Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Office Blahging !

Monday morning I got a mail from HR.

We notice that the corporate blog space allocated to you is lying unused. As a communications intern, your blog will be used in your grading. So please use the blog to post articles and news and enjoy this exciting medium.

p.s. If you need any help or information about blogging please contact Ramesh from the Employee Rules and Regulations Team.

Sincerely,

HR



I schedule a meeting with Ramesh to learn about the intricacies of Blogging in the Conference Room.

Me: Hi Ramesh, what is this blog thingy all about?
Ramesh: Did you take a look at the links I sent you?
Me: heh heh Yes, that one on HR bashing was cool. Can I do the same?
Ramesh: er...HR bashing? No no no, you were supposed to read the post on the landing page and not browse the archives !!!!
Me: The archives in that blog were really good. The one on the MD’s browsing history was a scream ha ha ha ha...
Ramesh (sweating): er...please disregard that link I sent you and see this blog!
Me: I was just beginning to have fun. This one is so boring. It talks about productivity at work barf!!!
Ramesh: Exactly!!! Corporate blogs should have useful and fun information.
Me: Fun information? Can I write about Guarav and Jayesh getting beaten up at that seedy bar yesterday?
Ramesh (petrified): Noooooooooooooo!!
Me: But you said I can write fun!!!!
Ramesh (wiping sweat from brow): By fun I meant things like office picnic, team outings, holidays etc.
Me: Oh ok, can I write about our last team outing to the spa?
Ramesh: (beaming): Sure!!! What a good idea!!
Me: Damn! I can’t remember that masseuse’s name.
Ramesh (uneasily): masseuse?????? er...why do you want to write about the masseuse??
Me: She slapped that Project Manager very hard, dunno why.
Ramesh(aghast): Noooooooooo, you can’t write stuff like that.
Me:Just now you told me that I can write about the Team Outing!
Ramesh: I need some strong coffee and a couple of dozen Aspirins. Please read the posts in our office blog and get back to me when you get the concept. In the meantime DO NOT WRITE ANYTHING ON YOUR CORPORATE BLOG OK??????
Me: Ok ok, no need to shout! *grumble*


After Ramesh left I sat down and read all the recent posts on the office blog. It was an amazing read.

A marketing manager had written about Brand Building.

“Brand building is very complicated. I shall research the same and post an article at a later date. In the meantime do check out our competitors latest product called *censored*. It is way ahead of the competition!!

Below it was a footnote by the Blog Administrator

Mr Marketing Guy,

Please do not use office blog to promote the competitors product.

Signed:
Blog Administrator.

p.s. Do let me know where I can buy *censored*.


A techie had written extensively about traveling by BMTC buses with some useful tips and suggestions.

Route No 200 is always full and Route no 201 is tedious and Route no 203 is always late. But if you take Route No. 404 and then get off at Sewersandra and take the 114 you will definitely reach the office late. So I would advice all of you to buy a bike”

A lady in the testing team had written about her travails with her maid with some pointers to retain maids like:

“Don’t let her feel she is the boss”

and

“If she asks for a raise fire her !!!!”

Very informative.

The post by our Administration manager was very reassuring:

“We take great care to see that our Cafeteria food is balanced with the correct proportion of carbohydrate, protein, fat, vitamins, mineral salts and fiber. Let me assure you all that the fourteen employees in the hospital with Gastroenteritis after allegedly eating cafeteria food are telling lies.”

The entry by HR was very touching and bought a tear to my eye and a lump to my throat.

“This year we will not be giving any optional holidays unless there is an earthquake to the magnitude of 9 on the Richter scale or a meteorite collision with Earth. In case of a meteorite collision only those affected by the crash will get an off. The rest will come to work as usual.”

The Finance Manager also had a post. It was interestingly titled:

“Taxation for Dummies. A Self Help Guide for our Employees”

Given below is an excerpt from the post.

“To arrive at your Income Tax for the year 2006/2007, take the distance between the Sun and the Moon, now multiply the figure with your gross income and the subsequent figure should then be divided by the circumference of an ants egg. Simple!”

