Sunday, November 20, 2005

Homeocide

Has anyone here been to a homeo doc? Well, I have been several times, as my parents have great faith in Homeopathy. During my numerous childhood visits I never noticed the questions that the doc asked my mom. The scores of small bottles that lined the shelf and the smell of alcohol and Lactose pills that hung in the air would fascinate me and I spent many happy hours exploring the clinic.

Recently I had to go to a homeo doc near my office for a persistent cough that I had developed after getting drenched in the rain. For the first time in my life I faced the questions of a homeo doc on my own. By the end of the case taking I felt I had been through a methodical KGB style interrogation! Before I proceed any further let me assure you that I have utmost faith in homeo meds. However the questions that a homeo doc asks you, can drive you crazy.


Homeo Doc (HD): When did u notice you had a cold.
Me: When my nose started running and I started coughing.
HD: Exactly what time did your nose start running?
Me: er......I don't remember
HD: You don’t remember? Does this happen often?
Me: Does what happen often?
HD: These memory lapses
Me: No no no my memory is perfectly fine, it's just that I didn't notice when my nose started running.
HD: ( looking at me with exasperation) How can make a case study if you don’t give me an approximate time?
Me: hmmm I think it was morning!
HD: Ok, was it between 1am and 3 am or 3am and 6 am or 6am and 9 am?
Me: er...I think it was between 6am and 9 am.
HD: Please be sure. These things are important you know.
Me: ( itching to make a dash for the door) Yes, I am sure.
HD: Was it cold or foggy that morning when your nose started running?
Me: I dunno
HD: What do you mean you don't know? Didn't you look around?
Me: I don't get up that early.
HD: But you just said that your nose started running between 6 am and 9 am. Then you would have noticed the weather.
Me:( in a hurry to get this painful exercise over) It was definitely foggy.
HD: Describe the nose run.
Me: Huh?
HD: (patiently) Was it clear, green, white thick or thin?
Me: I think I want to puke.
HD: So you have nausea too?
Me: No, but if I have to describe my snot I think I will puke.
HD: Suit yourself, but don’t blame me and make statements that homeo meds don’t work if I get the diagnosis wrong because of our non-co-operation.
Me: (meekly) Ok, It was clear and running like crazy.
HD: Ok, so when did the cough start?
Me: Oh my gawd do I have to go through this all over again?????
HD: Yes.
Me: groaaaaaaan


At this point of time I was hoping that an Allopathic doctor would appear miraculously with a lethal injection in hand to put me out of my misery.

And er..."NO"...the injection is not for me!

44 comments:

danya said...

Excellent post!!!I too had the same experience with a homeo doctor who asked me if the color of cough is dark or light...i felt uncomfortable with the doctors questions and now a days hesitates to go to a homeo doctor unless the force from my home is high...my parents and relatives believe strongly in homeo...i too.. but cant adjust to these type of questions even though the healing power of homeo medicine is amazing, provided the diagnosis is done accurately....

naveen said...

u have really got a good blog here!!!congrats. Contrary 2 ur experiance,my homeo doc is good. far better than this case. what ever is the disease,there will always b a powder 2 take before u go 2 bed and on next morning. And,ofcourse, a bottle of pills 4 times a day. these pills r compulsary 4 him,i think.

Meesa Madhavan said...

COnsider yourself lucky. My homeo doctor gave me a 25 page booklet to fill up, with 25 questons per page. By the time I completed it, I felt like I have written my autobiogrphy :)
BTW is it HOMEO or HOMOEO?

MM

Dr. Pissed said...

Go eat an ice cream man. The cold will freeze itself!!

Then go to the doc and show him the finger..

silverine said...

@danya:He asked me the same and other gross stuff about phlegm
@Naveen:He gives you the meds without asking questions? You are indeed lucky :)
@MM:lol that sounds awfully like a typical homeo doc.And HOMEO or HOMOEO depends on which English you use I guess :)
@Dr Pissed: Thank you for the prescription doc, but at present I am taking home meds. Next time I take your advice :))

ursjina said...

hahhaahha..dats all i can say...excellent post

Nagu said...

any homeo docs reading this!....

Dr. Pissed said...

I always get double smile. I am special :)

Jagan said...

one more question ...when u have cold ..running nose and cough ..does it also affect ur hearing sense ? did u get ur ear checked ? i cant shout louder :-((

anthony said...

I have been to HDs too. I try to avoidd allopathy doc as much as possible. I went to see a homeo doc for a corn..:-D yes and i remmeber when my bro had a corn and the corn came off after popping those tiny pills. It was quite funny, so I also went. the corn did went off but i guess it was all by itself, since I had stopped the medication long since. Only thing I remember about our conversation was when he charged 200 Bucks. I was WHAT???? I rememeber that HD charge as less as 20 bucks and 50 at most. And he said he will write it on the back of the prescription, like a reciept. He was lie," but your copmpany must reimburse it". but how could I bargian for a consultation fee.. But 200 bucks for a HD was too much.. and even the medicines were quite epensive contrary to what I have always percieved.

