Saturday, June 03, 2006

The Time of India

Latesht news: It has been positively established that no cocaine was found in a prominent late politicians Son's blood samples.Vikram Singh the family’s loyal driver and servant for the past 15 years, donated the blood for the blood test. He will be nominated for Veertha Puruskar by the Party a spokesman said.

Vikram Singh who lives in Pali Hill,expressed shock at the allegations that the Son had snorted drugs. "The allegations are a lie! It was actually the absolute lack of drugs that made the Son so critical!!!" he exclaimed tearfully.

The Son’s family is so happy at the turn of events. His uncle Maru Anna said “We just can’t believe that our Son was not under intoxication. This is a miracle!!!" The family then went to the Temple/Gurudwara/Church/Mosque/Synagogue and offered pooja in thanksgiving in front of the TV crew.

A hospital spokesperson said, “The blood sample given to us does not contain cocaine or any other drug. But the donor has AIDs and STD and will live for another three months only.” The driver reportedly swooned when he heard the news.

The driver's CT scan report is also normal and hence the Son has been put off ventilator support. Apparently he was hyperventilating.

The Minister’s secretary Viv Mota, who was also brought to the hospital along with the Son and driver, had allegedly imbibed the Son’s share of the drug. He was declared dead on arrival. “Serves him right” said a family member of the Son.

Doctors at MAIMS have conducted an autopsy on Mota's body. An FIR has been lodged against him and his body was questioned for over four hours. The body was released to the mortuary when the interrogation unit broke for lunch. The temperature in the mortuary has been turned up so that the interrogation unit can resume interrogation immediately after lunch. Preliminary investigations are on against the body. So far they have found only a mole on the right butt.

Meanwhile, police are interrogating the three people whom the cops have managed to 'convince' that they were present at the Minister’s residence on Thursday night.

"We are trying to get the big picture here," said, the Big Cop. “ We have specially ordered a wide screen TV for this purpose." The cops were closeted in the TV room for hours. Addressing the Press Conference after that the Big Cop said “Kyon Ki Saas bhi Bahu thi is crap!!” According to neighbours, who spoke to this reporter, the Big Cop slept on the couch that night.

The Big Cop, however, remained tight-lipped about the suspect drug angle to the episode, saying the white powder found at the scene was being examined by forensic experts. "The CFSL report is being prepared by us er...I mean by the doctors and is awaited," he remarked. When asked persistently whether the powder was cocaine he said . “All I can say right now is that it smells awfully like Sandal Wood”. The police have made no arrests so far.

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38 comments:

turncoat said...

ROFLAO...hilarious!!!

....and I am first!!!!!

Nirwa said...

Hahaha!!

Nice one!! Sometimes I feel, what if the Son was not hospitalized.. how would hte news channels survive!?

Nice take on that!

Nirwa

Rockus said...

lol

the coverage was very dramaric though!

Immigrant in Canada said...

Excellent coverage.. I am sure the TV crews are knocking at ur door for more updates!!!

Dr. Pissed said...

Its amazing how these politicians always get away with rape, murder, cocain and stuff like that..

If you notice, no one seems to even have a problem with it. Like no allegations, nothing. Its like he drank a bottle of coke or something. (bad pun)

Anyways, what also bothers me a lot though is the rate at which heroin abuse is taking off in Mumbai. Wont be long before Bangalore catches on. It scares me to even think about the possible damage it'll end up doing. I've seen street kids in mumbai trying to pedal some heroin and shit. Scaryyy!!

But awesome post man. Loved it to bits. Hope you get well soon. I've got candy. Then too from Thailand. Let me know if you want some..

paresh said...

i dont see how the hospitalization of a politician's son is funny. Quite a deviation from your usual funny posts.

Parthiv said...

lol this is so hilarious! looks like u r right, the 'Son's' blood results are 'miraculously' clear, money does things doesnt it?

awesome..!!!!

Maverick said...

hmm u seemed to have hit an overdose of ndtv,cnn ibn......

well i maynot be a doctor at MAIMS but i would prescribe less tv and more blogging in ur case ;)

Annam said...

