Monday, December 26, 2005

Feel gifted !

The first gifts of the Season from other family members have started trickling in. My aunt gave me a beauuuuuuuuuuuuuutiful pack of heart shaped candles with glitter on them. I absolutely love them!!!!

Second gift is from a cousin brother. Hold you breaths girls. Trumpets sounds, cymbals clash as I open the gift.

IT IS A BOX OF GLITTERY EYE SHADOW !!!

Yuckk!!

( but the thought was nice)

Ok, this is it. That was the last straw on a gals fast sinking faith in the ability of most guys to buy a decent gift. I am now convinced that most guys are not gifted with the art of gifting ( corny line I know!! ) So here’s a guide for guys who are gifting-ideas-challenged and want to surprise the women* in their lives with that Perfect Gift. (* moms, sisters, girlfriends,wives, cousins sisters, colleagues etc.)

Warning: Please do not try this on men!


1. We do not like non stick pans. Please do not remind us of the drudgery of cooking for you.

2. We do not like crockery. It is a constant reminder that it needs to be filled with food.

3. But we love cookery books. Especially glossy ones with colorful pictures . Don’t ask me why Point No. 1 and Point No. 2 is disallowed when Point No 3 is allowed.

4. We like kitchen implements if they operate electronically and we are married ( or else you are in trouble, leave scene immediately).

5. We like candles. The fancier the better. Don’t ask me why! Just buy it!!

6. We love flowers, but stick to roses if you do not know about our likes and dislikes among the 200 other varieties available in the market.

7. We love artificial flowers, that is if you are onsite in the US or Europe.

8. We love perfumes, but please DO NOT BUY perfumes for us. We dont wanna smell like an oil slick! (Hint: Gift voucher)

9. We do not like aftershave. I know it smells wonderful.

10. Ditto for men’s deodorant. I know it does the same thing that a ladies deodorant does. grrrrrrrrr

11. We do not mind sarees if we are 21 and above. But please tell the shopkeeper that we will be coming soon to exchange it.

12. Ditto with books. But a subscription of Femina, Reader's Digest or Cosmo will be just fine.

13. We love jewelry but follow Point No 8 (Gift Voucher). Please remember a Rs 500/- Gift Voucher will not even get us an entry into a jewelry shop. The Gift Voucher should be in multiples of Rs.1000/- only!

14. It's true, Diamonds are indeed a girls best friend. (hint, hint)

15. We love gems but please tell sales girl our birthmonth so that she can give you our birthstone. We are very particular about this. However whatever our birthmonth, Diamonds are always welcome ;)

16. Everything that glitters is not gold for girls. So please go easy on glittery tops, shoes, handbags, lipstick and eyeshadows. Point No. 5 can be repeated here too.

17. We are extremely particular about our lipstick shade, so repeat Gift Voucher /Certificate here too.

18. If you are planning on buying lingerie for wife / girl
friend then “God help you!!!” Play safe, don't get caught consulting a Lingerie catalogue. Read it someplace safe.

19. We love chocolates. But we may not like chocolates as a gift because it is fattening. So it’s your call.

20. A weighing scale is not such a good idea of a present and can be potentially harmful to your skull.

21. We love paintings, but no nude women please... and vice versa.

22. We love crystals, especially those cute animals figurines in crystals.

23. Talking of crystals, we also like crystalware.

24. Teddy bears are acceptable if we are 12 years and below. Dolls also fall under this category!

25. Just because we are middle aged ( 50+) does not mean we do not appreciate flowers, so go easy on the Hot Water Bottles,prayer books and Shawls.

26. We love music CDs but who the heck is Laffy Taffy???? And Black Eyed Peas...? Is this some exotic vegetable? Please enquire about our taste in music from our friends before buying that CD.

27. If we are above 70, forget about the gift.....we would love to have you visit us.( ok senti rising to dangerous levels here, grandma I miss you * sniff* )

28. And ....the only brass that we wanna see, is on guys in uniform ;)

62 comments:

Adarsh A. Varghese said...

