Tuesday, October 10, 2006

The search ends here...but why?

All you dumb stupid irritating people searching for stuff on the Internet, please leave my innocent, pure as driven snow blog alone. Haven’t you discovered by now that my blog does not have what you are looking for? Then why oh why do you come here for the 465th time looking for Chicken Tikka Dry? And *groan* don’t you know by now that I don’t have Airtel Recharge hacker codes, or I would be an Airtel Subscriber in sickness and health, good times and bad times till death do us part?

Since you people keep knocking on my door despite my reputation as a nice gal, I have decided to dedicate one post to all you special people, wherein I will clarify all your doubts once and for all, so that you will stop showing your ugly mugs on my Statcounter.

So listen to me carefully all you people searching for the following…I shall say this only once.

1.Livocitrizine: Take your area phone directory, the thicker the better and hit yourself really hard on the head with it. If you are still alive cos you cheated and didn’t hit yourself really really hard then open the directory, go to the Pharmacy section and take down the names of f$%#&g pharmacies in your area., open the door, use hammer if necessary, walk out of the door, go to the pharmacy and buy the f$%#^&*g Livocitrizine and then LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!! Ok??????

2.Achappam: arey tere ghar mein maa behen biwi aur naukrani nahin hai kya ki mere blog par achappam khaane aatha hai? Ullu ka patta!! ( please read disclaimer about my Hindi here)


3.Mallu aunties: I swear on all things sacred to me like my IPod, Lappie and Revlon Super Lustrous Lipstick, Shade Name: Teak Rose #78, that there are no mallu aunties here…only a mallu gal, who is an aunty to several bachcha log in the family. p.s I never tell lies when I swear on my IPod and lappie and Revlon Super Lustrous Lipstick, Shade Name: Teak Rose #78 ( at least till this shade is the rage of the season)

4.Dhanush bangalore restaurant: heh heh I know a Dhanush, but didn’t know he ran a restaurant!
[tch tch Dhanush, you could have told me. I didn’t have to find out this way!!! It’s not like I would have freeloaded off you *sniff* I am heart broken and only 20 Butter Naan with 8 plates Chicken Tikka dry from your restaurant will mend it :( ]

5.Mallu Masala: My Amma says that there is no such thing as mallu masala. Of course I asked her dumbo, who else would you think I will ask? Google?

6.Mind Curry: Sounds delicious, is it the same as Bheja Dry Fry? You can get the recipe here and if that doesn’t work I can loan you my mom. She knows 5765598 ways of frying my bheja.

7.Jiby stopped blogging: nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin!!!! err...I mean as far as I know he hasn't!

8.Silverine, Bangalore, Communications: Home run!!!!! *Clap* *Clap*
Now do me a favor dear and bookmark me ok?

9.husband crossdressing sarees photos: I swear on all things sacred to me like my IPod, Lappie and Revlon Super Lustrous Frost Lipstick, Shade Name: GoldPearl Plum - 1 Ea ( the color of the season just changed), that there are no husband crossdressing sarees photos here.

10.Pennu Kaanal ritual (Bride Seeing): I am afraid some of my services are prepaid. Please send a cheque of Rs 5000/- wonly to avail of this service. Satisfaction guaranteed or your search string will be returned back to you.

Thank you, god bless you and the search engines and I pray that you find what you are looking for and leave me angelic blog alone!!

51 comments:

spidey said...

er, to be honest, i do come to your blog mostly to search out some of your favourite blogs e.g mindcurry, jiby, drpissed etc.... please excuse!

iyer education said...

but u told us that you find such things hilarious... now why are you scaring your readers away... and yes... before you ask... i am the guilty one who wanted to know about

mallu aunties who make achappams stuffed with mallu masala and served with mind curry very similar to the ones made in dhanush restaurant bangalore served by crossdressed husbands in sarees at the famous silverine bangalore communications blog and have Livocitrizine in case of gastric problems

phew... even google should pay me for such a HUGE search string :P

Ganesh Ranganathan said...

Man, nobody comes to my blog through such 'interesting' search strings....

Your search strings are really hillarious :-d

Fleiger said...

My first reaction was to duck behind a solid wall, when I read that Silverine is angry. Now that I know the anger is not directed at me (phew), I am back reading the post...

And I can only say at this point (like the charming, dazzling, cute etc etc. mutual acquint of ours) is, I am so jealous that you get such weird search strings on your blog :(

Oh, and why are so many people searching for mallu aunties? Do you have any demographics as to how many mallu aunties get lost every year? That should be a serious concern for our government I guess, given the frequency of search.