Even the Sysadmin had an entry. It was titled:

“Weekend Leisure Activities”

Off late I have started trekking during weekends. It is a very healthy activity and has cured me of my squint. Earlier I led a boring life reading your mails and peeping into the folders in your computers. Now I go trekking to Mullayanigiri and Kudremukh and access your systems from the pristine surroundings of these verdant hills. I recommend trekking for all employees.”

After looking at the impressive writings, I realized that I was way out of my league here. I have subsequently asked HR to remove me from the bloggers list.

72 comments:

TamilPonnu said...

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO - that's the good stuff man! cool post.

"Ramesh (uneasily): masseuse?????? er...why do you want to write about the masseuse??
Me: She slapped that Project Manger very hard, dunno why."

silverine said...

@tamilponnu: First comments deserve a special reply :)) Thank you.

LI said...

:-D , Nice one .Totally hilarious

kornkob said...

I am too weak with laughter to comment now :)) Absolutely hilarious....LOL

If I tell ya, I'll have to kill ya said...

“To arrive at your Income Tax for the year 2006/2007, take the distance between the Sun and the Moon, now multiply that figure with your gross income and the subsequent figure should be divided by the circumference of an ants egg. Simple!”

ROTFL

Simbly Superb !!!

Srini said...

“To arrive at your Income Tax for the year 2006/2007, take the distance between the Sun and the Moon, now multiply that figure with your gross income and the subsequent figure should be divided by the circumference of an ants egg. Simple!”

Hilarious. Was doing my taxes yesterday and now i read this.

calvin said...

=))

Wait .. Let me get up (from the floor). There. Now .

" Now I go trekking to Mullayanigiri and Kudremukh and access your systems from the pristine surroundings of these verdant hills. I recommend trekking for all employees"

He is cool . My long lost brother . The sysadmin .

A Camouflaged Being said...

Great to see that you have a similar bunch of morons in the HR and related sections (like they are everywhere) I am glad that God makes each one of us suffer the same pain, in bits and pieces, day by day, year after year....and it goes on...

Good illustration, though I dunno how you manage to listen through the entire conversation, I generally turn off my aural inputs to protect my sanity.

PJ

silverine said...

@Lijo: Thank you :)
@kornkob: Appreciate your comment :)
@If I Tell Ya girl: Thanks girl :)Bet you have the same moronic people where you work.
@Srini: Hope you will use the simplified version to tabulate your Taxes :))
@Aashik: Aha! The secrets are coming out now :))
@PJ: Nice to see you here girl. Yeah, I too have the same set up. Can't turn off the aural inputs as I am the Communications person here ;)

Hyde said...

Heh heh, must bring this up at the next All-Hands meeting.

I recall a time a colleague asked me whether I blog. Truthfully, I said no. Because at that time this moniker had not made its appearance.

Amitabha said...

Ha ha ...I feel these HRs are the most unfortunate creatures on this earth after ants...They are the front end of an application which has always been very badly coded within ..poor souls ...No wonder the aspirin industry is booming ....Good post as usual...

Fleiger said...

Grrr... Google Reader always shows me the posts late. (Thank god blogger and google are not competitors, or else, it would be *sensor* reader)

Anyways, nice post as usual. Showing all the problems corporate blogger face. I mean, if you can't use your blog as pressure cooker whistle, you will sure blow your gasket (the rubbery thing around the ream of cooker lid, dunno the spelling).

That's why when we learnt our project manager had blogspot account, lot of people took a post out of my blog (page out of book??) and switched to a pen name.

In somewhat unrelated context, one of my friends sent me a link of his blog on corporate website. The link showed me "For XYZ employees only" Seems to me you limit your readership a lot in that case.

Fleiger said...

That was one looong comment...

Rockus said...

Hehe...it was a laugh riot...
I am a potential target for your ire I believe...my main project is to built "A centralised controlled system to share ideas in a corporate world"...

Mind Curry said...

lol..its funny how creative we can get when we start blogging..

but for sure no one to beat your office bloggers ;)

but seriously, you are the best!

Thanu said...

So funny post. I laughed so hard.. Don't let the maid be the boss... that was my fav.

പാപ്പാന്‍‌/mahout said...