Whew! Too many things to keep in mind! I usually take the gal along and allow her to pick and I just pay! It works most of the time. And mostly I have found that most of them are happy because you thought of buying a gift for them (Well, I dunno what they would be saying 'bout the gift in pvt). A very informative post indeed! It would surely be nice if you keep posting this kinda "what women want" posts!

Hyde said...

To sum it up, a gift voucher is a man's friend.

Matter of Choice said...

ur post is of no relevance...atleast to poor guys who have only mothers to gift to, meaning no gf/wife. i am not including pesky lil cousin sister in 8th std who wants a mobile phone!. What we instead needed was a cost based model which would have told us the cheapest gift which wont make the fairer sex mad enough to kick us out of their world!.

i once had this great idea of gifting mid-year presents to family..dad was easy (French brandy) bro was easier (Scotch whiskey). With great trepidation i broached the subject of a gift idea to mom and suggested vinegar(well its an alcohol like liquid right?).

As i feared, she greeted the idea very enthusiastically!. The choice given to me was rather simple..gold or saree. I thought sarees are cheaper. Mom enthusiastically set a lower budget of 5000 which awoke my dad from his brandied mid-day slumber, he calls out "5000 for a saree..are u divorcing me n marrying someone else?". Mom cast a withering look at him and even in his brandied state of mind he knew when to shut up for a peaceful marriage!

Next day i woke up hoping for some leftover whiskey from bro's cupboard. Alas, mom had different ideas. So i was dragged to angamaly to check out the various saree selections. Mom insisted that she has to be there to select the saree and i have to be there to witness the event. I guess she hoped for a 10K saree and wanted me around to melt me with that "i changed ur diapers" dialogue when she did that. Thank goodness, she didnt like any sarees in angamaly (after going through approximately 10,000 sarees in around 5 shops!). I was saved!!!!. Next day i was coming back to chennai and hence i managed to give her a cheque of 5k and escaped!

atleast thats what i thought.Next visit home, i am served with unniappam, which she knows wll melt me. Later i was presented with ample servings of chakka Halwa, which again is guaranteed to melt me. Then she broaches the gift subject again!. It seems that she managed to misplace the cheque, didnt dare to tell that to dad (imagine how a nasrani will react to such an incident!) and hence kept it as a secret. She didnt realize it was an a/c payee cheque :). ah well i consented to buy her another saree and not mention the same to dad on the condition that i will not buy her another saree for the next 10 years!!!

Revenge of the men muhahahahahaha

MoC

kickassso said...

*puts on glasses to take down notes*

crystal thingies.......check!

roses..................check!

gift vouchers..........check check check!


so i guess its the fact that we actually remembered that matters, and not the actual gift!!

Lazy strokes said...

Yup, the gift voucher option looks wonderful compared to taking the lady/girl in question to buy dresses for them! Mom and sister in this case! Can u imagine, I got bored watching all those pretty little (and big) things making their choices from wedding sarees to lingeries, still the choice was far from made on the other side. I tried walking up to them to provide some bits of smart choices quickly, only to return deflated, mortfied, and cursing myself!

Loved the puns BTW! ;-)

silverine said...

@adarsh: Thats the safest route lol but if you wan't to surprise a gal then follow my pointers :)
@Hyde: You said it !!!!
@MoC:You are indeed a babe in the woods!! Wait till you try and gift something to the girlfriend! Mom are the easiest to please (especially by their lil babas)!!! The challenge lies in pleasing the non-mom females. Believe me you will swear off buying gifts and swear by Gift Vouchers!!! :))
@kickassso: You are learning fast! The fact that you remembered though a very spectacular task, will not be counted when you give a potato peeler or a chirava lol
@lazy strokes:The pun was intended! ;) And you are lucky you escaped without injuries for daring to give suggestions lol

Jiby said...

though its very informative and i'll probably bookmark it for later use...i'll assume i never read this post. i belong to the category of ppl who live life uncomfortable of being gifted nice presents bcoz its a gesture that needs to be reciprocated and i end up forgetting...and i also have the habit of making ppl return gifts for me if i think its overtly expensive.my parents and sis call me a real moradan and my sis keeps asking my parents how i cud have been born to them! guess thats why i have never been a hit among gals!!!