LI said...

OOpz , This is known as google whacking . It is the moment of truth that every blogger`faces when they see how people reaches the blog . :). Well , think you have omitted some usual mallu search terms that evry mallu blogger gets :)

silverine said...

spidey: You are excused :)

iyer education: Plij to note first para, I am talking of people coming repeatedly on the same search :)
And you search string was hilarious, I am sure the Google guys must be clutching their tummies laughing :p

ganesh and Lijo: These are the constants..they keep coming here on the same search :)

fleiger: I think lots of mallu aunties are missing :( This is a national emergency!!! Where have they all gone? hmm mebe I will write a whodunit on "the case of the missing mallu aunties"!!
:p

iyer education said...

my attention span is very short... so by the time i reached the last para i missed out on the first one...

then shall i ctrl+C and ctrl+V this post to tall the people who come looking for wet sarees and iyer jokes on my blog ;)

Maverick said...

hmmm these search strings also take me here...
out u go from my bookmark
if u want to reclaim ur place - one plate of chicken tikka dry with and lil mind curry gravy ;) heheh.....

Sanjay said...

Infiedels!!! how dare they. Set the dog on them.... on 2nd thoughts dont.

Perhaps you could learn from the virtual parking space that I occupy. I think I hold the guiness book record for no hits / not turning up on search engines for the max amount of time. Lets pray it stays that way.

Kusum said...

What is about these mallu aunty log re? I too get People looking for Mallu aunties, Kerala sexy ladies, yeah this time when he came back he has learnt the spelling though the grammar still remains bad :D

Safari Al said...

marry me please....

Safari Al said...

and i will not even ask for pennu kaanal...

Dev said...

Ah, at last I've something in common with the great silverine. :D Mallu aunties have landed up at my blog too... which is actually a 'serious lesb site' as well.

Tsk tsk, the things us bloggers do for hots... er, um i mean hits.

Thanu said...

mallu masala... what does that even mean?

Fleiger said...

Of course, you should write that... I mean, so many mallu aunties missing, (and nobody searching for mallu girls) bodes pretty bad for the mallu populace, right?

And given by my site's search strings, the issue has now spread over to bengal too...

Alexis said...

This was fun. Your last search post also had 'mallu aunties'. Something fishy?

Yes Dhanush should give all of us a treat. Opening a restaurant without telling us. And he claims that he is riding bikes during his free time. May be it is home delivery :-)

Mind Curry is same as Bheja Dry Fry...ROFL. I think you should add a lot of mallu masala to the recipe to get the real taste. MC brother, I feel very sorry for you :-)

husband crossdressing sarees - Is this another requirement like the living in experience?

I think you can make this a regular feature. Say once in a month. Brilliant...

b v n said...

LOL..."Mind Curry: Sounds delicious, is it the same as Bheja Dry Fry?" - you are on a roll :))))now taht i've got the keywords - let me go become popular - thank you silver :))

silverine said...

iyer education: Go ahead but give it the Iyerospace flair :))

maverick: One plate of chicken tikka dry with and lil mind curry gravy coming right up Sir!!! Anything else Sir? :))

Sanjay: lol your comments are so funny :))

kusum: Mebe we should start a spelling service for these poor folks :p

Safari Al: You are such a sweetheart!! :) Let me enjoy my singlehood da, you do the same :P

dev: LOL

thanu: I still don't know! :)

fleiger: Bengal too?

Alexis: Thank you :) These are the regulars actually!

bvn: You could incorporate these words in your future posts, then just sit back for the weirdos to come loping to your blog :)

Lalit Singh said...

hahahaha
arrey good for you ... people dont come to your blog searching for suhaag raat videos

Dhanush said...

Oh My God !! I got a restaurant . .Evide Evide .... Huh .. I wish I had, then I wud have catered to my office, which serves pathetic food :)

All I have is a Kitchen at my home :)

I guess he may be searching for Actor Dhanush's rest. Ho ente peru eduthu valiya aalkarokke angu upayogikkum. Ippozhalle budhimuttu manasilaakunn ;)

~Alexis - Hmm.. Home Delivery. Thats a Nice Idea. I will deliver the Chicken Curries now onwards ;)

Was continously laughing this morning .. Thanks Silverine for this post.

moontalk said...

hee hee hee!this was hilarious
my blod once had this guy who demanded to know how he can use his sodex ho for "tax benefits"...
* rolls eyes *

Mind Curry said...

woe to me, woe is me..