Matter of Choice said...

i hear of homeo docs planning an emergency meeting to condemn attempts to trash their profession :)

i luv homeo docs..sweet medicines..what more do u want???

and ahem...my luv for homeo docs could have been coloured (clear translucent pink!) by the fact that our resident homeo doc also happened to be a cute gal :). she never asked me such yucky questions either :))

cheerio
MoC

Browser said...

Medicines that are either sweet or pure alcohol - what more would one want :-). Viva La Homeo

Nikhil Narayanan said...

a good one ....

Rays Of Sun said...

Oh wow!!

Really?? I used to go this HM..but thankfully, she would give me Allopathic meds:D

Leon said...

funny.. :-). I dislike having to go to any doctor be it a homeo, allo or whatever pathy doctor. So much so that I would rather put up with a cold and fever and wait for nature to cure me.

That's not always the best thing to do though.. :-/.

>|' ; '| said...

awww... :-)
homoeo docs arent so nosy...

lash said...

how do u crack jokes so consistently silverine..???

i loved the mucus part of ur story.. and the way u reacted to it.. "i think i want to puke"

hahaha.. excellent...

Parna said...

yes, they do ask hell of a lot questions. but i have faith in homeopathy too. have heard miracles happen in cases of asthma and thyroid, some diseases which even an alopathy doc find hard to cure over years.

is how is the cold now? and what texture /colour is your snot?

:D

anthony said...

My cook blog updated At AnthonysKitchen

Ankur said...

i always wondered whats teh difference between various brands of quacks..


say the guru who can cure u with prayers
astrologers who by the act of ur handing a few bucks

or homeo with those sweet pills and endless patience...

Geo said...

I belong to the gang, the members of which are taken to a Dr only on a stretcher, that too when they are unconscious.

silverine said...

@ursjina and Nikhil: thank you!
@nagu:I hope not :(
@dr pissed :))
@jagan: I hollered right back :)
@Anthony: Here in Blr some HD's charge 800 bucks upwards. And that corn falling off was def the homeo meds
@MoC: I know a certain someone who has to be manacled and force fed pills homeo or otherwise. Ever heard if him? ;)
@browser; I second that :)
@raysofsun:Hope the HD is not giving you allopathic meds!
@poison: They are believe me :)
@leon:tsk tsk,u must take ur meds when u r sick :)

silverine said...

@lash:believe me some of the questions are gross enough to make yu puke lol :)
@parna: Are you a homeo doc? ;)
@anthony: Thanks :)
@ankur: Homeo meds are definitely effective and safe. Dunno much about the faith healing part though.
@geo: Now that's a classic Jayan style dialogue LOL
p.s.Jayan marichittila, bangalorillu jeevichu irikundu !!!

flaashgordon said...

Euuyuckk...

Never got the chance of an encounter with such a "Homeo Sapien"

Tho' i used to steal all those pills whenever i got a chance from whoever was a patient at home ; coz i 'm also in geo's (and Jayan's category) i ws never taken 2 such psychopathic homeopaths

Didnt know one had to be so graphic and describe ur ailment.Unfortunately not into neither saying or hearing gory details of anyone's illness..Call me homeo-phobic

cheers
flaash

One More Reason said...

I second what "browser" said. Viva la homeo :)

silverine said...

@flaash:The questions are very graphic, but the pills are sweet and the cure complete without any side effects.
@onemorereason:Me too. I stick to homeo meds.

Ganja Turtle said...

First homeo experience: Although I liked the pretty daughter of the doc and the countless sweet candy that i could pop, never did believe in this stuff. And neither did they cure me. Maybe the doc caught onto me staring too long at the babe.

Ever since, whenever forced to a h.doc,have always adopted an aggressive attitude:
Doc: Whats wrong with you?
Me: Thought you were the doctor
Doc(to mom): Your boy is acting funny.
Dad: Thats why we brought him here
Mum(hastily): Hes had throat pains for the last 2 days
Doc: What did u eat?
Me(knowing Docs a purebred veggie): Goats blood and chicken soup.
Doc(disgusted):Madam, our medicines' effect is greatly reduced when you eat non-veg.
Dad(getting agitated): We need fish for our protein intake everyday! (Raising voice) Famous scientists have proclaimed that Omega XYZ is good for the human body (learnt from reading the Hindu on Sundays)...I dont believe all this crap. Millions of americans eat fish,beef,chicken...they dont have throat pain!
Mum(thoroughly embarrassed): Doctor, just give him something for general throat pain...something to make it better
Doc(exasperated): Madam,its not done that way!
Dad: I have had enough of this...I will wait outside...
Me(accidentally knock off three bottles of mini-pills): Uh oh...sorry doctor.
Doc(evil gleam in his eye): I will give you something for throat pain...