Waiting for the juicy stuff on:
1. The MD's browsing history
2. Gaurav and Jayesh getting beaten up at a seedy bar.
3. The incident in which the project manager got slapped by a masseuse.
:)

Anand K said...

Oh Mah Sweeyt Lorrrrd in Hayyven! LOL!

That was an all star cast of bloggers from the pecking order! But didn't the big guy, ze Pointy Hair Boss, leave a buzzword-rich post in the blog? ;)

venus said...

haha, i could not stop laughing while readin your post! good one.

Gladtomeetin said...

Cool one asusual...Your sense of humor is amazing ;-))

Keep Rocking Dear !

Sujit said...

wow... thats fun.. how could get such imagination?!!

Browser said...

The incident in which the project manager got slapped by a masseuse - I swear it wasn't me.
Half the lies they say about me aren't true.

silverine said...

@Hyde:In my company the powers that be don't even know what blogspot is :))And what cracks me up is seeing people in my office surreptitiously read my blogs not knowing that the girl who sits on the ground floor is 'silverine' lol
@Amitabha: Don't start me on HR grr :))
@Fleiger: The rules and regulations governing corporate blogging is down right ridiculous. Which is why most people prefer external blogging under pen name.Under the present rules I can only post politically correct Nursery Rhymes :))
@Rockus: A centralised controlled system to share ideas in a corporate world"... Are you sure you are not working in my company? :-O
@mindcurry: My office bloggers are a class apart :p
@mahouth: Now that would be telling. Use your imagination :))
@Anand: ze Pointy Hair Boss's posts are written by the corporate communications team and consists mostly of hot air :p
@Venus and Gladtomeetin: Thank you ! :)
@Sujith: I work in er..stimulating surroundings ;)
@browser: Methinks the Project manager protests too much :))

Fleiger said...

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, unless your company has any competitors called Jack and Jill Inc. :)

Alexis Leon said...

Rocking piece of writing! The conversation between you and the HR guy was very interesting. I had just finished "Naked conversations", which is about corporate blogging. Your post brought what I have read in the right perspective:-)

Trisha Palat said...

"Taxation for Dummies. A Self Help Guide for our Employees"

grr I am not a dummy!!
You are impossible Anju. Hilarious!!! I can't laugh anymore...and since I know most of the people mentioned here makes it all the more funny ha ha ha

silverine said...

@Fleiger: Twinkle Twinkle little star and Jack and Jill Inc.? Now let me run it thru the legal guys :))
@Alexis: Nothing like an actual example to put things in perspective :))
@Trish: shhhhhhhh girl ;)

fundoome said...

And what cracks me up is seeing people in my office surreptitiously read my blogs not knowing that the girl who sits on the ground floor is 'silverine'

that's the fun of blogging under pen name.....write whatever you want without being caught:D

Lalit Singh said...

This post resulted in bouts of convulsive laughter and stares from team mates :-)

Mr Marketing Guy, Administration manager, entry by HR and Sys admin were really good. those guys should be prompted to start a regular vlog. Why shouldnt we have the pleasure of reading their work
:-D

Leon said...

Great one.....had myself rollin in laughter

Mind Curry said...

after reading al's comment i remembered an old joke - what is an atom? it is the smallest building block of matter which can only be seen by a naked man's eye.

blog - a naked man's conversation? could be true, coz its like our true inner feelings spilt out.

rofl!

Mind Curry said...

apparently the joke, was a true incident. the student actually meant " a man's naked eye".

silverine said...

@Fundoome:Blogging under a pen name has a liberating effect ! :)
@Lalit:The posts by the junta are quite good, but the posts by the powers that be is downright ridiculous, mostly PR and blowing their own trumpets :))
@mindcurry:Naked mans' eyes?? LOL That takes the cake!!!

chamki said...

ha ha ha
extremely funny

Fleiger said...

Oh, after listening to some of my friends, I am no longer sure Jack and Jill is politically correct. So, I suggest "Humpty Dumpty" instead.

Or I guess the links to posts about masseuse incident will surely be welcome. After all, that is useful (for next person going to the spa) and fun (for people other than your PM)information.