1.618 said...

POINTS NOTED...

Never knew that we guys have to take care of so many things! :)

Hoping to follow them when a chance (girlfriend) arises :D

Arun said...

Trying to categorize this post...exhaustive, detailed, irrational, illogical connections between/across points which would drive any logistician to insanity trying to figure out the thought pattern of the target group.

Despite all this, tremendously useful though... Why? Because we (read gifticapped guys) are forced to work with something (read women) whose thought process is beyond the comprehension of our primitive and crudely developed cerebrum (read gift-voucher dependents). Have to admit, vouchers are lifesavers!

Psst..just wanted to check on something not on the list...a treadmill's not a good idea right? Ok, Im outta here!

Tha Dalda said...

the main problem is u ppl like things which we hardly think are worth buyin (even as gifts). flowers dry up fast. artificial ones get in ur way when u walk arnd the house. wat r u gonna do with a cook book if u dont like cookin? eat the pages? u get all this fancy jewellery and put it in some locker so not worth the investment. candles are used when the power goes out and u need to read somethin in the loo. if we buy u gift vouchers, u accuse us because we dont know wat to buy for u.

so i guess the only things we r gonna consider buyin is CDs r chocolates. (u dont get fat with a box of chocalates unless u swallow it with the wrapper)

btw, middleaged starts at 35+ and 50+ ppl are the ones who are nearing senior citizenship. :p

Activity said...

eeks.... Is it a wonder why men choose option 'b' when picking out a gift ? 20+ rules to refer to and in no given order!!
comments on gifts:
candles... hmm, good for powercut prone areas

lingerie: fun to buy, even more fun to present

brass: i feel sorry for the mistreatment of the poor cross dressing defence officers !

And the hate towards the glitter unless they are glittery candles!! :)

i'd feel sorry for a guy picking up a gift, and then having to look through the 27 point checklist and the *ed ones (conditions apply!!) ...

So, in the end.. we might just fallback on plan B. :)

I happened to visit cousins yesterday, who ended up getting scented candles with silver glittery stripes, and you mentioned some thing from a cousin as well --> had me suspicious for a moment!!

Well? My contender vs. the Silver glittery perfumed candles? A tin of freshly baked Cookies :D

Guess you will have to edit the list?

~tta

Rockus said...

"Information is wealth!"
Thanks! Now I can get that elusive "wonderful" present to my wud be gf!

Mind Curry said...

i bought someone a bed as a present and that was an absolute hit! (not coz i shared it or anything!)

>|' ; '| said...

thanks for the insider info! never know when this could come in use!

gautami tripathy said...

In this list I will only prefer books. Books on anything under the sun but mind you non-technical ones!

Dr. Pissed said...

And here i am making you a handmade card .. pfft

Safari Al said...

ulp...i think remaining single is sweeter and safer. and with moms, sisters and other relatives, you can always pull in the senti-threat. "i went through so much of trouble to find this...and i thought it was the sentiment that counts..." and it works.


oooh..and by the way was this also a result of a tag?

:P

Jagan said...

the point is girls are never happy with the gifts the guys give ...also girls lecture about it after we gift them ..since we cant avoid the lectures (ahem..ahem ...) , its better we guys dont spend (read as waste ) our time in looking for "good" gifts :) ...

Geo said...

Ha ha ha

Is this a gentle reminder for a certain somebody about a gift which is long overdue?
If yes, I really pity him... May his soul rise in one piece. :_)

I heard Mr. J Abraham had gifted a tread mill to Miss. B Basu as a birthday present. Cant really figure out where to fit that now. :_D

silverine said...

