale, a book on “Active Reviews for Intermediate Design” and some other stuff he had left near the vending machine.

Foxy was at his desk, looking around with a puzzled look. His mobile, car keys, wallet, PDA, Laptop, Pen, Pencils, Zune, notebook, calculator, scale a book on “Active Reviews for Intermediate Design” and some other stuff were missing. I put the stuff on his table, sat down next to him, unlocked my laptop and maximized Internet Explorer. It was at Page 234 of Telugu Matrimonial, just the way I had left it before going for lunch. There was a particularly cute girl I wanted to show Foxy.

Me: Look, this girl is cute isn’t she? She is highly qualified and a Brahmin too!!!
Foxy: Interesting.
Me: Really? You like her!!!! *whew* finally we are making some progress!!
Foxy: hmm interesting to see a site that handles credit cards and financial transactions running on .php instead of ASP! I would have nothing to do with this site if I were you!
Me: %#$@# !!!
Foxy: Did you say something?
Me: Do you know Telugu Matrimony gets the maximum number of hits from our office???
Foxy: Huh!
Me: That’s how hard we are all working for you for gods sake!!!! And you are looking at the technical configuration of the site instead of the girls!!!
Foxy: Ooops!
Me: Sigh…anyways, so you were telling me that men miss the whole pregnancy and childbirth process?
Foxy: Yes they do I am told. When their wife is in labor, they too hurt….on the inside *pointing to his stomach*
Me: Does that mean they would, if given a chance go through pregnancy and childbirth!
Foxy: Of course!! I would and I am sure my entire married friends too!!
Me: Wow! Well there is good news for you all then! Pun intended heh heh
Foxy: What is a pun?
Me: Never mind. What I was going to say is that, a doctor in the US has created an artificial womb that can sustain pregnancy in men to full term. This will enable fathers to experience the whole childbirth process!! Isn’t that good news for you all guys!!!!!
Foxy: *gulp*
Me: In fact in the US and increasingly in the Europe, pre marital agreements spell out the number of pregnancies the wife will go through and vice versa!!!
Foxy: *double gulp*
Me: Now Indian men too, can show their wives how much they love them by getting pregnant though the birth will be cesarean of course.
Foxy (going white in the face): Where did you read all this?
Me: The…
Foxy (interrupting): Excuse me, but I have to go now!
Me (completing the sentence): …Onion!

But Foxy was gone, headed towards the Boss’s cabin.Ten minute later, my boss came running. He looked very excited!

Boss: Silverine, what did you do to that thing, err guy???
Me: err nothing!
Boss: Something you said animated it err I mean him!!
Me: What do you mean?
Boss: I have worked with it ahem I mean him, for over 15 years now. I have never seen him happy, or sad or angry. He has never taken a days leave! In fact he will work 24/7/365 if we did not kick him out of office at 6 pm.
Me: So?
Boss: He has just taken half day leave…says he is feeling sick and giddy and needs to lie down!!!
Me: Really! *GRIN*
Boss: This feels so good!! Thank you!
Me: The pleasure, I assure you is all mine! *Evil Smile*

24 comments:

Philip said...

Why do you call such a nice guy (or gal?) foxy?
BTW, don't scare the shit out of guys by giving news like this. No wonder foxy had to take a sicko.

Janus said...

hahaha I can barely imagine the look on the poor guy's face when you came up with that one !

Hari Shanker said...

LOLs!! I pity poor Foxy... The dude actually needs quite a lot of therapy, not to mention a life!
"hmm interesting to see a site that handles credit cards and financial transactions running on .php instead of ASP! I would have nothing to do with this site if I were you!"
But that's the bloody limit!! :-o

Vivek Menon said...

Talking about Foxy's comment: "Foxy: hmm interesting to see a site that handles credit cards and financial transactions running on .php instead of ASP! " My (font-obsessed Comp. Sci) roomie's comment after viewing a Matrimony website: " Look at the font selection. How do they expect people to look at girls, when everything is written using sloppy fonts?" Deja-vu..!!!

