Monday morning I got a mail from HR.
We notice that the corporate blog space allocated to you is lying unused. As a communications intern, your blog will be used in your grading. So please use the blog to post articles and news and enjoy this exciting medium.
p.s. If you need any help or information about blogging please contact Ramesh from the Employee Rules and Regulations Team.
I schedule a meeting with Ramesh to learn about the intricacies of Blogging in the Conference Room.
Me: Hi Ramesh, what is this blog thingy all about?
Ramesh: Did you take a look at the links I sent you?
Me: heh heh Yes, that one on HR bashing was cool. Can I do the same?
Ramesh: er...HR bashing? No no no, you were supposed to read the post on the landing page and not browse the archives !!!!
Me: The archives in that blog were really good. The one on the MD’s browsing history was a scream ha ha ha ha...
Ramesh (sweating): er...please disregard that link I sent you and see this blog!
Me: I was just beginning to have fun. This one is so boring. It talks about productivity at work barf!!!
Ramesh: Exactly!!! Corporate blogs should have useful and fun information.
Me: Fun information? Can I write about Guarav and Jayesh getting beaten up at that seedy bar yesterday?
Ramesh (petrified): Noooooooooooooo!!
Me: But you said I can write fun!!!!
Ramesh (wiping sweat from brow): By fun I meant things like office picnic, team outings, holidays etc.
Me: Oh ok, can I write about our last team outing to the spa?
Ramesh: (beaming): Sure!!! What a good idea!!
Me: Damn! I can’t remember that masseuse’s name.
Ramesh (uneasily): masseuse?????? er...why do you want to write about the masseuse??
Me: She slapped that Project Manager very hard, dunno why.
Ramesh(aghast): Noooooooooo, you can’t write stuff like that.
Me:Just now you told me that I can write about the Team Outing!
Ramesh: I need some strong coffee and a couple of dozen Aspirins. Please read the posts in our office blog and get back to me when you get the concept. In the meantime DO NOT WRITE ANYTHING ON YOUR CORPORATE BLOG OK??????
Me: Ok ok, no need to shout! *grumble*
After Ramesh left I sat down and read all the recent posts on the office blog. It was an amazing read.
A marketing manager had written about Brand Building.
“Brand building is very complicated. I shall research the same and post an article at a later date. In the meantime do check out our competitors latest product called *censored*. It is way ahead of the competition!!
Below it was a footnote by the Blog Administrator
Mr Marketing Guy,
Please do not use office blog to promote the competitors product.
p.s. Do let me know where I can buy *censored*.
A techie had written extensively about traveling by BMTC buses with some useful tips and suggestions.
Route No 200 is always full and Route no 201 is tedious and Route no 203 is always late. But if you take Route No. 404 and then get off at Sewersandra and take the 114 you will definitely reach the office late. So I would advice all of you to buy a bike”
A lady in the testing team had written about her travails with her maid with some pointers to retain maids like:
“Don’t let her feel she is the boss”
“If she asks for a raise fire her !!!!”
The post by our Administration manager was very reassuring:
“We take great care to see that our Cafeteria food is balanced with the correct proportion of carbohydrate, protein, fat, vitamins, mineral salts and fiber. Let me assure you all that the fourteen employees in the hospital with Gastroenteritis after allegedly eating cafeteria food are telling lies.”
The entry by HR was very touching and bought a tear to my eye and a lump to my throat.
“This year we will not be giving any optional holidays unless there is an earthquake to the magnitude of 9 on the Richter scale or a meteorite collision with Earth. In case of a meteorite collision only those affected by the crash will get an off. The rest will come to work as usual.”
The Finance Manager also had a post. It was interestingly titled:
“Taxation for Dummies. A Self Help Guide for our Employees”
Given below is an excerpt from the post.
“To arrive at your Income Tax for the year 2006/2007, take the distance between the Sun and the Moon, now multiply the figure with your gross income and the subsequent figure should then be divided by the circumference of an ants egg. Simple!”
Even the Sysadmin had an entry. It was titled:
“Weekend Leisure Activities”
Off late I have started trekking during weekends. It is a very healthy activity and has cured me of my squint. Earlier I led a boring life reading your mails and peeping into the folders in your computers. Now I go trekking to Mullayanigiri and Kudremukh and access your systems from the pristine surroundings of these verdant hills. I recommend trekking for all employees.”
After looking at the impressive writings, I realized that I was way out of my league here. I have subsequently asked HR to remove me from the bloggers list.