@Jiby: You just reminded me that guys need to be reminded that they need to give gifts or reciprocate gifts! :)
@Arun: A treadmill will do more damage than a weighing scale :))You said it exhaustive, detailed, irrational, illogical connections between/across points which would drive any logistician to insanity I pity you guys. btw that was a neat summation of my post lol
@1.168:Follow these points and you will be a big hit with the gals :))
@Dalda: Instead of trying to make sense of all this, I suggest you just buy a gift and be done with it, or else you will hear about it for a very long time. We gals have long memeories when it comes to this :))
@activity: The word is brass with two 's' LOL What I was trying to subtly hint is that we gals are quite impressed by guys in uniform ;) And cookies?!?! *horrors* er..mebe some gals may like it ;)Plan B sounds like a lifesaver lol
@mind curry: Lucky you! :))
@Rockus:You will make your wud be GF a very happy gal indeed :)

silverine said...

@Poison: Make good use of this info!
@Gautam: Books will be appreciated if she likes reading.
@Dr pissed:That is such a sweet thought ( cos I know it is only a thought) ;)
@Safari al: Hopefully you can say bye to singlehood with a lil help from my post. This was not a tag :)
@Jagan: You can't escape like that! there is still the Gift Voucher:)
@Geo: This is a broad hint to mankind and not to any single person ;) And Mr. Abraham did well cos Ms Basu needs to lose weight. Ask the entirefeminine population of India and they will agree vehemently with what I just said LOL =))

Safari Al said...

how i wish i could but like they say 'burnt child dreads fire'...

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

just read ur xmas shopping post .....

that was fun ... :)))

now i know what it'd be like if i had brothers ;))

Gladtomeetin said...

Exactly! The ones we like ;-))

I feel selection would always be a problem for guys and so we are very much happy with a Gift Vouche, provided they are the multiples of 1000 as u said ;-))

Geo said...

Chatan bhagat has something to say abt the gifts which girls can give guys without much financial investment. :_D.. yes yes 5 point someone...when he thinks of buying something for Neha Cherian for her birthday. :_D Thats a nice reply to this post :_))

Abt Miss.Basu, I guess she looks gorgeous either way, I mean on a treadmill or off it... :_D

silverine said...

@safari al: awww once bitten twice shy? Get over it...and soon you will be buying that perfect gift for that perfect someone :)
@Deepa: Thanks now you know the troubles of not having a sister :(
@gladtomeetin: You said it gal :)
@Geo: Well we gals think that John looks good too... especially without Bipasha :)) And regarding CB, I would say that all MCP's dream alike :))

Sujay said...

ctrl+D..Page bookmarked !
Add notes : re-read blog after getting a gal !
Su J

ps: Any 28 pt blog for getting a gal??? ;)

Matter of Choice said...

ah well..u jez dont know how difficult it is to please my mom!!!!..and am no lil baba (though my mom would dearly wish it were true!!)

rather than swearing off gift shopping i think i would swear off finnicky gf's *straight face*

Biju said...

I wonder how you restrained your list to onnnnly 28 points!! ;-). I'm sure there are more. As far as my experience goes 'the female of the species' are insatiable with the gifts that they get. Its always greener on the other side ;-).
In order not to risk your chances your female partner likes your gift or not, take her along with you and let her chose.(atleast you won't be blamed for what she took).
Ciao!!!!

Ganja Turtle said...

Kerchieves - never give women kerchieves...they cut you off.Ancient superstition proven true ;-( Once wrong,never after.

And if theres very lil cash in the wallet, flowers are magical-even a single rose can work wonders...

Very subtle, the brass.

Hyde said...

