Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Yet another compromise

Another friend, another story. What is it with us girls? Gluttons for sob stories. This friend of a friend of mine has an elder sister. I shall call her A. She met and fell in love with a guy called B. They decided to get married. Now A and B follow different religions. After marriage A went to live with her husband and in laws. She was forced to follow B’s religion leading to tensions and an eventual walkout. B was not willing to live separately too. I was flabbergasted when I heard the story. Didn’t A and B think this through before marriage?

A was six months pregnant then. Her son is now 12 years old and she is working in a leading software company on Airport Road.

Last week, he lands up at her place begging to be taken back. But too much water has flown under the bridge and A has burnt her bridges (apologies for the corny clich├ęs).

I want to throw the zillionth question into the arranged vs love marriage maelstrom. Does a girl marrying a boy from a different community realize that SHE will have to make the compromises if she will be living with the In Laws? Has anyone given a thought to this aspect of intercommunal love marriages in our country? I have nothing against love marriage or arranged marriage. Both are fine with me. But when two people of different faiths meet and fall in love, shouldn’t they take the conscious decision to live separately to nurture their relationship?

13 comments:

Living_dead said...

yet another deja vu of "one can hurt some one whom they love so dearly". wonder the love is so resilient that it didnot let the sacrifice turn to revenge, though the dices were thrown! its disheartening to hear it actually happened. thank you for sharing!

i wish they could have stayed "together" away from their inlaws.

Hitler's soul said...

now if people in "love" break up over things like the way to worship the same god , i guess it aint love.things like religious preferences leading to breakups ? love is the greatest religion.(wow...am i sounding like a saint ..)

najeeb said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
najeeb said...

Then, you think love is rational eh? It is not. :) It is so easy to point out when others go through it - but it is hard, if not impossible, when you are in it.

-Najeeb

http://www.indigolog.com

Jiby said...

more than the years of their life A & B wasted, I feel sorry for the child. religion neither got them closer to each other or to god...in love they must have planned for everything to work out but in marriage there are so many factors testing that love...joint families are always under stress from ego-clashes and restricted freedoms... add in a dose of religion...love gets replaced by hate! i think nuclear is the way to go for all young families atleast for the first few years of the marriage!

tenny tomas said...

no conclusion drawn out of this episode would be right. because it is just two individuals A and B, behaving convienently. so it cannot be used to discuss the strengths or demerits of arrange marriage or love marriage or intercommunal marriage in our country.

And hey, Parashu says "If it is not unconditional, it is not love"

Matter of Choice said...

infact this is not a question about love vs. arranged marriage!

this is a question about the role of religion!. Religions generally say "marriage" is sacrosanct and are willing to goto any extend to defend what they see as attacks on the "marriage" system. so if the religions themselves play a role in breaking up marriages what right do they have to be the defender of "marriage"

me on a virulent religion-bashing binge!

cheers

arundhoti said...

What the heck were the couple doing during their courting phase?
and what is love without tolerance?

said...

When I was a kid, I used to believe the bridges burn. But now I am too old, and suddenly I realized someday that they can be reconstructed; I can probably forgive anything :-)

Pradeep said...

Compromise has a negative connotation. Adjustment sounds better.

When marriage is a fanciful utopia, problems arise. If it is rightly seen as just another turn in the journey of life, problems are easier to tackle.

One should never hesitate (not just in marital life) to take one step back, if that can help us take two or even three steps forward.

One is often obsessed with short-term successes or failures, instead of aiming at the highly desirable long-term happiness and success.

Girl With Big Eyes said...

Maybe thats why we have the quote 'Love is blind'!

Someone said 'Poverty' is the biggest enemy of this country, but I would say it is the blind passion. Yesterday it killed some innocent people in cinemas in Delhi, it broke up your friends' lives.....When will we learn the lesson?!

Mind Curry said...

it is the in-laws and the darn society that play around with the feelings of people, and eventually lead them to break up. like you said, if couples (arranged or love) lived separately i am sure the break ups would reduce drastically.

silverine said...

@mindcurry: True :(