My glorious voice, that was churning out Carnatic music till age 6, now has a tendency to get squeaky at important junctures in life...needless to say, this neither impresses the women nor the interviewers.

Possibly this could have been the hidden emotional trigger passed on to my Labrador that bit the doc's fat brother...emotional osmosis in action -but thats another story! ;-)

silverine said...

@ganjaturtle:Revenge of the homeo doc yeah? I think he must have administered a powerful Allopathic drug to make you squeak so LOL That was a funny account :))

Mr. J said...

Have you heard of BUMCET? Bachelor of Unani Medicine Common Entrace test..

Nothing related to homeo but then I guess its somewht same.. I think BUMCET is kewl..!!

Jithu said...

smell of alcohol!! wowwww!! :p

Geo said...

oru virus-ne kittiyurunnengilllllll.....

onnu malppiditham nadathaamaayirunnu

sysadmin said...

interesting.

and for the record, i exist.

cipher said...

Homeo Docs remind me of my pop! Only that I hafta go pop, pop, pop when I meet a Homeo Doc! ;)

PS: I have an Ad Blog! Do you have an opinion on Advertising? Check out some of them.

injinuity said...

one thing about homeopathy unlike alopathy is that there are no sideeffects... no harmful chemicals are used ... my granma used to swear by her homeo doc and I have seen the good results, so I am not a total disbeliever

Pradeep said...

Good sense of humour, Silverine. In today's multidisciplinary medical scene, half the time is wasted wondering whether to go to a homoeo doc or to an allopathic doc. Lucky, if the disease hasn't got worse in the meantime. Luckier, if you go to the homoeo guy, discover it is too late, then switch to allopathic doc, and still survive!

Praveen said...

Hmmm.. even i am a bit confused after reading what you went through :).

silverine said...

@me: I think Homeo is cool.
@Jithu: Have you ever been to a homeo clinic? It smells wonderful.
@Geo: Classic !!!! rofl :))
@sysadmin: Interesting!
@cipher: Will check out your blog.
@injinuity: I am a total believer in homeo meds. Just that my regular doc was away and I had to go to this new doc. My regular doc has my case history since childhood, so I do not have to face much questions from him :)
@pradeep:To get a good homeo doc is rare, but if you do find one then hold onto him for dear life. It's the safest and best meds for any illness :)
@Praveen: Yes it is very confusing lol

Jiby said...

hehe lol...my parents too were staunch believers in homeo medicine!!
neways all i remember of the homeo doc wuz he bribing me with the gulikas once in a while so that i urged my parents to keep goin back to him!

hope and love said...

lol !!
no comments...
:))

jedi said...

Excellent post.. Homoeo medicines work for me but its a big price to pay for going through the ordeal.
The post reminded me about all those 'wonderful' sessions ive had.

Camphor said...

We are now nicely coached, through sheer habit.

Mom: (prods 6 year old kid with elbow) Go ahead, tell doctor what's wrong with you. (Never mind they have rehearsed this speech endles times in the waiting room)

Kid: Well, at about 9am day before yesterday, I woke up with a running nose, clear, free flowing. It was followed by a burst of sneezing, for about 1 hour 30 minutes. (You learn to keep track of these things) Took a levocitrizine dihydrochloride 5 mg once, it has a life cycle of about 24 hours so it should be out of my body by now. I had skipped dinner the night before, and this happened before breakfast. As you know, it was pouring cats and dogs that day. No, I did not go near any pets.
(All this in one rush) Oh, and no fever, no cough, no rashes and my nails turned blue early in the morning.

Big sigh from Kid and Mom, there, most of the questions should have been answered in that huge description. But no,
Doc: So, tell me.. have you been near any flowers?

Quite enough to commit suicide.

silverine said...

@Jiby:I am told that back then these homeo docs found it hard to makes both ends meet.
@Jedi:True, I have rarely take allopathic medicines because homeo meds have always done wonders for me. Even my dogs are on homeo meds, except for their shots.
@camphor: lol that was funny. But giving misleading symptoms will lead to wrong diagnosis, which is not harmful but you may end up losing faith in the system.

Mind Curry said...

busy place huh..nice..i have had very limited experience of homeo or homo-eoww! doctors to make any specific comments here :) great going anyway silverine.

Biju said...

I read your blog for the first time and did not believe it was this humerous as it was told to me. :-) Very well compiled. Homeo is as sweet as it gets.