After a real nice vacation I think you will all agree that the last thing you want to see in your mail box are spam and mails stripped of malicious attachments! I spent nearly an hour sorting through genuine mails and deleting mails carrying these er...works-of-art. (a.k.a. Virus/Worms/Trojans/Spam.) That is a good hour of billed time I wasted. For God’s sake all you spammers and malicious programmers don’t you have a life? Maybe a girlfriend/boyfriend or a pimple that you wanna squeeze and burst? I guess not... seeing how busy you have been spamming me 24/7.
By now I have wised up and delete all mails with corny subjects like these...
I love you (but the feeling is not mutual dahling)
S**y picture (thanks for pointing it out, else I would have framed and hung it up)
Re: Enquiry (wow! this is the first time I have got a reply to an Enquiry)
Is that your password? ( hmm it does look familiar)
Re: improved (Ah I remember, you were selling Viagra last time, self medicating yourself yeah?)
Re: Valium news (It better be juicy news!)
Re: excel document (so Excel and Word had a love child? Does Bill know about this?)
For gods sake if you really want to infect PC’s and your spam mails read, then why not go for creative “Subjects”? I am more or less resigned to the inevitability of death, taxes and spam, so why not let me help you spammers/malicious programmers for a small fee?
Take a look at the sample "Subject" matter that I have created that will definitely make the receiver read your mails.
Hi, this is me from the next cubicle :) : Guaranteed to be read at the speed of light if recipient is male. Females will read it out of curiosity anyway. (Audio file of fluttering eye lashes can be arranged for an additional charge.)
Saw you in on my floor today,you are so handsome: Mail will read with gleeful look if recipient is male. Females as usual will read it out of curiosity.
Guess who HR was with yesterday night? Pictures attached: Attachments will be opened in record speed.
Shocking!!!! PM misbehaves with J. See attachment. Attachment opening guaranteed with vicarious glee on face even if there is no J in the company.
I am too shy to talk to you hence this mail: Mail reading guaranteed after furtive looks to see if the coast is clear.
Your performance appraisal: Attachment opening guaranteed in zero seconds
Your Manager’s Performance Appraisal Report, careful!: Guaranteed opening with evil grin on face.
Confidential: PL’s browsing history: Attachment forwarding guaranteed to 374343 people even before opening.
Complaints against you from your Reporting Manager: Attachment opening guaranteed after recipient says a brief ‘puja’.
And there is more where this comes from. If any of you creative people are reading this, do get in touch with me. My replies to you always bounce. My services are reasonably priced. Satisfaction guaranteed. And if you don’t want my services, then I will hire a spammer to spam you till you agree to buy.
Disclaimer: Samples shown here will work in IT companies only. For other organizations an additional “research” charge will be levied.
When you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em ;)