This attrition levels in the IT industry is creating havoc. I mean till the day before the day before yesterday I minded my own business i.e. helping the marketing team in all their communication needs. There was peace, bliss, contentment and job satisfaction.
Then out of the blue the Public Relation guy resigns and as is wont for some strange reason I am asked to take over the portfolio till the next incumbent walks in. Today the Corporate Communication gal quit and of course this portfolio is also handed over to me. And all this because the term communication is an appendage to my designation.
Now the web defines public relations as “the acts of communicating what you are to the public.”
To equip myself for the important task of PR (since the PR guy was leaving the next day) I followed him around diligently the whole day. Evening I was witness to a brilliant PR exercise at the BWSSB ( Bangalore Water Sewerage and Sanitation Board) canteen.
PR: So how much do you want to let our sewage pipe into the Kaveri?
Govt Employee: One lakh saar.
PR: (calling the finance manager): Mr Moneybags? He wants two lakhs!
Finance Manager: Excellent! Excellent! Well within our budget!!
What? He won’t give receipt? Hahahaha of course not you silly this is a bribe ha ha ha.
Don’t worry about the receipt.
Please come and collect the cash.
And do it fast. The smell is unbearable.
The web defines Corporate Communications (CC) thus: “Corporate Communication is the management tool, which tunes all intentional forms of internal and external communications in a way the organization creates and keeps an image towards its major target groups.”
I think I succeeded in this objective in an interview with a reporter I handled the day the CC gal left.
Reporter: Is it true that your company is letting out sewage water into the Cauveri?
Reporter: Just as I thought! Is it also true that your big boss is being sued for s***** harassment by his male secretary?
Reporter: Thank you. One last question, you have been so helpful. Is it true that your company uses pirated software?
Me: er….um…hmmm( scratching head)
Reporter: Thank you!!!!!!! That will be all. We will be giving you exclusive coverage in tomorrow’s edition. Watch out for the headlines.
Wow that was easy. I didn’t give out any misleading information. I feel proud. Afternoon the ex CC gal mails me.
Dear Miss Present Incumbent
Given below are some the terms (and it’s meanings) that you must avoid while talking to the press.
Duh: (means) Oh yes, yes, yes, it’s true
Huh?!: (means) I admit he did it.
Er…um…hmmmm:(means) Yes I admit it and we are proud of it!
p.s. Scratching your head makes you irresistibly attractive to journalists.
Next day 9:30 am the phone rings. It’s the big boss.
Big Boss: Miss Present Incumbent, there is this article in the newspaper. It says that I used pirated mail software to s******y harass my male secretary who jumped into the sewage pit and tried to commit suicide. Did you have anything to do with this?
Today while going home the big bosses car careened wildly missing me by inches. Poor man was so upset that he nearly killed me. Last time I saw him he was banging his head on the car and kicking his car tyres over and over again. Nice man.
I think I will move to PR.