It so happened I once took my ex-gf to Shopper's Stop and gave her a free reign. We spent three hours maybe, and hunted the whole place down. She did not like anything. In the end, she chose a leather-bound Jane Eyre from Crosswords!

lash said...

the easiest way is to remain at office during festivals. missed a lot of ur posts... when did u become so frequent??? :))


p.s : i am not sure if this word verification will turn out right... its more twisted than my own writing.!

well, not surprisingly i got it wrong!! this time its better

Sonia said...

good going! hope all the guys i know read ur blog and follow it to the T ( esp that part about gift vouchers! ) :o) hope u had a merry christmas!

silverine said...

@Sujay: LOL that was a good one. If I ever attempt that post I will promptly go into hiding or it will be my hide on the chopping block =))
@MoC: With that MCP statement you have just stirred the hornets nest er...I mean the FCP Headquarters! Watch your back ;)
@Biju:This is a guide for guys who want to surprise the girls in their life ....pleasantly! :)
@ganjaturtle: Yes, a single rose can do what an expensive Rice Cooker cannot :)) And the brass was subtler till somebody mistook it for something else and hence the link to clarifiy the point ;)
@Hyde: That sounds awfully like a gal :))
@Lash: I was on leave and hence the frequent posts :)
@Sonia: yeah!! now they don't have an excuse that they didnt know ;)

Arti Honrao said...

Simply beautiful...
I need to give this to my brother so that he stops pestering me for gift ideas. I can now have some peaceful sleep, thanks to you :)

Dr. Pissed said...

You'd never know if it were only a thought, until maybe you decide to do something about it no?

Your the one showing all the level..
But it sure looks nice, the card, that is.

Lost in trance... said...

play safe on #18? but y?

Safari Al said...

"Wake up the dawn and ask her why,
A dreamer dreams, she never dies.
Wipe that tear away now from your eye."



-Champagne Supernova,Oasis

Right...?

silverine said...

@akansha: lol another sufferer I see. Yeah, give it to to all the men in your life. Even my Dad is bad at gifting, so he gives money instead :))
@lostintrance:Well, imagine the GF spotting you looking at the catalogue? You will be history!!! :))
@dr pissed: Scan and send it to me da. Where did u go for mass?
@safari al:Beautiful. Right said Safari Al!!! :)

Thulika - My pen said...

Wow! That quite makes sence...Yes I have seen women (many of them) love to be gifted things that are utterly useless, I am not sure about the cookbook..that would put your woman thinking "Is my cooking that Bad!!" And be careful with the perfume..back in her mind she would be thinking "He thinks I smell Bad!!" Well thats the pshycology. If you plan to buy a watch make sure it has only one or at the most 2 markings so that it leaves a man guessing if the time is 1:48 or 2:53 on her watch. She will know what time it is with exact precision..coz she will be looking at your watch..:)..

Thanu said...

I'm born in april, so my birthstone is diamond ;)

jaguu said...

:)

I got to tell ya...I think the Guy U fell for / will fall for has to be the the epitome of how a PERFECT guy should be.Cheers!!

ursjina said...

mm..dats a lotta comments on this one...but hey...i know gals who would love to get books...including myself..and hey..i love blackeyed peace....

Jithu said...

and then i ended up gifting an ugly lookin yellow teddy bear/donald duck wtever it is, wasting my not-hardly-earned money :-((

anthony said...

Wonderful post.. EYE Opener,and wallet too.. I have known the perils of buying the wrong gifts since i was a kid when i bought my mom some gifts and believe me buy a wrong gift for a women and even moms won't say its so beautiful. She told me not to buy her again unless she is present. LOL. Gift voucher's been my fav and everybody else' too... i always excahnge my reward points for gift vouchers!!!!! and collect them for a rainy day or a birthday.. Nothing safer thna a gift voucher. Diamonds ahhhh. The looks in the gifted's eyes is very much worth the diamonds..... lol

Safari Al said...

excuse me madam. swalpa doubt.
given that i am totally jobless at home i am trying to add to the already large number of comments on your blog.

poomanam: what is the funda? for a tam like me it sounds like flower-smell. am i right?

silverine said...