*sigh!!*

6.Mind Curry: Sounds delicious, is it the same as Bheja Dry Fry?

its good i am this really optimistic guy and see the positive side of things when i can.."delicious".."delicious".."delicious".."delicious".."delicious".."delicious"..

alexis..thanks man..*sigh!!*

:) ok this was funny..but were you really so angry? man then you should see my keywords..and its not even one month since i activated it!!

Fleiger said...

Yes, search for bengal aunties is a prominant query on my blog, when according to what I know, I don't know any bengali aunties...
Maybe they have heard my reputation as a consultant a la Holmes and want to consult me on the search. Let's see ;)
Err... since I see that the fashion of the season has changed, is your oath for mallu aunties still true?

Jithu said...

so ur promises last only till the shade of a season ? :p. safe bet? ;-)

Mind Curry said...

The Dummies Guide to Bheja Frying aka Mind Curry delicious: Now with useful tips and illustrations

Ingredients -
1/4000th - mindcurry’s brains (thats all we can spare, but that should serve four people)
half tsp - turmeric powder (the healing power of turmeric may be useful for mindcurry's wounded soul, plus it will give it a curry look)
1 tsp - red chilli powder (ouch! this is useful when you are angry especially)
1 tsp - salt (talk about adding salt to the..!)


Clean and wash the brains. (kindly handle with care, its delicate and precious)
Boil them with 3 cups of water salt, turmeric powder and red chilli powder. (boo hoo! can we have it frozen instead? less painful)
Boil them on a medium flame for 10 to 12 minutes or till tender. (again?? waaahhh!!! i am feeling tender alright!!)
Remove the thin membrane. (yuck!! did you mean skin??)
Cut each brain into 4 pieces. (oh my my!! ok ok..it was me who said it serves four)
Lightly melt butter in a non-stick pan and saute the pieces on a medium flame. (why medium now! bring it on..alternatively you can microwave in the grill mode)
Sprinkle pepper powder and serve hot. (whos first??)

i am having a headache!

lol...ok...just came here to check who else has made fun of me! i am coming to get your goat! soon!

hey silverine, this was fun..so dont worry.

Maverick said...

@silverine...oru plate cuttingum shavingum porattey ;)

@mindcurry ...ughhhh buddy u remind me of Hannibal Lecter....scary thought...

silverine said...

mind curry: What I meant was that, mind curry is quite a dish :p So I will disregard the recipe as we don't need any more enhancements, it is PERFECT as it is :)
Your second comment was an epoch making comment, because it was my one lakh and one webhit :)

lalit: That was hilarious!!! :))

dhanush: That person is still looking :))

fleiger: A new color of the season is in and hence the oath remains intact :)

moontalk: lol now why don't I get such hits as I have written about such a topic :)

jithu: Very safe bet as there is always a color for the season :)

flaashgordon said...

Dear angelic blog owner

Already you have bothered so much to do searches on the searches that searchers did (huff puff!) to get to your blog- so dont consider it as a pbm but an as an opportunity! These are days where little people with big ideas are becomin millionaires on the net.

So here's wot you do -

Talk to the manufacturers of Livo"whatever"zine medicine for which people have been desparately searching for - show them ur webhit stats. Next day u'll hav a teeny weeny tab which says " For Livocitrizine -click here"

Similarly with "Mallu aunties and masala" -well not exactly manufacturers here ;-))

Charge them per click, per hour and per month, per year not perhaps...

And lo! the next Fortune list of richest woman entreprenuers will have a new entry...

So Zimble, no?

cheers
flaash

Mind Curry said...

@ fleiger : do i get some royalty?

hope and love said...

loL..!!
loved the lipstic bit the best..
:))

Fleiger said...

@Silverine: Oh, so you just swear on the generic color of the season, the actual number and shade is by-the-by?

@Mind Curry: Royalty for? Didn't get you...

shruti said...

hi dear,
intresting post....

Alexis said...

@Dhanush: First started a restaurant without telling us and started doing home delivery service (and that too on a Royal Enfield Thunderbird) without telling us. That itself is cheating. You should have given us a treat.

Now you are going to have a baby. You are a very brave man. I am sure that Silverine didn't mean having a baby when she said 'live-in' experience :-) Any way congratulations... Hope the mother is well and her identity is secret. But for this you will definitely have to give us a treat.