It hilarious!! I absolutely loved this post ...

Jackal said...

hahaa did u sniff some thing sliver ????

killer is i said...

hahahahaha ...
that was awesome ...
can't stop laughing ..haha =))

Thanu said...

here most jobs require a drug test. i have know ppl who have taken other ppl's body fluids to pass as their own

anup.777 said...

very very nice ... and so well timed! Thanks 4 da fun yaar! Cheers .... I'm gonna get me some sandalwood powder ... ;)

Brijesh said...

That was a great one. Will we see u as a reporter for any Indian News Channel?
I have added u in my blog

Kautilya said...

ROTFL......
"So far they have found only a mole on the right butt." I heard it was on the left one......
Heck.....

aks said...

hey sil...blame it all on cocaine..or the B(jp) Instincts...to cover the whole(holy) shit up....nyways hilarious post....kudos

>|' ; '| said...

i hope that no one related to the dead man will chance up on this post..

Jo said...

The way the media carries out the whole incident is something that can be puked at, but I am not sure about you making fun of a deadman and someone who fights in his death bed. Whatever the reason for that is.

Amit said...

lol ... lovely.. how on earth do you come up with so many things to poke fun at? i have a hard time just thinking up one..

Anonymous said...

lol lol lolzzzz
ek dum correct! :p

L. Itty

monu said...

is this a hot issue just becaue the person involved in it is the son of pramod mahajan ?? or is it becase people are too much worried about drugs and its misuse ?

Patty said...

Ah the rich and famous........ They have decided that they get to live by a different set of rules than the rest of us mere mortals.

I am sure you remember Bill Clinton's famous, "I did not have sexual relations with that woman" speech. Followed shortly by, 'Oops! Well, if you include that I guess I did, maybe, but....." On and on. Now, personally, I don't care who he did or didn't have sex with, and I sure don't appreciate it being debated in my living room, but I guess that is his entitlement for being "inportant," and my wants don't come into play. Thank goodness they still make televisions with off buttons. When they get wise to that one, I will be in real trouble.

calvin said...

=)). Real world is far funnier and more gruesome than the ones in books and movies. Want an entertainer ? watch news.

Pratish Menon said...

ltnc, quick on the draw, eh?

b v n said...

outright funny!!
enjoyed the sarcasm

silverine said...

turncoat: Thank you dear, wish I could laugh too :)

nirwa: I get this strong feeling that the tests and hospitalisation was sponsored by the various News channels :p

rockus: TRP is the mantra my dear :)

Sarah: Common folks like me know more than what the TV people think :)

dr. pissed: Exactly and I am so hopping mad!!!! You and me will be cooling our heals in the slammer for the rest of our lives if we sniff Erazex! Remember Bidappa? How many people can get away with possesing drugs in an Arab country?


Paresh: Even I dont see anything funny in this whole saga. Wonder why people were guffawing when the test results came out hmmmm... beats me.

Parthiv: True!

Maverick: Thanks for the diagnosis, advice and prescription doc :)

Annam: Thanks girl :))

Jackal: Maybe I should start sniffing soon...I need something strong to believe all this.

killer is I: Thank you :))

Thanu: You got the gist gal :)

anup.777: "I'm gonna get me some sandalwood powder" LOL
pssst..the Big Cops wife has just filed an FIR that her Mysore Sandal Powder tin is missing ;)

Brijesh: Thank you :) I would make a really bad reporter as you can see :p

Koutilya: LOL now that's brand new information :P

aks: lol true and thanks buddy :)

poison: Any idea who the dead man is?

Jo: Believe me, I am not laughing. "someone who fights in his death bed" er...wot???

amit: Thanks buddy:) We have got so used to the bizzare that we treat them as normal. But this was way too bizarre. Anyways I like to throw prescriptions to the wind, if you know what I mean ;)

L Itty: Thanks :p

Monu:It's about getting away with anything if you have the power and the money.