Macadamia The Nut said...

Rotfl!!!! It.. I mean.. HE sounds like a riot to have around ;)
And you lady, wanna come over so that we can hang out and shake things up with dead pan faces?
Sigh...

“if I break this awful chapathi into small pieces and wash it down with water, would my misery be cut short by say, 25 seconds?!"
LOL!! Pretty much what runs on in my mind 24/7.. Err, wait.. that's not funny now that I think of it :(

| Balu | said...

LOL I can't really blame him for being a bit too technical as I am also supposed to be one such nincompoop!
With regards to newspapers of course!! =P

mathew said...

My birthday song for him would be "Foxy Lady" by Jimi Hendrix...Is it a strange coincidence there with the song name1!;-D

as always your sunday post doesnt disappoint me!!:-)

silverine said...

Philip: He is indeed a good guy!! :) I have given the explanation reg the origin of his name in the last post about him!

janus: ha ha it was a look of pure terror! :p

hari: He needs a life alright!! :)

Vivek: Deja-vu indeed!!!

Macademia: Wait till I write about the other namoonas in the office! :p

Balu: :)

Mathew: Thank you Birthday Boy! :) I will tell him that, though he may wonder if Jimi Hendrix was someting edible! :p

Nandya said...

your posts amuse me :)

Sriram said...

“Active Reviews for Intermediate Design”.. I wonder what the hell it means... reminds me of a full-page newspaper ad, of a construction company. It included a bold, bulleted listing of their 'revolutionary' features and techniques.. And the top feature read: "Vertically integrated Project Implementation". I could make no sense of that one. I guess it just meant --> "We build our buildings vertically"

;) What else?

Amey said...

You broke Foxy :O
Not good at all...

sandeep said...

Its not fair terrorizing a poor soul like it ... oops him. Looks like its a bad thing to be techincally good :(

btw ... A = 45 degress

sandeep said...

Oops ... see this is what fonts can do. '2' shud have been a superscript ...

scorpiogenius said...

errr...and did somebody really invent this..er..womb gadget?;))

thats a scary idea...and a scarier arrangement of sharing the conception and delivery..GULP..GULP..

Praveen said...

hilarious...
foxy reminds me of some of those high class nerds who bored me to death in school...:P
but, sometimes they can amuse u like hell...like what happnd heree

Ms Cris said...

LOL! Hilarious! Loved "the thing" speeches from the boss :D
You have a thing with humour (no pun intended)!

hammy said...

Hey, I used to read the Onion back when they had their archives available for free reading. Now they charge for it, why the little *$^&4r.

Hey, how did that '4r' get up there?

Well, anyway... you seem to be hell bent on outfoxing Foxy, which doesn't seem too hard a task in the first place, unless it involves creating EPL charts to convert ASP files into quasi-NLE workflow statements.

And all I have to say is this - "Tsk tsk tsk..." You seem to be forgetting the old adage - 'The geek shall inherit the earth' When Foxies of the world unites in their stand, then they will snatch everything!

Women's 'right' to birth-pains shall, however, probably remain unsnatched.

~==[[[ Abhi ]]]==~ said...

I just wish if somebody gave Foxy the link to ur blog and then i would like to see what kind of equations go through his mind, before he decides to knock u down with a punch or kick u down with his feet. Paavathine veruthe viddille? If this goes on at this rate, he'll soon find a gal with sympathies for his wretched life!

Anonymous said...

I can sense a lot of affection for Foxy behind this post! He is a darling innit!! :-)

Ruprith Bindra

usha said...

-'what did you do to that thing, err guy???'

lolz! i luvd that 'it-him' part the most! :D

Manasa said...

lol... poor chap!

Safari Al said...

And where is my comment?

mathew said...

Happy 85th birthday Anjukutty....The new dentures are coming soon!!;-D

--xh-- said...

ROTFL... that was too good - foxy's answer - "Foxy: hmm interesting ...if I were you!"
that was classic humor... :)