I spotted a slightly pregnant girl in one of the photographs in your post about your *solo* trip. Is that her and is that the reason you went alone?

Waiting for the treat :-)

@MC: Nice to see you back in action bro. You forgot to add the much talked about mallu masla in your recipe. I am sure that it was a slip (with 1/400th of the brain missing), it is possible :-) Was ROFL.

@Silverine: Since our doc has come up with the very delicious mind curry and has revealed his secret recipe, may be he and Dhanush could have a tie-up and serve it in Dhanush's restaurant. But the only problem is that as the bank balance increases, the docs brain will drain, which is something that we don't want to happen :-)

@MC: Hey doc, is there any substitute for your brain :-)) I mean in the recipe :-) Will something like egg yolk or some wheat flour do?

silverine said...

flaash: Finally, it's nice to see your comments here!!! What a brilliant idea!!! Hats off Sir!!! :)

HnL: Thank you doc :)

shruti: hmmm :)

Fleiger: I swear by the color of the season :)

Alexis: "I spotted a slightly pregnant girl in one of the photographs in your post about your *solo* trip. Is that her and is that the reason you went alone?" ROFLAMO
tch tch all his secrets revealed due to the Statcounter :P

abhishek said...

you are getting spammed even with word verification turned on?

that is strange...

or maybe i'm missing something.

Dhanush said...

I am gonna sue statcounter, rip it out of my blog and applying to the Union Of CopyLeft Association to have my name copy lefted :)

@alexis - Man how did you find her out? Your eyesight is so powerful;) And ya for identity she is very much in secrecy and kept in a secret place . Aarenkilum Kannu Vachalonne.. Enthelum Kandu Pedichalo... alle thanne ee Silverine Auntiye pande Pillerkku Pediyaa..

Fleiger said...

Aah, as it is the "season" changes in a minute, so you don't need to worry about breaking any oaths... Very clever of you. I guess I should start swearing by the trendy mobile of the season ;)

Loa Naissus said...

hey mallu sister!
my first time here.
nice post

silverine said...

abhishek: We are discussing the 'search terms' that bring people to our blogs due to these terms being used here in some form :) You should check your Statcounter too!

dhanush: I have been laughing since y'day after that 'search term' about you having a baby and your mail and Alexis comments :))

fleiger: Now that's good idea, we girls swear by our cosmetics you guys swear by your mobiles :))

loa naissus: Welcome to me blog sistah! :)

Ajith said...

interesting...One Q: How do we findout what people are searching in our blogs? Is there any setting/ account creation to be done.. ?

Mind Curry said...

I am sure that it was a slip (with 1/400th of the brain missing), it is possible
no al..that infact was because whats left of my brain worked!! mallu masala!!
*shudders*

Kurur said...

Have you watched the BBC sitcom 'Allo 'Allo by any chance? There is a character called Michelle of the French resistance who begins each sentence by uttering the exact same words you used... "So listen to me carefully… I shall say this only once." And in a thick European accent.

Jiby said...

kallips...r there ppl who want to see me stop blogging...haha!!!

lol..loved the mallu masala one...shud be desis desperate to get more of shakeela and co!

Fleiger said...

Correct, we can't swear by lipstick or perfume of the day, right?
And any news of the missing aunties or masala?

>|' ; '| said...

!!!!!!!!!

silverine said...

Ajith: You have to get a Statcounter like the one I have above the Blogstreet Icon.

kurur: I love that show!!! :)

Jiby: I get this search term very often :p

fleiger: I am afraid they are lost forever cos I still those search strings!!

Poison: !!!!!

Fleiger said...

Don't be surprised if you see the "Case of Missing Mallu Anuties" on next episode of CID ;)

Di said...

he he..really ..the things people look for!! :O

amu (amrita) said...

lol! you have taken on them well enough to scare off their senses(wonly iff they aunder-standh! -that's the point). thanx dear you have given me an idea to swear on things like urs. half the time i dnt find things to swear on except the worthlessly priceless me :)

silverine said...

Fleiger: A distinct possibility!!! Why don't you write the script? :P

Di: People look for all kinds of things, recently one person was looking for "living with my punjabi inlaws in hell" :p

amu: Thanks dear, get a Statcounter quick, it is a whole new entertainment channel ;)

ggop said...

Heh heh, people have fetishes for mallu aunties ;-)