Grrr... does this word verif need exact color or what?

Jim said...

Hehe, my fave is “Taxation for Dummies. A Self Help Guide for our Employees”

As for anonymous blogging, I just remembered a comment my friend made about blogging: "it's the perfect way to showcase your social skills without having to actually be social". To which my reply was "or lack of them". Anonymous blogging kinda defeats that purpose, but "to each his/her own," I suppose.

Your office bloggers are hilarious, but you're still our fave, Silverine :)

Safari Al said...

sorry havent been able to drop by as often here. just read the entire backlog of blogs. brilliant.

So how is Chacko?

i am coming home for the weekend. i want to drink beer and listen to you rave about your HR

hope and love said...

:))
how do u think up all these funny points..?!

Naresh Krishnan said...

Never known HR to be easy with blogs. Or anything that takes a poke. Not even long sticks, I hear.

Have fun watching them blush.

silverine said...

@Chamki: Thank you!! What a cute name you have :)
@Fleiger: Humpty Dumpty is demeaning to Humoty Dumpty lol You definition of useful and fun information is noted :p and I hate Word Verification too. Had disabled it last month only to get umpteen spam comments all over my archives :(
@Jim: Anonymity is necessasry if you poke fun at the powers that be :P And thank you for that sweet compliment :)
@Safari Al: It's a corporate jungle out there where I work :))
@HnL: Come to my office and you will soon write like me. The people here are priceless :))
@Naresh: Think of the devil.... I was just planning to drop by your blog and Viola! you are here :)) HR are not easy with a lot of stuff, especially holidays :( and blush? What's that? I can hear them say lol

Fleiger said...

Hmmm... Anything good here? (I got such an inferiority complex reading this, I don't know more than 1% of them)

As for word verif, necessary evil, I know. That was just the rants of a person who tried to put the comment 4 times, and could not even after writing the same word :(

JamesBright said...

It is very clever that you wanted to stay away from the 'company sponsored blogging' as it is surely a wastage of time!

tcr_79 said...

This was too good a post...

I just cannot control my laughter...

Will have to catch up on the posts that I missed over the weekend...

Keep up the good work - just keep writing...

silverine said...

@Fleiger: Nice link. I know abut 50% of the nursery rhymes here :) Now I can fill up the corporate blog :p and btw I think the day is not far when we will have to color code the comment verification thingie:)) I had the same problem while commenting on Quills post.
@dreamslittle: Absolutely. It actually is a waste of time.
@tcr_79: Hey nice to see you after such a long time. I guess you have faced a similar predicament lol

browser said...

Your post made me visit the board for our company. It looks like a HR ego booster site. I wonder if the comments are edited / screened? Anyway posting a few of them - "This is an excellent initiative. Wish you a great going", " A good employee friendly intiative". BTW, if my HR is reading this, I might need help fnding a job. :-)

Srinivas said...

Stopped by after a while. Of course you do not disappoint. When the management comes up with a ultra techy intelligent idea here we are to declare doom. The biggest use of intranet at my office came in when they started to update the cafeteria weekly menu!

Anonymous said...

I was like, um uhm, am I on the right blog!!...what happened to be black background? any specific reason to change it to white;)

Shan

Shriedhar said...

Hey dude!!

ur HR team seems excellent.
the stf's gud

n y u wanna detach urself frm that bloggers ist?
i guess u can much better :)

Dewaker Basnet said...

great post:)))

1.618 said...

You are lucky... Atleast you have a corporate blog... Here, everyday one or other site's access is being denied by the Sys-admin guys...

Back after a long & exhausting week. I sure am cheered up after this post! :)

Fleiger said...

50%?? Now you are giving me inferiority complex...

silverine said...

@Browser: Of course they are screened and in my company even 'edited':))And if my HR ever reads this or some of my previous post then even I will be looking for a job !! :))
@Srinivas: Cafeteria menu sounds brilliant lol At least it is better than 'blowing own trumpet' that happens in many corporate blogs :)
@Shan: Hi, no specific reason, just got tired of the same template day in and day out :)
@Sridhar: I don't have the 'creativity' of these people and whatever I write will be 'edited' with a heavy hand by HR anyway :))
@Dewaker: Thanks buddy :)
@1.618: Nice to see you back :)We have Yahoo blocked :(
@Fleiger: tsk tsk that's what happens when you don't pay attention to the teacher and spend your time ogling at the pretty tiny tots in your class :p

>|' ; '| said...

blog?
whazzat?

and whats this silverine website...