@thulika: that was brilliant! :))
@thanu: Lucky you!!!! I envy you.
@Jaguu: Well...no comments ;)
@Ursjina: Me too, but then guys buy any book :)
@Jithu: LOL
ugly lookin yellow teddy bear/donald duck you are a confirmed gifticapped guy to borrow the phrase from Arun! :))
@Anthony:So true "gifted's eyes is very much worth the diamonds. Well said!!
@safari al:Poomanam is "spring sky" as per my interpretation :))

kd said...

loved the last one. It works on two levels.( phonetically as well )hihihihi

Have a great New year.

tatat

James Kuruvilla said...

Hope you liked what I sent you. Happy New Year and hoping to see you soon.

silverine said...

@Nithin: LOL I know what you mean;))Happy New year Nithin muaaaaah
@James: Thanks! Happy New Year to you too!

Rays Of Sun said...

Wowo..excellent tip here:)
Wonderful thought:)

Lost in trance... said...

oh u think? sad rite?

Ammo said...

I owe you one Silverine...In fact, I've taken a print-out of this post, never know when I might have to refer to this ;D...

But then again, if any of these do not work, will it be fair to hold you responsible :D ... Just kiddin. I can safely assume this is all that a guy needs to know.

BTW, whats the whole deal with the stressing on #5...never thought candles were so sought after.

Have a great year ahead...

~Ammo.

Geo said...

With that MCP statement you have just stirred the hornets nest er...

And regarding CB, I would say that all MCP's dream alike :))

whatzdiz???

Are we living in a democracy which assures freedom of expression or are we under the reign of some FCP dictator? Any voice which doesn’t praise her or her gender is categorized as MCPish.

Where is UN?
Where are the Human Right Activists?
Where is Maneka Gandhi, SugathaKumari?

Oh... pls remove Maneka Gandhi from the list, I guess she is inclined more towards animal rights... (I too love animals, i.e., cooked and ready to eat...)

"Let the ruling FCP classes tremble at a humanitarian revolution. The poor men have nothing to lose but their gift vouchers. Gifticapped men of all countries, unite!"

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

oh ho !!!

i have a younger sis , and i spend most of my salary on her :((((

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

really ... guys can be so dumb at times when it comes to gifts ... i've had an awful time going w/ guys to chose gifts for their gals !!

silverine said...

@rayofsun: Thanks :)
@ammo: Sorry didnt realise that No 5 goof up :)) Read that as "Gift Voucher". And you are welcome. Hope this list helps you :)
@deepa: Yes, guys are gifticapped as someone said. It's so nice that you have a younger sis. You must do so many fun stuff together :)
@Geo: LOL

1.You are 100 % right to whats italized below!!
Any voice which doesn’t praise her or her gender is categorized as MCPish
----------------------------------
2.Gifticapped men of all countries, unite!"

100% right here too. Unite and get us proper gifts or else....Gift Vouchers will do! :))
---------------------------------
3.And Menaka Gandhi has been informed of your love for animals, cooked and ready to eat

I suggest lying low. The FCP sisterhood and worse....animal rights activists are looking high and low for you =))

kicha said...

from all the listed, "gift voucher" is the best and simplest ;-)....but, multiples of 1000 is too much..

happy new year.

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

but u know , there are some guys who are just great w/ gifts ...i have a couple of such friends ... they are great when it comes to buying gifts !

silverine said...

@Kicha: yes, Gift Voucher in itself is a pleasant surprise :)
@deepa: Yes you do find such guys, but very few!

Sriganesh Murthi said...

60 comments in a span of 5 days. But why has nobody commented after 2005! Have all guys perfected the art of giving gifts, thanx to your post. But don't they need to show some gratitude.

I do it! :-)

I also wonder if a guy can write 28 such points and become popular among the fairer lot. Buying gifts has become a men's thing!

silverine said...

sriganesh; Thanks for dropping by :)