Patty: "they get to live by a different set of rules than the rest of us mere mortals And we folks have to tee the line, that's what's so galling. I dread the day they find the magic button.


Aashik: Real world is where the drama is if you have the money and power. For you and me it would be a different story and believe me it wont be that funny!

Pratish: Stung...yes.

b v n: Thank you :)

mathew said...

ROTFL!!!

and we have a one billion people to believe what they say on the television!!

Are these Apollo docs morons!!?

Anand K said...

Hmmmpfffffffffff..... reminds me of this headline in The Onion during the Anthrax scare post 9/11.

WHITE POWDER FOUND ON DONUTS ALL OVER THE UNITED STATES! NATION SEIZED BY PANIC! :P

Guess the grieveing son wanted to drown his sorrows in a dose of "Liquid Lady". Thank God he didn't go the Speedball route like Janis Joplin, Chris Farley, John Belushi, Keith Moon and River Phoenix. Or that Nigerian dictator Sani Abacha who died following a cardiac arrest apparently induced by excess intake of Viagra! Scandals like that would have stinked to the high heavens. Atleast here there is a sliver of doubt that the binami partners of Ze Big Daddy wanted to "tie up the loose ends".

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

u didnt mention " Grieving Mommy " and " Turned in the grave Daddy "

nor "public speaker party leader"

.
.
.
.
.

oops ! sorry .. i mean the Times Of India didnt mention " Grieving Mommy " and " Turned in the grave Daddy ",
nor "public speaker party leader"

silverine said...

Mathew: Precisely, they think we are morons which is what pisses me off the most!

Anand K : LOL I remember the time 'any' white powder would cause panic in US!!! The benami partners of Ze Big Daddy seems to be washing their hands off the bad boy :P

Deepa: Those too and there is so much more...anyways I am glad that they are doing a rethink now.

Mind Curry said...

But Abba Vaji has declared they are just boys, and in your youth things like ODing on heroine and a cocktail of cocaine, LSD and all such things is natural. To quote him, "We will see how the boy can be brought back on the right track from where he has strayed."

You have captured the very essence of a very basic fact: Politicians have so much power, that we are treated literally as donkeys, and we have asked for it ourselves. By the donkeys, for the donkeys, of the donkeys.

silverine said...

@Mind Curry: Thank you!! What Abba Vaji is reiterating is that there is a class that can be forgiven anything. There are thousands of people rotting in jail for years for less.
"we are treated literally as donkeys, and we have asked for it ourselves. By the donkeys, for the donkeys, of the donkeys"

I couldn't agree with you more.

Tha Dalda said...

heh. super ma. deadly post. love the suttle humour. too bad that i dont follow the news and cant know wat happens to the world. i may realise the next tsunami here if i get caught in it else probly after a month when someone actually bothers to tell it to me.

Kusum Rohra said...

ROTFL

Now besides the IT dept the dead mans family too will be devising plans to hack your blog :)

Browser said...

Latest Update - Ze BIG Ploice is plaaning on exhuming the body of Veerappan for interrogation. Maybe there is a connection :-)

On a more serious note, you have a fantastic ability of putting socail problems across in humor. Only if more people read your blog and understood...

aks said...

hey sil, ur prayers ..or rather many of our prayers have been answered.....THE NAUGHTY BOY has been sent to his Sasural....but say what his Maikhawaley are actually trying to get him An MP seat....Shaadi ka THOFA...ya AUR kuch jo hum nahin jantey....

silverine said...

the dalda: Thank you. I am sure when the Tsunami hits you, you will have something witty to say about that too :))

Kusum: The list grows longer :))

Browser:You made me gufaw in office :)) I wouldn't be surprised if the wild goose chase led to Veerappan's grave lol And thank you for the words of encouragement!!

aks: Wow!!!! Thats good news indeed!.Thanks buddy for that update! Now lets watch the Maike Vs Sasural tamashaa!! :))

If I tell ya, I'll have to kill ya said...

hey girlie. good post.