:-??

acts of the gods i guess..

The Graduate said...

Oh no. "Interesting corporate blog" sounds like a contradiction in terms.

Fleiger said...

Pretty tiny tots? Hmm.. let's see... sorry, can't remember any. Let's just say I an not a nursery rhymes person.

Fleiger said...

Got it... after thinking for a long time reg: pretty tiny tots, I remembered that playing in the ground was way cooler back then than any girls, pretty or not. You know, we subscribed to the Calvin way, though later in life now it is Hobbes all the way.

silverine said...

Poison: My dear boy with that statement you have just qualified to enter the corporate blog world :P
@the graduate:So true lol
@Fleiger: Now now don't be shy to admit that 'you kissed the girls and made them cry'. Bad georgie podgy!!!! :P

Fleiger said...

Kiss a girl? What is that?

lash said...

You are found guilty of causing a laugh riot in my office and is hereby sentenced to 2 weeks of Rigorous Abstinence from blogging!

silverine said...

@Fleiger: LOL Ok I take back all I said :))
@Lash:Hey, thanks buddy.Nice to see you here :) And Rigorous Abstinence from blogging is not such a bad idea afterall :))

Fleiger said...

Thank you :)

monu said...

U r realy a gifted person ....

as people say ..to make someone cry is simple ,any one can do that ...but to make somone smile ...thats not easy, only Gifted ones can do that :)

moontalk said...

hi hi!that was extremely hilarious...but guess thats suppossed to be the point!
poor HR guys...seem to be the most 'made jokes bout' ppl, next to sardars!:)

Kusum Rohra said...

oh man! I mean woman, how do you do it everytime :)

I wish i was one tenth as imaginative and narrative as you are :)

Fully Phuntastic :)

Sp^wN_0F_S^T^N said...

The new look sucks.

Oh, and your last two posts aren't as funny being read on this background.....or are you losing your touch?? :P

silverine said...

@Fleiger: My pleasure :)
@Monu: Thank you for that really nice compliment. I am touched.
@moontalk: Poor HR indeed lol But then they are not that 'poor' are they? ;)
@Kusum: Kusum, dear girl it is so nice to see your comments.And er... imagination runs wild when you are in an exalted company as I am lol
@spawnofsatan: I love the new look. And about me losing touch, too bad isn't it? Now you can list my blog in your 'to avoid' list LOL

ursjina said...

hope they introduce some perks here too..say icecreams..n chocolate cakes..

massage n free trips for bloggers from blogspot..;)

tangy said...

nice posts...had a good time goin' thru it :)

Alit said...

OK. I'm not an HR folk, not even a Finance guy and least a Sys Admin.
But I'm delirious!!!
Blogs from HR, Finance Guys and a Sys Admin to boot, under one roof! The stuff bloggo dreams are made of -;))

But not so sure if Gregs and Sams would be happy with these latest turn of events with E-Blogs(Hope you remember them, if not, refresher here -;)

Good stuff hey! you got what it takes to get people hooked. Great going indeed!

ps: I must confess I didnt really realize how privileged I was, back then, when you drop by my blog and even bothered to pen a comment-;)

silverine said...

@Ursjina: Good Idea :))
@Tangy: Thank you :)
@Alit:Thank you for the kind words and for dropping by :)

Venkat Ramanan said...

Hey Silverine!!!
I walked into you blog and I can't walk out cos I am fractured after reading this post because of *falling falling laughing* (Vizhundhu vizhundhu sirikkirathu - ) HEHEHHE :))
Too good.. The things about manager getting slapped by maseuse steals the award!!! [:))]
COntniue writing in your official blog about the gossips in the lunch room et al!! :)
Good work... !!!!!!!

silverine said...

@Venkat Ramanan: Welcome to my blog and thanks buddy :))